Winter IrondDM (Winner)!

[Greybar]

Iron DM Winter Exposition

I am very proud of my little swashbuckling in the fog creation and I make no excuses for that. I think that seasong deserved the win primarily for the key thing that defines Iron DM: ingredients. Here's how I handled my ingredients and why I think I lost.

The Captain - The captain formed in my mind quickly and never left the creation. I originally started writing the scenario with the heroes being called to the Captain, he gives them the mission, and then commits suicide in front of them in shame. Originally there was a city wall for him to leap from into the canal but that got discarded.

Fogged window - the fog element was certainly something I kept ahold off, though I wish I could have brought the fogged window in more. It was a scene-setting element for the revelation of betrayal. I don't know if I really could have made it much more than that without disrupting the story.

Simple lock - I immediately decided that the lock couldn't be a locking mechanism, the fog and the lock joined into the canal with docks idea, and away we went.

The Moaning Diamond - I never even thought to look for that in the DMG magic item list. I guess that comes from the rarity of high-level play in my games. One idea for this diamond is that it was responsible for the fog that shrouds the city of Midrushing, and that someone with sorcerous blood (Penelore or her father) could learn to activate it. One idea for the final fight involved Penelore pleading that her father forced her to do this, that he would have exposed her to Wrightson and broken their love, all the while she is actually doing a full-round action to summon a fog elemental (treat as Air Elemental without Whirlwind power). I regret not wrapping the diamond more into the story for the additional ingredient power.

Financial Coup - this was the backdrop to the Captain's tale, rather that a central plot element. In all honesty I don't think a focused short adventure can have SIX central elements, and to be brusque I think seasong and quickbeam's entries earlier show this. To make everything central is to make everything de-centralized and the plot stretched and plodding.

A Brace of Gargoyles - here was something I cut out to make it tighter that perhaps I should have kept. I originally placed Penelore's father (Revyn Thorp) at the final lock. Notice that in the backstory I had his arm crippled and his body lost and presumed dead. Of course any reader knows that means he's really not dead. I originally put him there, with a grotesque brace upon his crippled arm. A brace made of two gargoyles stretching down his arm, moving it like a cybernetic piece. +2 Strength to that arm for tohit/dmg and the like. The gargoyles would shriek and spit at the heroes as they fought Revyn Thorp. Yeah, I shouldn't have cut that. I looked at my adventure and saw it was at 1600 words and thought it was too much. Bad call on my side. I fell back to the more conventional pair of gargoyles and then didn't tie in the ingredient.

whew, there you go!

Incognito: to the fly concern. My thought was that at 4-6th level the party probably couldn't muster the ability for the entire party to fly. Two gargoyles (CR4) would effectively force anything less than the entire group back to the ground. Probably more of a loophole would be numerous Boots of Striding and Springing or somesuch. In short though, the name of the game for this one was style. If the GM knows that the players have the potential to book, then they don't get brought in for an hour later or the canal is a mile shorter. This style-base scenario is why they'll always meet the ruffians at the first gate just as they're starting to set the bridge on fire, and they'll always get to the final lock as Penelore is just entering it. Sure, if the players really pull out a great thing the GM will alter that plan: "Yes, really, I'm willing to burn the one wish in this item to teleport us to the Diamond."

John

 

[seasong]

And seasong, old pal - not for nothing - you barely won. Greybar's scenario was STRONG. The "fly" spell loophole bugged me, somewhere deep in my DMs cap.

Hey, I gave him three '!'s, didn't I? I thought I'd lost. I was preparing my "here's why I agree with the judgement" post, and I rewrote it slightly to accomodate the change in status.

Incidentally, here's my exposition. This one was painful.

The very first thing I did when I read these ingredients was thought "diamond heist". That's why I didn't use the artifact - it would have interefered with my heist idea.

I envisioned dark london fog, dirty docks and dock workers, unsavory sorts... exactly the sort of things my players wish I would run less often . Those dock workers, in fact, were so good, I immediately knew I had another ingredient, them, and come hell or high water, I was going to involve them.

I started with Oxwater being a storm port on the way between coastal cities. Rupert had purchased the diamond, and was trying to hide it in an obscure place (Oxwater) while he found a seller. This version had a much more villainous Captain, who planned to out-and-out ruin Rupert... it also had a twist, which I was unfortunately only weakly able to work into this one, that Rupert was in fact a major member of the thieves' guild, and was setting the good Captain up for a major fall (the moaning diamond was a fake).

I worked in the foggy windows, but very weakly, and the lock of hair (originally Rupert's dastardly plan)... and then I started trying to figure out how to shift it from a good story to an adventure that the PCs were actually involved in.

