Can anyone explain the logic behind the silent treatment?

[Nifft]

This isn't a matter for logic. It may be a matter of denial and other psychological issues.

There's certainly room for spite. And raccoons!

-- N

 

[Blair Goatsblood]

.....Or is it just people being people?

For a few seconds I was unsure if this thread was about gaming or dating.....

 

[Aus_Snow]

For a few seconds I was unsure if this thread was about gaming or dating.....

Muh?

Me no get da ref'rence.

 

[Felon]

Felon, if you can't take solace in this ... then your heart has truly turned to stone.

LOL...Now now, the guy does have a wife (which I suspect may be at the heart of the issue).

This isn't a matter for logic. It may be a matter of denial and other psychological issues.

Denial? Look, the "it's only a game" line is true to a point, but we're not talking about Uno or Battleship here. People have given up their Sunday afternoon and burned up some gas in order to show up for this campaign, and as the DM I'm putting in plenty of time and effort before the game trying to make it as good as possible. The frustration I feel isn't due to a loss of perspective. It may only be a game, but there's some investment on the part of everyone involved. And once again, I certainly had every impression that the guy appreciated that.

 

[jeffh]

felon, I think that line right there is probably at the root of your problem and situation. You have someone that appeared to be interested in your campaign and made plans to be there. However, in his mind, he hasn't made a 'real' commitment; you're just some stranger, and if some friend he has calls up and says 'Bob, let's go for a beer', he'll hie off without even thinking that not returning your call is unusual.

To him, it's 'just a game', no more important than you might consider something trivial. He enjoys it, perhaps a great deal, but he's not going to let the fact that he made a commitment get in the way of something else he obviously considers more important. Never mind that other people treat it as they should: like any other social commitment, and if something else comes up that doesn't involve life and limb, they say 'I'm sorry, but I've made previous plans'.

Still no excuse for no call-ahead, but then... to him, you're just not worth those few seconds.

Or, he's laying upside down in a ravine somewhere, getting chewed on by raccoons.

WayneLigon wins the thread - for both of the possibilities he suggests.

 

[WmRAllen67]

For a few seconds I was unsure if this thread was about gaming or dating.....

And I was all set to explain "shunning" as practiced by social groups in preindustrial communities as a form of punishment...

 

[Kheti sa-Menik]

I don't think the issue at hand that the OP wanted to discuss was his anger at this guy who blew him off. I think it is the OP's wonder at someone who makes a committment to be somewhere and then with nary a call or email, ditches those who did make an effort to attend.

I feel the same way. In the games I play and run, we meet same time, same place every week. I seriously doubt someone would forget about it. If I'm not going to make a game, I do everything and anything possible to alert my fellows. They respect me as a person, I respect them as people. I respect the time they devote to game every week and vice versa. Common courtesy dictates that when you make a committment, you stick to it; if you can't then you let the other person or persons know.

I live in western NY State. As anyone who has seen the national news recently knows, we got hit by a major winter storm Thursday night/Friday morning. Hundreds stranded on highways, trees down with damage to thousands of homes, more than 200,000 people without electricity or water and some don't expect to get it back until next weekend; the place has been declared a state disaster area and we're getting FEMA aid. But still, our game was on Monday evening and everyone in my group made an effort to contact someone else to find out if we were still playing or to let them know we couldn't make it.

Courtesy and respect. It's what it is about.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

A Shackled City game that was already restarted by a new DM after the previous incarnation of it died. I'm going to go to my grave never knowing how close we got to rescuing those freaking orphans.


I still am, but I'm a newspaper reporter, and the election is kicking my tail all over the place -- I'm currently doing double the amount of work I do in a normal week -- so it's on hold until November.

If you really want to know how close you got I could tell you, based on where you were in the adventure. Of course you could get in another Shacked City game.

When you run the Ptolus pbp send me an e-mail to let me know. I'd definitely be interested.

Olaf the Stout

 

[fusangite]

Felon,

You are preaching to the choir. I hate to sound ageist but, in my experience, the only people with whom this ever happens are people born since 1980. Apparently, suddenly ceasing to communicate with someone is normal etiquette. Personally, I find it cowardly and disrespectful -- and I'm looking for a lame excuse here not an honest and forthright rejection. Just a polite falsehood we can both buy into. What is so difficult about that?

And I'm talking to you (you know who you are).

 

[jeffh]

Felon,

You are preaching to the choir. I hate to sound ageist but, in my experience, the only people with whom this ever happens are people born since 1980. Apparently, suddenly ceasing to communicate with someone is normal etiquette. Personally, I find it cowardly and disrespectful -- and I'm looking for a lame excuse here not an honest and forthright rejection. Just a polite falsehood we can both buy into. What is so difficult about that?

And I'm talking to you (you know who you are).

Outside gaming contexts, I've received this from people born well before 1980. (Inside gaming contexts, it's too dark to read I've never had this happen to me at all.) The two most egregious examples I can remember involved people my own age (born 1973) and took place in 2000 and 2001. I don't think any age group is immune, though given that it's partially a maturity thing (or so I'd like to think), it's obvious why it would tend to be younger people.