TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published
- Thread starter Quasqueton
- Start date
FreeTheSlaves
Adventurer
Didn't someone write up some material with % "liar" instead of lair. Maybe it was just a minor fluff...
Demmero
Explorer
My turn! My turn!
37. Chloe the Nymph (Again)
If the PCs used the antidote to bring the lake back to normal, Chloe is crying because all the forest birds have returned and are singing but not joking loudly. The nymph says she doesn’t like blonde jokes, though, being brunette herself. If the PCs didn’t pour the antidote into the lake, the nymph wants the deer back to make stew.
To determine the nymph’s actions towards the party, roll 1d6:
1-2) Chloe is friendly with the party and offers to knit them all sweaters;
3-4) Chloe is friendly and doesn’t direct sleep against them;
3-4) Chloe is friendly and grants them any one wish (except that one);
5-6) Chloe is friendly with the male PC with the highest Charisma (unless his Cha is higher than hers, in which case he should be friendly to her).
In any event, the nymph immediately threatens to attack.
If the party allows the nymph to finish reading the boxed text, then a tall creature that looks like a cross between a dragon and a puppet emerges from the secret door in the tree, mumbling something about copyright infringement and threatening to take back the module writer’s stash. Chloe doesn’t know about the secret door, being a nymph and not a dryad. After walking around haphazardly to convince the PCs that it isn’t a soldier, the dragon-puppet attacks anyways!
The dragon-puppet (AC 2; MV 12”; HD 1 or 11 (see below); #AT 3; Dmg 1-4/1-4/10-120 [claw/claw/teeth in really big head]; SA none; SD none; Note: the creature’s HD is either 1 or 11, depending) carries no weapons or treasure. For equipment it has a sharp handaxe, a longsword, and a pouch containing 300 gp for traveling expenses. Although honorable, the dragon-puppet stole this equipment from a band of wererats (unrelated to those from Encounter #8). If the PCs had any equipment stolen during that encounter, the dragon-puppet also carries that.
37. Chloe the Nymph (Again)
If the PCs used the antidote to bring the lake back to normal, Chloe is crying because all the forest birds have returned and are singing but not joking loudly. The nymph says she doesn’t like blonde jokes, though, being brunette herself. If the PCs didn’t pour the antidote into the lake, the nymph wants the deer back to make stew.
To determine the nymph’s actions towards the party, roll 1d6:
1-2) Chloe is friendly with the party and offers to knit them all sweaters;
3-4) Chloe is friendly and doesn’t direct sleep against them;
3-4) Chloe is friendly and grants them any one wish (except that one);
5-6) Chloe is friendly with the male PC with the highest Charisma (unless his Cha is higher than hers, in which case he should be friendly to her).
In any event, the nymph immediately threatens to attack.
If the party allows the nymph to finish reading the boxed text, then a tall creature that looks like a cross between a dragon and a puppet emerges from the secret door in the tree, mumbling something about copyright infringement and threatening to take back the module writer’s stash. Chloe doesn’t know about the secret door, being a nymph and not a dryad. After walking around haphazardly to convince the PCs that it isn’t a soldier, the dragon-puppet attacks anyways!
The dragon-puppet (AC 2; MV 12”; HD 1 or 11 (see below); #AT 3; Dmg 1-4/1-4/10-120 [claw/claw/teeth in really big head]; SA none; SD none; Note: the creature’s HD is either 1 or 11, depending) carries no weapons or treasure. For equipment it has a sharp handaxe, a longsword, and a pouch containing 300 gp for traveling expenses. Although honorable, the dragon-puppet stole this equipment from a band of wererats (unrelated to those from Encounter #8). If the PCs had any equipment stolen during that encounter, the dragon-puppet also carries that.
lukelightning
First Post
Oh, darn, I was thinking of the square root of 2 (irrational number).
Staffan said:
griff_goodbeard
First Post
Am I the only one who would love to see Rich put the Order of the Stick gang through this adventure. 
That would be priceless.
That would be priceless.
lukelightning
First Post
Encounter 51: Chloe again.
While the party is doing whatever they are currently doing (perhaps joking loudly or tarrying), Chloe the nymph appears out of the woods.
