D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Majoru Oakheart]

At the home game? Point out that tantrums at game are never acceptable, and that the next one is the last one.

At the AL game? If he makes a scene, ask the event coordinator to deal with him. I don't know about yours, but I've seen EC's at two different stores (in two different states) bounce players for making a scene. Disruptive behavior is, per the ALPG, not to be tolerated.

Page 15 of the DDALPG_EE has the following (a few points omitted):

• Participants must not conduct themselves in a manner
  that is disruptive to the enjoyment or safety of others
  at the event.
• Participants noticing disruptive behavior should make
  those responsible for the behavior aware of their
  actions. If a participant feels uncomfortable bringing
  it to the attention of the disruptive individual, the
  participant should notify the organizer of the event
  immediately.
• The Dungeon Master has the right to ask a disruptive
  player to leave the table and speak with the organizer.
  The organizer has the right to remove a disruptive or
  threatening player or Dungeon Master from the play
  area or premises.

Yeah. Technically, I am the event coordinator. Someone at the store places the order for the adventures but they know absolutely nothing about organized play. They accidentally ordered Encounters rather than Expeditions the first month because they didn't know the difference. They don't even sell Dnd books there. They are purely a CCG store. We begged them to use their space since no other stores in the city had room on Tuesdays.

I'm the one who asked them to order the adventures for us and I'm the one who decides which ones to run every week. I'm also the one begging other people to be my second or third DM to make sure we can accommodate all the people showing up.

I'm not sure the store cares what goes on at the dnd sessions. They just know that we show up and take up some tables once a week.

Really, I'm the closest thing we have to the person who would make the decision to get rid of him. It's precisely because I'm likely within my rights to kick him out that I made this post to begin with. I didn't want to abuse my power and kick him out if he didn't deserve it. I felt that I might be too close to the situation and wanted the opinions of some more neutral people.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

I think they're in their 30s or 40s...

Unfortunately, yes. Everyone involved is in their 30s. Except maybe him. I don't honestly know his age but he is the youngest of our social circle and might be 28 or 29. But, most of the original drama happened when he was around 20 and I was in my late 20s.

I kinda wish I could blame this on teenage angst.

 

[billd91]

This rather changes the entire context of the situation.

Not really. I just adds a little more context - like tantrum's girlfriend is not a very good friend to MO by ratting out his statements about tantrum. Whether she intended to or not, if she did tell him everything, she's poisoned the well. Frankly, MO might be better off not associating with either of them until the girlfriend realizes that tantrum's behavior is borderline abusive.

 

[cmad1977]

Dude, if you get to make the call tell him something like

'Hey look. Someone from another table mentioned what happened last week to me. They said THE outburst made them uncomfortable and they weren't sure they are coming back. That's bad for business. We need people coming back. To that end we cannot have episodes like last week. If there is a disagreement or misunderstanding in the future it has to be dealt with in a mature fashion.'

Then if it happens again you boot him. If you don't follow through they won't respect you.

Edit: tell him the store owner came to you and complained. And that any more incidents migh result in your entire tables eviction from the store

 

[S'mon]

Still, I think the fact that I've put up with him for this many years because I believe everyone has the right to play DnD is precisely why I should be the one in charge around here.

If you think everyone has a claim-right to play D&D that imposes a duty on others (you) to GM for them, all I can say is I very strongly disagree. Everyone is at liberty to play D&D, but no one
has a duty to GM for bad players. You have been facilitating and empowering bad
behaviour for years. You have probably encouraged an attitude of entitlement that has led him to behave badly in other GMs' games too. All you guys need to start expecting & requiring reasonable standards of decent behaviour.

 

[S'mon]

I've been told to show up at 6 like nothing's happened.

These people have no right to tell you what to do. It's because you act like a doormat that you get treated like a doormat.

Edit: Boot them both from the AL games and the home game. Tell GF she can come back if/when she learns to behave decently. Or go on being a doormat, but don't bother asking for advice, because you already know what the right answer is.

 

[Celtavian]

Majoru is in one of those no win situations. He's firmly entrenched in a gaming group where both parties involved in the conflict have strong relationships with the other parties involved in the gaming activity they both participate in. Both have been part of this group for years and probably enjoy being part of the group. I have been in his situation, though not for organized activities. I game with friends I've known for over twenty years. Some of these friends were friends with other guys I don't necessarily enjoy gaming with and we have had blow ups at the table where everyone has to start deciding who they're going to game with. It's a tough situation to be in. We have had such extreme blow ups that guys haven't shown up again for years because one guy or the other has said, "If this guy shows up, I'm not showing up."

You can't win in these situations. Most of the tertiary parties who don't have a conflict with either of the conflicting parties don't want to pick sides. They leave it up to the two parties involved to work the beef out. If they can't, they wait until one of them leaves not caring which it is.