Somewhere between then and writing up the actual scenario, I had several hours of very painful mental block. Then I hit upon the key - a volcano that would blow if the gem wasn't left in it. Suddenly, my diamond macguffin wasn't just a macguffin anymore! It had purpose! Reason! Value!

I refocused the entire adventure around the diamond and the financial coup tied up in it. I made up a couple of factions interested in the diamond NOT being on the island, threw hooks at the PCs from each faction's angle (including some freebie twists). The gargoyles wrote themselves, as did Rupert .

Then it was polish time. I put together The Vicious Tart to help with the scenery (and to provide a boat battle with the gargoyles, which appealed to me for some reason). Once I had the boat, I wanted the gargoyles to really be a threat to Rupert's life, so I came up with a way for them to spot his cabin, instead of having to go door-to-door... and which very nicely used my diamond again!

Then I went back through the whole thing and editted where ever necessary to add windowed cabins, the frosting effect of the diamond, and Rupert's idiocy.

A few more signature bits - twists, another hook, Uuhef, a few bits of detail for the tavern to help DMs that want to make it evil.

Then I started cutting. Oh, it was painful. I took out a whole chunk of biography for Thrace & Lace, about 250 words. I chopped off The Vicious Tart's history, including why it was named that (its original one-eyed captain was in love with the woman who'd taken his eye), another 200 words. I decided that the evil aunt who wanted Rupert dead didn't need more than a Twist Mention, another 200 words. And other bits of history were chopped, including Oxport, the wizard that set the Moaning Diamond in place, and Rupert, all for about 150 words.

Then I posted, went back, read Greybar's entry, and very nearly cried.

 

[Isida Kep'Tukari]

Hey! What about the Judge?!? See if you win any o MY IronDM competitions!

And of course, the judges also do a great job. Very tireless, those judges, and wickedly creative when it comes to ingredients.

 

[mythago]

Mission to Sunreturn
An adventure for 3-6 characters, levels 6-9

Sunreturn Island
Sunreturn is a beautiful tropical island, but it attracts few tourists. This is because, first, the archipelago of which is it a part is small and produces barely enough food for the locals; second, because it is the home of the School of the Purposeful Way, better known to outsiders as the "monks' university ."

The School is an elite boarding school, its unusual and powerful techniques taught by the most revered Masters of empty-handed combat in the world. Ambitious monks everywhere vie to be permitted to study here. (More traditional Masters frown at this sort of competitive foolishness, but as ever, the patient cousel of the old is drowned out by the eager clamoring of the young and energetic.)

To encourage the practical use of these skills, and to help burn off a bit of youthful energy and competitiveness, once a year there is a competition between athletic teams of 4-6 students. The winners get bragging rights and perhaps an extra helping of pickled fish in their evening rice meal.

Where The PCs Come In
The party is going to be hastily sent to Sunreturn by their patron, or someone who is willing to pay them an extraordinary sum of money to go; work with your PCs' motivations.

The patron works for the high priest of a powerful god who would not be anathema to the PCs. The god revealed, in a vision, that a powerful and important minor artifact was hidden on Sunreturn. The monks of Sunreturn would hardly cooperate, so the priest hatched a plan: arrange for a group of travelling monks to "visit" and get the artifact back in the confusion of the Sunreturn festivities. A band of trustworthy monks was located and persuaded to help, but en route their ship hit a shoal, and went down with all hands.

Desperate, the high priest conferred with the PCs' patron, who had an idea: why not disguise a trustworthy band of adventurers as monks and let them get the artifact? And so the plan was hatched....

The PCs are taken to Sunreturn Island by ship. They must leave all their weapons, armor, mounts, large familiars, backpacks full of items, and "obvious" goodies (like rings) on the ship; monks don't wear these things. They will instead wear plain monks' robes marked with the sigil of Master Siu, who the PCs are assured is in on the whole plan. To signal the crew to come get them, one character is given an alchemist's flare.

Arrival on Sunreturn
Master Siu turns out to be old, apparently blind and senile, but nobody will challenge the PCs beyond giving the "visiting students" some odd looks. The PCs will lead the spartan lives of monks for a few days until the festival itself begins. This will give them plenty of time to explore the island and find the Witch Tree.

Help in the Forest
Sunreturn was once home to several dryads. Bound to rainforest trees, not oaks, the dryads are unusual; at least six feet tall, their skin is mahogany-dark and their hair is brilliantly colored. The first monks to arrive got the idea that the dryads were "dark elves," that is, drow, and they proceeded to kill all they could find. Now, the one surviving dryad has a correct paranoia about monks. Her home tree, a coconut palm, is known as the Witch Tree for reasons that the monks no longer recall.

