Are TTRPGs Even a "Good" Hobby?

[zakael19]

A fun time with friends. The ability to be creative in making a world and NPCs. Crafting stories together we'll remember for years. Thrills, laughs.
I just don't get it often. I'm working too hard to be able to have a good time. Everyone else but me gets to have fun.

My prep for my 3 hour 5e game last night was 15 minutes of sketching out a notional floorplan for a townhouse and a couple notable things in rooms, a quick list of significant NPCs at the party with a couple quirks; and probably another 15-20 minutes of finding some damn maps for my VTT in case it came up (it didn't).

The rest was "present premise" and boom, go. My players said it was the funniest and most enjoyable session yet. We started in a pre-made adventure, and have dropped that to pursue stuff they want to and its been vastly smoother sailing since.

Yeah, not everybody can run like this, but you sound self-flagellating in every post you make, like the DM bound upon the cross of endless prep + terrible play.

 

[SlyFlourish]

I think RPGs are the best hobby in the world. They get us together with our friends so we can laugh and be creative together. I think it hits a lot of core needs of people all at once – community, creativity, flow.

I think RPGs save peoples' lives. I think today, more than ever, it's easy to be isolated in the crowd of our crazy online world and that isolation is worse for you than smoking.

There are few hobbies these days that bring adults together and yet that companionship and friendship is vital to our existence.

So that's the larger question. Are they good? Yes.

But individual issues and concerns might be getting in the way. Feeling like we're not prepared enough. Feeling like our friends are going to make fun of us. Going through the hassle of getting people together in the first place. There are lots of challenges to get a good game going and keeping it going.

It also sounds like you might be too invested in the larger "community" instead of just the players you have at the table. I can relate. I spend almost every waking moment thinking about or being involved in some way with RPGs. It's my main job and my main hobby. But I still love getting together with my friends to play.

If you need a break, certainly, take a break. But maybe start by taking a break from wherever you're hanging out online that's making you feel like your game with your friends isn't good enough. We have to find healthy places to get our entertainment and companionship and avoid those that bring us stress and sorrow. It's hard but we can do it.

Here are some articles I wrote that might help:

Playing D&D Can Save Your Life

"Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Loneliness kills." The above quote is from Dr. Robert Waldinger, the caretaker for the Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 80 year study that fo...

slyflourish.com

Finding and Maintaining a D&D Group

Updated 12 September 2020. This article is reposed with permission from the original posted to D&D Beyond on March 2018. It is the first in a series of articles focused on helping new D&D DMs put toge...

slyflourish.com

Building Stronger Friendships through D&D

Keotep, a Patron of Sly Flourish asks: Online tools, like Discord, create amazing opportunities to meet and play D&D with many new people from literally everywhere. Do you have any top tips on buildi...

slyflourish.com

Managing Player Attendance with an On-Call List

The hardest part about running a Dungeons & Dragons game is finding players and keeping them coming back to your table week after week. We love to pontificate the importance of preparation, building s...

slyflourish.com

Prepare a D&D Game in 15 Minutes

The original Lazy Dungeon Master offered recommendations for "five minute game prep". Looking back, I oversold this idea. I don't think it's realistic to fully a prep a game in only five minutes. I fi...

slyflourish.com

Dealing with D&D Pre-Game Nervousness

We all feel it. It's game night and your friends are coming over (either in person or online). We feel it in the pits of our stomachs. Will this be the one? Will this be the game we drop on the floor?...

slyflourish.com

 

[TheLibrarian]

You hit on a lot of the reasons I also feel like I'm on the way out the door. I still love RPGs, but they've just become... work. And stressful work for a lot of the reasons you outlined.

I'll add to the pile of complications something I've been personally struggling with: The current socio-political environment. I'm scared I'll say or do something that offends someone and get screamed at. Sticks and stones and all, but I still don't want to deal with the drama.

 

[SlyFlourish]

You hit on a lot of the reasons I also feel like I'm on the way out the door. I still love RPGs, but they've just become... work. And stressful work for a lot of the reasons you outlined.

I'll add to the pile of complications something I've been personally struggling with: The current socio-political environment. I'm scared I'll say or do something that offends someone and get screamed at. Sticks and stones and all, but I still don't want to deal with the drama.

If you're going into things with good intentions and are able to recognize your own mistakes, you shouldn't have to worry about saying the wrong thing. If you're actually worried, people will forgive you if you overstep.

And, of course, safety tools – some type of X card (I like "pause for a minute"). A list of lines and veils up front.

Go in with good intentions.

 

[Thomas Shey]

Retreater, I'm going to kind of rephrase what I think some others here are saying.

It doesn't matter what we answer to your specific questions. Because we're not you. I've had problems with some of them in the past and with some groups, and when I did, in the end I usually had to walk away for a while. Our answers aren't going to mostly be useful, because we're not you and we're not in your situation.