What if Majoru presses it and the majority of people side against him? Does he try to recruit a whole new group? Or they decide they want him to leave and the other guy to stay? Does he leave and try to find a new group and rebuild the same level of friendship he has with the current group? Is this conflict making annoying everyone else because they think both Majoru and this other guy are acting like asses?

It's a bad situation with no easy resolution. If it were me, either the guy I didn't like gaming with would leave or I would leave. I'd make it clear that the choice needed to be made. I would abide by the group choice finding something else to do. If Majoru isn't willing to do that, he should swallow it, ignore the guy's outbursts while he's dming, and avoid the conflict as much as possible.

 

[ExploderWizard]

But my roommate who was still DMing at the time would say "i understand, but what are you going to do, kick him out simply because he is annoying? We have 3 or 4 people who show up every week who are annoying. He's not the only one. Since you can't kick him out, learn to let it go."

Gaming is supposed to be a fun social activity. Subjecting yourself to annoying players week after week is always your choice. You CAN say no to people if you know that they will spoil the fun of the game for others. Not only CAN you say no, it is your DUTY to tell them no as DM to preserve a good game for your decent players. The fate of a DM who puts up with annoying idiots is being doomed to eventually have nothing but a table full of them to play with.

Still, I think the fact that I've put up with him for this many years because I believe everyone has the right to play DnD is precisely why I should be the one in charge around here.

The right to play D&D? A social activity partaken for enjoyment isn't a right. People are free to chose how they spend their personal time and annoying people will either learn to be more mature if they want to spend that time with others or learn to spend that time alone. What about the rights of people who just want to play without all the tantrums and drama? Why are their rights less important than those of someone who spoils a good time for the group.

A D&D play group is first and foremost a social group. When it comes to individual rights, the rights of those who DON'T disrupt the group should come first.

No gaming is better than bad gaming. If you aren't willing to walk away from it for a while and tolerate any bad behavior just to game, then your experiences will continue to be miserable.

 

[painted_klown]

OP,

I have read through this entire thread and have come to the conclusion that a lot of the drama seems to be caused by the GF.

You stated that she lived with you, but not that you two had dated. By the way your story reads, she left your place without wanting to really come out and say she was leaving, as if she wanted to avoid drama, or perhaps hurting your feelings. Maybe I am way off base here, but it appears that maybe you had romantic feelings for her in the past (and she realized it) and that is why the bitterness between you and her BF continues to this day.

You admitted yourself that you have a harder time letting things go than the ouburst guy. Maybe he knows deep down that you liked the girl, and he "stole" (for lack of a better word) her away from you before you could cement your relationship with her. Perhaps that is why he doesn't try to (physically) fight you.

These types of passionate feelings can run deep. I have seen many friendships completely dissolve (or become strained) because of a woman. From the sounds of it, you are all part of a larger circle of friends, so it makes it difficult to simply walk away from the situation entirely, that I get 100%.

However, I do feel that you need to really "search your feelings" in regards to the GF (your former room mate) and why you may have the riff with her BF. If you still have feelings for her (and I suspect you do, from what you have written), that would explain why you have so much disdain for him.

Yeah, the guy may very well be an idiot, but your negative opinion of him is (perhaps) exaserbated because you feel like "How could she have chosen this idiot over me?".

I am not trying to say you are wrong for having feelings & emotions. I get it man, really, I do. Also, I am NOT trying to lecture you, or anything like that. I am sincerely trying to help. I have been in similar siutations before and I know that it can be very difficult to "get over it", especially if you're really young when it happens.

Time heals all wounds, but you owe it to yourself to move forward with your life. You didn't mention if you currently have a GF, but if you do, she is the one that needs to fill your thougts. Not a long lost love. You and your relationship with her deserve beter than that.

If you do not currently have a GF, then get yourself out there and find a new lady. You'll be happier for it, and it will help to dissipate your hard feelings for the disruptive BF.


TL;DR - Search your feelings and move forward.

Good luck, and happy gaming.

 

[Evenglare]

I say "Seriously, he does the same thing every week. I'm wondering if I even want him to come anymore." His girlfriend says "Yeah, he does the same thing every week. He shouldn't come. But then I'm not coming either. You are now being a butt(not the word she used) and you can go to hell." Then she gets up and leaves to run after him. She isn't able to find him. Their car is gone. She tries to call him, his phone is off.

I offer to give them a ride home if they need it since it's the least I can do. His girlfriend tells me she doesn't want a ride from me and would rather take the bus. They both pick up their stuff and leave. This leaves me, and the random guy I don't know very well sitting at the table dumbfounded as to what to do. I give him experience up to the point we made it to in the adventure and apologize that the game turned out that way.

Sorry this is really bothering me, you imply that you are speaking to his girlfriend and he is gone... yet you switch to the word "they" when only the girl friend and the guy you didn't know was left.