Women who Roleplay at Convetions: Stalking Incidents?

[Templetroll]

You didn't hire any male spokesmodels?

One of the VPs in the company had that job. He interviewed men and women, all attractive and personable and hired, 9 times out of 10, a buxom young woman with long hair and slim hips. He did hire one guy as a writer/protoge' who was very GQ and an imaginative but non-gaming type. That fellow enjoyed the job for the summer, but left since he really didn't care at all about gaming.

BTW, he had no input for hiring me.

The guys for the booth were fellows from the office; we did the grunt labor of putting up the booth, then working the show, then taking the booth down... We called it a BoB Job (BoB = Beast of Burden) I got to go to GenCon 3 times, Vegas and Atlanta; it was cool.

So they switched to hiring attractive men and women in, like, normal clothes.

Our booth uniform was tan slacks and a red polo shirt. I thought we looked really bland, but we always got a lot of attention.

 

[Templetroll]

I really don't understand companies, game or otherwise, that hire models with the idea "Hey! People will see our cute booth babes and stop!" Then they are shocked, shocked when the people stopping don't immediately switch their attention from the salesmodel to the War of 1812 simulation.

Actually, we ended up with each game having three stations for play. The problem guys, for the women, were the ones who weren't able to get their hands on a joystick. There's something Freudian in that, but I'll just leave it alone.

 

[Trevalon Moonleirion]

originally posted by Paul_Klein

As a stunningly handsome guy, I've had similar problems with women stalking me ....

Damn! I thought I was the only guy out there with this problem! We should start a support group...

 

[FraserRonald]

We've also all heard stories about people who don't take no for an answer, because they think "no" means "keep bugging me until I say yes, then we'll live happily ever after." I don't think it's promoting instant gratification to say that stalking someone until s/he falls for you is creepy, not romantic.

This subject makes me think of the Anakin/Amidala thing in SW:AotC. I mean, how many young men are growing up with that as an image? In the 'first' trilogy, you had Han and Leia's bickering (Hepburn/Tracey like), and Luke's innocent interest, but I don't think these were bad examples. Especially when Han swallows his pride and actually says "I'm sorry" after he upsets Leia. I would say that the actions of Han in SW:RotJ were very juvenile, but so was I when I watched it, and are a better example than "I'm-going-to-keep-bugging-you-even-when-you-say-no" Anakin.

But that's just my opinion.

 

[Henry]

I'm about to sound like I'm seventy years old here.

My mother and father raised me with respect towards people, but particularly towards women - that's what I was taught. When I was dating, I wouldn't have DREAMT of following some girl or woman home, much less asking them a second time for a date or a coffee after she said "no" the first time. The mindset that says, "you can hunt a woman down until she says yes" just pushes one of my hot buttons. But that is indeed the message that is pushed through most cultural facets I see these days.

About the only thing I've seen to even begin to counter it is the "girl power" icons (shows like "Charmed", "Buffy", and older icons like "La Femme Nikita") - which, while good entertainment, and inspirations to be more assertive, aren't exactly shining icons of emulation, since I see a lot of inference that the answer is not to be assertive, but to "wear the leather pants of evil and push back."

The problem also comes up in a more insidious fashion - it reinforces the thought patterns of pervs like that that all women are assertive to the point of being "bad girls just waiting to come out" - which is as far from the message the show gives as you can get.

OK - I'm done with sounding 70 now. But stalking, even the "informal type" that most posters are describing here, proves to me just how sparse self-respect and respect for others truly is.

 

[Regdar]

Regdar has never stalked a woman but has been stalked, obviously due to Regdar's greatness and Iconic status. Regdar finds that if the need is great, wealth takes care of the need...

Now if only Pirate Cat would stop calling at the odd hours......

 

[barsoomcore]

I don't know if anyone else here has seen the incredibly cool

INCREDIBLY COOL

Korean movie Volcano High, but there's a moment in it that pertains to this discussion and in particular to Henry's point above, about respect.

In the film, Dark Ox Jang Ryang (captain of the weightlifting team and the bad guy of the piece) is trying to convince Icy Jade (captain of the kendo team) that he loves her. He's on his knees, begging and pleading and demanding.

He's already kicked our scrappy underdog hero, Kim Kyung-Soo, into the back wall, so everyone's surprised when Kim stands up and says:

"One should never pester a girl for her affections! It's not manly!"

