D&D General Rant: Sometimes I Hate the D&D Community

[Umbran]

I . . . I don't understand certain people in the D&D community, and it's quite frustrating. We constantly fight over nothing, write thousands of words in huge posts about why someone else's style of play is badwrongfun, and whine about minor changes in the game as if they're the end of the hobby.

So, one path to understanding many of the behaviors that annoy you is this: remember that under the veneer of civilization, the community is basically a bunch of monkeys with cell phones. Lots of the toxic behaviors you see have their roots in basic tribal primate behaviors, which, alas, were optimized for smallish face-to-face groups, not for large communities with semi-anonymous telecommunications.

Yea, I know. But you wouldn't believe how often people get offended by someone expressing their opinion on an aspect of the game. (That has nothing to do with person A telling person B that their play style is wrong)

You also probably wouldn't believe how often people fail to recognize that they could have expressed the same opinion with slightly different words, and avoided the problem.

The moment you blame someone else is the moment when you maximize your own ability to screw up the situation.

 

[Guest 7034872]

I agree with everything both payn and Charlaquin have said on this, but as an addendum I do also think there's something specific to D&Ders and quarreling. Let's face this: we're nerds, and when nerds fall to debating something nerdy (especially something nerdy that has no great ramifications outside its own nerdy domain), we, um...we can "get a little too into it."

My degree is not in psych, so I'm only guessing here, but my hunch is that a lot of how and why RPG nerds quarrel about RPGs and related stuff has to do with unconscious social dominance hierarchies. Humans are very driven by social hierarchies, and those of us who've been on the lower rungs of society's broader hierarchies, when we find a more accepting and inviting sub-culture hierarchy like among D&Ders, our energy to climb that social dominance ladder can get intense. I speak only for myself: the only way I've managed to avoid these behaviors is by becoming consciously aware of them and making an equally conscious decision not to indulge them. Where I let myself fall into these habits, I do fall.

Dirty Harry said it long ago: "A man's got to know his limitations."

 

[Deset Gled]

deleted

 

[BookTenTiger]

So, one path to understanding many of the behaviors that annoy you is this: remember that under the veneer of civilization, the community is basically a bunch of monkeys with cell phones. Lots of the toxic behaviors you see have their roots in basic tribal primate behaviors, which, alas, were optimized for smallish face-to-face groups, not for large communities with semi-anonymous telecommunications.

Excuse me sir, I am an ape, not a monkey, and my ancestors worked very hard to make it so.

 

[Bolares]

Hey @AcererakTriple6 I get what you are saying, and it's natural to get frustrated sometimes. Human relashionships are hard. Having arguments and debates with people we know and love is hard, now imagine doing so on the internet, without the personal conection, and not knowing the person you are debating with. The internet sometimes makes us forget we are discussing with other people, with qualities and flaws. Most arguments are not about big disagreements, but small differences, that in the heat of the moment turn big. What I tend to do is disengage with people that are making me feel frustrated, or when I feel the conversation is going in circles. The D&D community is great, and has helped me through a lot of tough times, but as any community, it's made of people, and people are flawed...

 

[Mind of tempest]

It does sometimes feel like some people are looking for an excuse to be angry. If someone says

• "I don't care for X" the response is "Why do you hate X?"
• "I like the way Y works" the response is "Why are you trying to shout down improvements!"
• Try to back out of a discussion? Get response "So you're just going to declare victory?"
• State that our opinions just differ and try to move on? "You just won't admit you're wrong!"

I will be the first to admit I'm far from perfect and I'm an opinionated SOB. But it's just a game. In addition, it's a really, really big tent. People can have different perspectives and opinions, we can disagree without that disagreement being an attack.

We can have different styles and things we like and dislike. My DMing style, my gaming group's style may not work for you. That's fine, I long ago accepted that when I DM I'm not going to please everyone. It's the same with topics that come up here. I think that's awesome that people have different ways of playing, different preferences. Whether you do straight up dungeon crawls or spend hours on shopping trips, as long a you're having fun you're doing it right.

I am sadly guilty of that mix of curiosity and a seeming inability to feel any passion beyond hype or hate and you can end up in some horrible places.

 

[Bolares]

Excuse me sir, I am an ape, not a monkey, and my ancestors worked very hard to make it so.

I was today years old when I learned ape and monkey are not the same thing...

 

[R_J_K75]

I hear the beauty community has some strange addiction to tea,

Its called hashish.

 

[This Effin’ GM]

I was today years old when I learned ape and monkey are not the same thing...

Welcome to the wide and wonderful world of primates

 

[Umbran]

I will be the first to admit I'm far from perfect and I'm an opinionated SOB.

If you admit you are an opinionated SOB, you don't have a lot of leeway to complain about how others treat you. You reap what you sow, and all that.