Chloe is distressed because her goldfish is sleeping but really it is dead. She cries at a random PC, roll 1d6: 1: She cries at the closest person. 2: She cries at whoever is looking at her first. 3: She cries at nobody in particular. 4: She cries at the wizard. 4: She cries at everyone but the wizard. 5: She cries to the handsomest man. 6: She cries at the goldfish.
Chloe is inconsolable. If a PC consols her she will stop crying. Unfortunately her crying has attracted the attention of the Winter Wolf. If the winter wolf is already dead then her crying attracts another winter wolf, possibly the same one. The stats for the winter wolf (the original one or the one replacing the dead one) are: (AC 6; MV 12"; HD 3+1; hp 16 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [sword]; SA Surprise on 1-4; SD Hit only by silver or +1 or better magic weapons, % in lair 100).
If the players kill the wolf Chloe will stop crying, unless she's already stopped crying, in which case she will continue to not cry. She will not joke under any circumstances. However, once she sees the wolf dead she will be saddened and commence to start crying. The goldfish can not be awakened.
While the party is doing whatever they are currently doing (perhaps joking loudly or tarrying), Chloe the nymph appears out of the woods.
Chloe is distressed because her goldfish is sleeping but really it is dead. She cries at a random PC, roll 1d6: 1: She cries at the closest person. 2: She cries at whoever is looking at her first. 3: She cries at nobody in particular. 4: She cries at the wizard. 4: She cries at everyone but the wizard. 5: She cries to the handsomest man. 6: She cries at the goldfish.
Chloe is inconsolable. If a PC consols her she will stop crying. Unfortunately her crying has attracted the attention of the Winter Wolf. If the winter wolf is already dead then her crying attracts another winter wolf, possibly the same one. The stats for the winter wolf (the original one or the one replacing the dead one) are: (AC 6; MV 12"; HD 3+1; hp 16 each; #AT 1; Dmg 1-8 [sword]; SA Surprise on 1-4; SD Hit only by silver or +1 or better magic weapons, % in lair 100).
If the players kill the wolf Chloe will stop crying, unless she's already stopped crying, in which case she will continue to not cry. She will not joke under any circumstances. However, once she sees the wolf dead she will be saddened and commence to start crying. The goldfish can not be awakened.
sad_genius
First Post
Back to the rope bridge:
"A magical item is lost, or 200 gp if the party member has none."
But I don't have any gold pieces! How can you take my gold if i have none!
PS - This thread has conclusively proven that any description of anything that is not laughing or talking loudly is funny.
"A magical item is lost, or 200 gp if the party member has none."
But I don't have any gold pieces! How can you take my gold if i have none!
PS - This thread has conclusively proven that any description of anything that is not laughing or talking loudly is funny.
sad_genius
First Post
FreeTheSlaves said:
I believe that was the Arduin Grimoire (?) - the author had consistently misread % lair and therefore listed all his monsters with a percentage that the creature might *be a liar*.
Jack of Shadows
First Post
reveal said:
OK,
That one put me over my laugh out loud threshold. And it's from reveal, what a shock.
Jack
Jack of Shadows
First Post
Olgar Shiverstone said:
Ah good old Dragonlance, aka Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Jack
Tiberius
Explorer
Rystil Arden said:Ah yes, that reminds me of the way that several 2e modules actually managed to penalise you for having the highest Charisma by making the enemies specifically target "The PC with the highest Charisma"
Well, that's actually a sound tactical choice, given that pallies needed 17+ Cha.
Last edited:
GrayLinnorm
Explorer
I like this thread! Here's another encounter:
Encounter #19: Draconians On Parade.
As you walk down the trial, you see a group of creatures that appear to be half-human, half-dragon, playing drums. They are not singing. They are not joking. They are not tarrying. They are not drinking merlot. They are not wearing capes. They are not discussing what those numbers on Lost mean. Their faces are expressionless. Suddenly the leader stops, pulls out a map, looks at it, and says "Wait a minute, we were supposed to go to area 44! Wait a minute, this isn't even the right module! Oh crap!" You then notice that their drumsticks are swords.
Roll d6 to determine what the draconians (AC 2, HD 4, hp 3 each, Move 6/{15}/18, # of attacks 2, damage 1-4 (fly), In Lair 1000%) do next: 1-3 the draconians are surprised; 3-3 the party is surprised; 3-4 everyone is surprised, unless they're not; 3-5 the draconians read poetry; 3-6 a character loses their main weapon (e.g. monks lose their hands); 3 the DM gives up and decides to run Orc and Pie instead.