She will sense there is something unusual about the PCs and, curious, try to investigate them further. The PCs will do best parleying, but if they subdue, Charm or kill her, they will eventually find the gifts she has that can help them. She will be delighted to find out the group is putting one over on the monks, and will freely give them the gifts.

The first gift is a Belt of Giant Strength +6. (It can be hidden under monks' robes.) The second item is a Periapt of Proof Against Poison. (These items are "cursed"; if taken more than 300' from the dryad's tree, they permanently lose all magic.) The third is an ancient map of the tunnels beneath Sunreturn. If told of their mission, the dryad will point to a cave marked at the end of the maze of tunnels, and suggest the item is probably there.

The Contests
The festival lasts three days. Each day is a mixture of tedious, but traditional, rituals, and one contest. Each "team" of monks is the same size as the party (so if your group has 4 people, each team has 4 monks). The competitors should be a match for the characters.

Day One: wrestling. The Girdle of Giant Strength should give an advantage.

Day Two: a scavenger hunt for odd items in the forest, such as a coconut, three white-and-yellow flowers, and a living poisonous red snake. The Periapt will be invaluable in capturing the snake.

Day Three: the tunnels. These are downhill tunnels worn through the volcanic rock of the island, wet with seawater and completely dark. The goal is to reach the cave at the bottom. Once in, the contestant zooms down the wet tunnel, trying not to miss left or right turns. Wrong turns open onto a cliff face 20' over the sea.

Anyone who has carefully read the map will be able to reach the cave. There, in a shallow pool, is the plate-mail-clad corpse of a knight. His armor has rusted completely, except for his gauntlets, which are still bright. These are Gauntlets of Climbing and Swimming, once the property of a great paladin. (They are not Gauntlets of Proof Against Broken Necks, as the knight discovered.) A single upward-slanting tunnel (Climb check, DC 25) leads out of the cave and to victory.

When the PC emerges with the obvious gauntlets, the monks will finally realize they are dealing with imposters. The group will have to flee for their lives down to the shore to try and signal the ship. Luckily, the ship's crew will have heard the roar of a hundred angry monks, and will be waiting to whisk the PCs off Sunreturn in the nick of time.

 

[Gizzard]

Greybar v. Seasong. Wow, that was a strong round. When I read Greybar's submission late last night I was sure that he would win - what are the chances that his opponent could top that story? But when I read Seasong's this evening, well, I knew it was going to be close.

Fortunately, I dont have to chose between them - as a matter of fact, I think I will grab both and store them away in my little DM folder of future ideas. Great job to both!

Then I started cutting. Oh, it was painful. I took out a whole chunk of biography for Thrace & Lace, about 250 words...

Maybe you can release a Boxed Set in a couple of months containing the Directors Cut of the story and some resin bookends of Thrace & Lace? ;-)

 

[Steverooo]

Summoning...

Hey, Quickbeam? What if the PCs summoned a Rust Monster?

 

[Steverooo]

QB

PS: Quickbeam - let me add my sypathies - I did not before, and they are certainly there.

Ditto.

 

[Imhotepthewise]

Wow! what great entries! I admire the talent and effort put into IRON DM.

Steverooo, sometimes a kind poster will run a Home Game of Iron DM concurrently with the main one. It's a good time to hone your skill to possibly join the "big kids" someday. Or you could run one.

 

[Quickbeam]

Re: Summoning...

Hey, Quickbeam? What if the PCs summoned a Rust Monster?

That is certainly an option I'd considered, along with the PC's capturing a few Rust Monsters from the surrounding area and turning them loose. Similarly, the group could solicit the aid of a 7th level (or higher) druid to cast rusting grasp on the Golem for them. I just wasn't sure what level summoning spell would be required to conjure a Rust Monster, and there's a fair chance that none of the party memebers would even have the necessary spell among their arsenal.

The guardian wasn't intended to be an insurmountable foe...just surprisingly difficult at first glance for both the party and the Jackalwere pirates. As I mentioned earlier, I would also hope that even if the PC's managed to defeat the Golem and learned that the scythe was the real Blade of Jaern, they'd leave it with the tomb anyhow. Most of the characters in my campaigns possess a fairly high degree of honor, and graverobbing a paladin's crypt falls well outside their collective code of ethics .

And thanks for the kind words of sympathy.

 

[Mirth]

I wasn't planning on this but I'm conceding this round to mythago.

I was getting ready to write up my entry this morning and turned on the TV to see the news about the Space Shuttle. I was (still am) a little too bummed to work on my entry.

Other than posting to some of my PbP games today, I think I'm gonna stay off the boards for the day.

Good luck to everyone.