 

[TheSword]

I wanted to spend a bit of time as a player in WFRP because I talk a good game about it but have never actually seen it from a players perspective - which I think is bad for any DM. I'm the only one who really wants to DM the game out of all my groups, because it requires some VTT set up for online play and the others just aren't into that. So I checked out available games on the discord. Saw one, said I was interested. Did session zero a fortnight ago and just finished our first full session tonight.

There were 8 players, combat was slow, lots of people didn't know the rules, there were some rookie errors. There were some uncomfortable silences at first. But an hour in, folks were cracking jokes, laughing at silly situations. Talking with people all over the world and basically having a ball.

I had set my expectations low because it was pot luck but It was a really fun session. Lucky I think because of a good DM who put some life and entertainment into it, but it could have gone the other way. He didnt follow the rules too closely, improvised a lot and generally was very enabling to the players. So now I know I can just turn up, roll some dice, laugh with some folks and do some heroing once a week with a game I enjoy.

More than anyone else I've ever heard from, you need to spend some time as a player. It feels like you just take the game too seriously - certainly more than your players do. None of the things you said below require taking the game really seriously to achieve. Let someone else do the work for a change.

A fun time with friends. The ability to be creative in making a world and NPCs. Crafting stories together we'll remember for years. Thrills, laughs.
I just don't get it often. I'm working too hard to be able to have a good time. Everyone else but me gets to have fun.

At the moment I think you have a choice between Face to Face that you know is hard work. Or VTT with strangers that might be fun even if not quite the same. I think you probably need to accept that there is no system that is going to fix your gaming group and expectation problems.

I guess my point is good games are out there if you want them. Don’t put all the responsibility for it on yourself.

 

[Warpiglet-7]

A fun time with friends. The ability to be creative in making a world and NPCs. Crafting stories together we'll remember for years. Thrills, laughs.
I just don't get it often. I'm working too hard to be able to have a good time. Everyone else but me gets to have fun.

This is the crux of it good sir.

Too much is placed on by self and other.

I am obsessed in a way. I love playing my game of choice. When I am not able to play, I think of characters. Sometimes I craft. Sometimes I DM. But I play with friends and we take turns with the work.

I look forward to playing and sometimes to DMing. But I mix It up.

It’s given me an outlet and comfort and a distraction. I collect minis, rarely paint and am always ready to play. I have a character
App on my phone. I mess around with that even while I am getting an oil change.

I am struggling to get motivation to craft and DM right now. I have a hard emotionally draining job…and it’s ok. Tonight I read ENWorld and think of the Paladin I want to play.

With respect, I have read some of your posts here and think this is a “little red hen scenario.” It’s all on you, all the time.

Take a break by all means but hook up with people that will take on some of the damn work. No one can crank out great entertainment and creativity forever, consistently.

It’s a great hobby—the best hobby! If your needs are met. If not, it’s like anything else.

Maybe be a player in an online game where your only prep is grabbing your dice and try that on for a while…

 

[Warpiglet-7]

I wanted to spend a bit of time as a player in WFRP because I talk a good game about it but have never actually seen it from a players perspective - which I think is bad for any DM. I'm the only one who really wants to DM the game out of all my groups, because it requires some VTT set up for online play and the others just aren't into that. So I checked out available games on the discord. Saw one, said I was interested. Did session zero a fortnight ago and just finished our first full session tonight.

There were 8 players, combat was slow, lots of people didn't know the rules, there were some rookie errors. There were some uncomfortable silences at first. But an hour in, folks were cracking jokes, laughing at silly situations. Talking with people all over the world and basically having a ball.

I had set my expectations low because it was pot luck but It was a really fun session. Lucky I think because of a good DM who put some life and entertainment into it, but it could have gone the other way. He didnt follow the rules too closely, improvised a lot and generally was very enabling to the players. So now I know I can just turn up, roll some dice, laugh with some folks and do some heroing once a week with a game I enjoy.

More than anyone else I've ever heard from, you need to spend some time as a player. It feels like you just take the game too seriously - certainly more than your players do. None of the things you said below require taking the game really seriously to achieve. Let someone else do the work for a change.



At the moment I think you have a choice between Face to Face that you know is hard work. Or VTT with strangers that might be fun even if not quite the same. I think you probably need to accept that there is no system that is going to fix your gaming group and expectation problems.

I guess my point is good games are out there if you want them. Don’t put all the responsibility for it on yourself.

I cross posted and said some of the same. Time to play and let others do some work.

 

[Grendel_Khan]

You hit on a lot of the reasons I also feel like I'm on the way out the door. I still love RPGs, but they've just become... work. And stressful work for a lot of the reasons you outlined.

I'll add to the pile of complications something I've been personally struggling with: The current socio-political environment. I'm scared I'll say or do something that offends someone and get screamed at. Sticks and stones and all, but I still don't want to deal with the drama.

You're seriously shoe-horning a cancel culture gripe into this thread?

 

[Cordwainer Fish]

By the surly beard of Mrifk, if you're not having fun then STOP.