The draconians fight until everyone is dead. If the party wins, the leader gives them 100 gp. They can take the apples, gazebo, and pie.
The draconians fight until
Encounter #19: Draconians On Parade.
As you walk down the trial, you see a group of creatures that appear to be half-human, half-dragon, playing drums. They are not singing. They are not joking. They are not tarrying. They are not drinking merlot. They are not wearing capes. They are not discussing what those numbers on Lost mean. Their faces are expressionless. Suddenly the leader stops, pulls out a map, looks at it, and says "Wait a minute, we were supposed to go to area 44! Wait a minute, this isn't even the right module! Oh crap!" You then notice that their drumsticks are swords.
Roll d6 to determine what the draconians (AC 2, HD 4, hp 3 each, Move 6/{15}/18, # of attacks 2, damage 1-4 (fly), In Lair 1000%) do next: 1-3 the draconians are surprised; 3-3 the party is surprised; 3-4 everyone is surprised, unless they're not; 3-5 the draconians read poetry; 3-6 a character loses their main weapon (e.g. monks lose their hands); 3 the DM gives up and decides to run Orc and Pie instead.
The draconians fight until everyone is dead. If the party wins, the leader gives them 100 gp. They can take the apples, gazebo, and pie.
The draconians fight until
Matchstick
Adventurer
lukelightning said:
OK, that one finally got me, I laughed right out loud while sitting here at work.
Hahahahahahahahahaha!
http://www.pen-paper.net/rpgdb.php?op=showcreator&creatorid=4023
That's our boy Carl's resume.
Another howler is "Patriots of Ulek." Here's an excerpt from an old review I wrote of it:
"To begin, a good portion of the module takes place in the province of Prinzfield, as the players make their way from Ulek's capitol to the home of the province's governor, in the City of Rittersmarche. This encompasses a third of the module, and yet each encounter is written in "boxed text," allowing absolutely no PC interaction with the surroundings. For example, in one encounter the PCs enter a town, talk with the populace, meet the local mayor, eat a meal with him and leave, all without ever having made a decision for themselves. This is fine if modules are meant to simply be a showcase of the designer's writing talents, but since that is not the point, it is not fine, and Patriots of Ulek suffers deathly because of it."
I'm trapped at work, but if someone has this adventure handy, I think the boxed text described above would make for good discussion fodder.
Oh, and Needle is absolutely terrible. I mean mind-numbingly awful.
--Erik
That's our boy Carl's resume.
Another howler is "Patriots of Ulek." Here's an excerpt from an old review I wrote of it:
"To begin, a good portion of the module takes place in the province of Prinzfield, as the players make their way from Ulek's capitol to the home of the province's governor, in the City of Rittersmarche. This encompasses a third of the module, and yet each encounter is written in "boxed text," allowing absolutely no PC interaction with the surroundings. For example, in one encounter the PCs enter a town, talk with the populace, meet the local mayor, eat a meal with him and leave, all without ever having made a decision for themselves. This is fine if modules are meant to simply be a showcase of the designer's writing talents, but since that is not the point, it is not fine, and Patriots of Ulek suffers deathly because of it."
I'm trapped at work, but if someone has this adventure handy, I think the boxed text described above would make for good discussion fodder.
Oh, and Needle is absolutely terrible. I mean mind-numbingly awful.
--Erik
Simplicity
Explorer
Erik Mona said:
Wow, he wrote a Dungeon #1 article... That's cool.
But then he had his fingers in the Dragonlance DL series...
Should have known.
Why are there like sixteen "staff" people on the DL adventure credits? Damn.
How many people did TSR need to write an adventure?
wingsandsword
Legend
I can only imagine because it makes accountability very hard.Simplicity said:
If the module is a huge success, everybody gets resume padding and can share in the credit, claiming that they did most of the work themselves.
If the module is a huge failure, they can claim that it didn't reflect what they wanted, and the other people in the project changed/ignored/ruined your contributions and it wouldnt have been so bad if they'd been in charge.
Thus, they could crank out bad module after bad module, and blame could easily be transferred around, but if a good one were produced, everybody would suddenly look like they were a great designer. Dogbert would be proud.
Also, total inefficiency in doing things (16 staff people, to write an adventure) is a hallmark of TSR, and one of the things that drove them into the ground.
Similar Threads