Then a big, incredibly cool

INCREDIBLY COOL

fight takes place, of course.

But I agree with Henry and with Kim Kyung-Soo (with the caveat that "manly" is being used to mean "noble"). Show some respect -- not only for other people, but by golly for yourself! Aren't you ashamed to be skulking around some person who has no interest in you? Aren't you better than that? Can't you find people who LIKE you?

QUIT WHINING AND GET A LIFE!

Our society makes it too easy for people to be pathetic losers. We expect nothing from each other because we're terrified of making people feel bad if they fail.

You know what? You SHOULD feel bad if you fail. Get it right next time.

If a girl tells you to get lost, you SHOULD feel like an idiot. You're SUPPOSED to. Because nine times out of ten, when a girl or a boy tells you to get lost, you've just been an idiot.

Grrrr.

I've been told I come across as arrogant and intimidating because I challenge people to prove themselves. That I seem really confident -- as though this were a bad thing!

And frankly I'm a mess of insecurities and doubts -- but I'll be durned if I'll let anyone else see that!

Oh, wait, I didn't mean to say that...

I'm blathering ("Really? We'd never have known..."). Stalking is cowardly behaviour. It truly maddens me.

Now, when I was fifteen, I had a terrible crush on a girl. I called her half-a-dozen times one night. She was obviously trying to get rid of me, but I just wasn't getting it. She might very well have seen my behaviour as stalker-like, and it might very well have frightened her. On the other hand, she never ever said to me, "No thanks." She kept saying things like, "I'm busy," which as an insecure fifteen-year-old I was unable to translate.

I was fifteen and I was incredibly insecure. Maybe if I had been taught to be more trusting in myself I wouldn't have behaved in such a way. Maybe if I'd been more adept at social translation I would have understood her sideways rejections. Maybe if she had had more faith in herself, she would have been able to explain the situation to me clearly and not left me with little tendrils of hope I kept grabbing onto and refusing to let go of. Cowardly? Yes. Typical adolescent behaviour? I think so. And part of the learning process, I suppose.

So stalking is cowardly, certainly. So is not being clear when you don't want someone's attentions. The difference is that one is an invasion of privacy.

So anyways, if you get a chance to see Volcano High, make sure you do. It's incredibly cool

INCREDIBLY COOL.

 

[KitanaVorr]

I've never been to a gaming convention, so I can't answer about what goes on there. However, I have not had the unfortunate instance of being stalked (and I hope I never will) and I think it has something to do with my personality.

Its not because I'm wretched ugly or something (lol at the point of sounding nearly vain, I've been considered gorgeous and have participated in beauty contests and fashion shows) or that I'm a complete uh..."witch" or anything like that. In fact, I'm extremely flirtateous and affectionate.

Perhaps the part of the problem is being able to nip it in the bud before it begins to get to be a problem. I think that I haven't had any stalkers because I intimidate men. Perhaps that's the way to go. If you scare the pants off of them with your intelligence and exude an aura of well power, they'll back off. I think those kind of men prefer to stalk women they feel are not a threat to them, that they feel won't put up a fight.

I've visually seen the expression on men's face change from "oh look isn't she such a cute little sweet friendly bubbly stereotypical asian girl" to "oh my god she's a martial artist who can kick my butt physically and mentally, run away run away".

So ladies, maybe the answer is to be more confident in person (not just online) and exude an aura of power and intimidation. To let men know that you're not going to put up with something like that...ever.

That way you can differentiate the creepy guys from the shy guys. I've also found that the 'creepy' guys lose their creepiness when you find the correct way to approach them that makes them feel at ease. Not to say that there aren't some total wack-jobs out there that nothing you can do will diffuse the situation, but I think this will work with 90% of those problems out there.

I know that we women can't solve the problem ourselves (but we'll keep on trying since we're natural problem solvers) and that men have to learn to grow up but maybe this will keep us surviving for now.

And the NEXT idiot guy who says that women's intelligence is huddled around average...!!! Is someone who doesn't know the complicated dynamics of women at all...

 

[mythago]

While being assertive and straighforward are Good Things, they are not proof against stalking. Trust me.

There are plenty of men who treat intelligence and a steely gaze as a challenge, making you just that much more interesting to "break." Not trying to dissuade you from the righteous butt-kicking path, mind.

Now if only Pirate Cat would stop calling at the odd hours......

Dude. Cats scratch on the screen door at 4 a.m. It's what they DO.