I think your players have to help you make the game work. Play 5e like you did for a good while, but don't try to bend yourself to fit the system, bend the game to fit your desires. Build encounters to be cinematic and action packed, screw the DMG rules. Push your players from action scene to action scene, one big set battle piece at the time. Don't want roleplay? Skip those encounters as cut-scenes!
Drop the part you or your table. Just because it's in the book doesn't mean you have to use it.
And stop overthinking it: your players want everything and it's opposite. Dont give too much attention to their demands. Propose a game; they join or they dont. If they want a rule-light-tactical-action-packed-roleplay-less-story-first-with-high-customization-and-quick-generation, they can come forward with some ideas.
Respect yourself.