Round 1, set 3
Greybar vs. Seasong
Well, I knew it was going to happen – these entries are very difficult to pick between, due to, in a large part, to the cleverness, and excellent writing of both submissions. Any of you who think it’s hard to write an IronDM entry – you should try the judging!
Let’s start with what’s good, and see where we end up. Both scenarios feature exceptional NPCs! The meat and drink of any good role-play adventure, Grey Bar’s tragic hero Captain, and Seasong’s dubious, competent Captian both have amazing flavor. We understand why the Wrightson cannot undertake this chase, instead of it being some obtuse plot device. In a similar fashion, we read about Johannes with a sort of horrified fascination. She is a marvelously complex individual, who practically BEGS for the second plot twist. It makes a more real character out of Rupert. Outstanding use of the ingredient, both parties.
How about
simple lock? Seasong’s too sharp for his own good – this one was meant to be open to interpretation. One the one hand, the PHB lists a “simple lock” as a std DC 20 open locks check. But as we’ve read there are other uses of the word. I’ll give the edge to Greybar here – using canal locks was particularly imaginative. Plus I just like the incorporation of simple mechanical principles – like canal locks into a fantasy setting. It maintains verisimilitude.
In the same way, I appreciated the
Financial Coup being incorporated into the story, instead of being tacked on as I had originally feared it would be. It’s easy to see the relation between the
moaning diamond, and using it’s potential wealth as a lever to advance this ingredient, so no one gets bonus points for incorporating those two together.
Another area where both submissions shine is hooks. Many times, submission will have the same hook repeatedly, just from a slightly different angle. Not so here: edge goes, of course, to seasong, who is even creating twists to his own hooks mid-stream! I like ways of drawing a party into an adventure without railroading, and both submissions have multiple avenues in.
One thing I was surprised about, ingredient-wise.
The Moaning Diamond is an out-of-the-box 3E artifact, but neither submission took the bait on that one. Strictly speaking, there are no points taken off for liberal interpretation of this ingredient, but I would like to see someone make use of summoning an elder earth elemental with maximum hit points. Ouch!
So, how do I make a judgment? Well there were a few weaknesses, in each post. Greybar slaps on the ingredient
A Brace of Gargolyes there is not enough in-story reason for the gargoyles to be antagonists. Also, I wonder if a party that was equipped with the spell “Fly” would serve to ruin the pacing of his adventure, as the speed of fly has got to be greater than barge travel. Really that’s it, though. Although we all suspected that the former bandit might make an appearance in his adventure, I did not guess that Penelore was the thief until it was revealed. The only other suggestion that I can make is to build surprise, the party spend time in the city before the theft takes place to establish the heroic character couple of Wrightson and Penelore. Oh, and the feathered hat (on the captian) is silly!
Seasong, has a few weaknesses too. For one – for the Love of Glub his submission is long.! This was his single biggest deduction, though I too tend to be verbose – the mantra is do as I SAY, not as I DO
The other issue is, without some judicious application of which twists to use, the plot in seasong’s submission can get over-convoluted. The double, double cross is a great plot device, but a triple cross with a patsy can leave players with a sense of “oh, just kill everybody, they’re all guilty, I know it!” Someone’s always gotta play the straight man.
I’ve yet to show a clear indication of the winner. Well, I’ll just tell you straight out, and then say why. It’s
Seasong and it’s for his triple-threat
moaning diamond as item that drive’s the
Fincial Coup, motivates the
Brace of Gragolyes to preserve their home, acts as a MacGuffin to advance Rupert’s story line, and is the key to the
fogged windows. It’s too good. It’s the winner by a nose.
Gentlemen, please post exposition.
PS: Quickbeam - let me add my sypathies - I did not before, and they are certainly there.
Mythago, and Mirthcard: you are next, chime in when ready (becasue your ingredient's sure are!)
.
. Makes me wonder if that's what incognito intended...
. And this is cut down!
