TSR Example from the worst TSR adventure module(s) ever published

[Dannyalcatraz]

I liked this one

Roll 1d6:

0) The nymph informs you politely to roll 1d6, not 1d10. Furthermore, she melodically clarifies that a 0 on 1d10 is actually a 10. She does this without singing or being an acrobat.
1) The nymph is surprised.
2 - 3) The winter wolf is surprised.
3) Schrodinger's Cat may or may not be surprised.
4 - 6) The sleeping deer is surprised, but cannot be awakened.
7) The players are surprised and demand to see your d6.

But I'd change it up juuuuuust a little bit...

4 - 6) The sleeping narcoleptic goat is surprised, so it wakes, bleats, then passes out. (Roll again, adding +2 to the roll)

 

[Olgar Shiverstone]

Ah, how I missed this thread. My review of N2:

"I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats!" - Olgar

 

[coyote6]

Ah, how I missed this thread. My review of N2:

"I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats!" - Olgar

That's weird, I had the exact same review.

Was your DM named The Amazing Alexander, too?

 

[Joshua Randall]

Bump, because a thread this funny deserves to be aired out at least once a year.

 

[Insight]

Bump, because a thread this funny deserves to be aired out at least once a year.

This thread should be put into some sort of archive so future generations can appreciate its awesomeness.

 

[ssspaladin]

Carl Smith :: Pen & Paper RPG Database

That's our boy Carl's resume.

Another howler is "Patriots of Ulek." Here's an excerpt from an old review I wrote of it:

"To begin, a good portion of the module takes place in the province of Prinzfield, as the players make their way from Ulek's capitol to the home of the province's governor, in the City of Rittersmarche. This encompasses a third of the module, and yet each encounter is written in "boxed text," allowing absolutely no PC interaction with the surroundings. For example, in one encounter the PCs enter a town, talk with the populace, meet the local mayor, eat a meal with him and leave, all without ever having made a decision for themselves. This is fine if modules are meant to simply be a showcase of the designer's writing talents, but since that is not the point, it is not fine, and Patriots of Ulek suffers deathly because of it."

I'm trapped at work, but if someone has this adventure handy, I think the boxed text described above would make for good discussion fodder.

Oh, and Needle is absolutely terrible. I mean mind-numbingly awful.

--Erik

This is what I get for lurking and rarely reading the forums -- a two-year old reminder of my early rpg writing career.

I entered this thread with a sense of impending doom, knowing that one of my old modules was going to show up. I recall your review, Eric and linked to it from my old website with the headline "Why I Suck, Part 12." I can only say that I was much younger then and this was my first full-length module.

Yeah, "Patriots of Ulek" pretty much blows goats, as does "Rary the Traitor," my other TSR module from that era. Hopefully my subsequent work on FR and Dark Sun and as developer for The Scarred Lands made amends for my earlier sins. We all gotta start somewhere.

That said, at least "PoU" was better than "Forest Oracle..."

Anthony Pryor
(aka ssspaladin)

 

[Erik Mona]

Anthony, if it makes you feel any better, I was much younger when I wrote that review, too!

And I didn't think Rary the Traitor was _that_ bad.

I mean, aside from the blue dragon named "Volt," that is. I used the poster map a lot, at least...

--Erik

 

[invokethehojo]

Ok, so its the end of a long day at work, I will try my hand at a made up encounter. (roll a d6... fail!)

(the poster does not know how to make boxed text)

9. The front gate

"A portcullis blocks the entrance"

You see a portcullis. The portcullis is made of metal. Behind it is a box that has tipped over exposing some old meat and a silver cup. The portcullis has become rusted. The bars are not made of iron, but of tungston. A rat chews heartily at the meat, appearing to be content. You can tell from it's droppings that this is an local rat, but has always dreamed of moving to the city. The portcullis is knot locked. the rats name is fred.

roll a d6

1-2 There is no box, roll a d6
--- 1-2 also, there is no spoon
--- 2-5 there is instead a tent, which the rat lives in
--- 4-6 the poster apologizes for not knowing how to make boxed text
3-4 The rat attacks, roll a d6
--- 1-2 it is rabid and has vorpal teeth
--- 5-6 it resembles your cousin steve, so you shant attack it
--- 4 the rat killed your parents, prepare to die!
7-8 The PC's wish to examine the rat droppings, roll a d6
--- 3-1 They are gritty and taste of raspberries, indicating that a mindflayer lives inside
--- 1-6 They smell of christmas and enui
--- 9-2 They are tasteless, smellless and motionless. roll a d6
---------- 1-4 you go home
---------- 5-3 you impale yourself on your sword
---------- 4-6 your suddenly hungry for tacos. roll a d7
----------------- 0-3 chicken tacos
----------------- 4-5 bean and cheese tacos
----------------- 3-6 you had a taco in waterdeep once, mind you your not a taco kind of guy

 

[Ulrick]

Maybe somebody should start a thread about some of the 3PP modules that came out under the OGL. Although I wonder if any would have the nostalgia surrounding classics like The Forest Oracle or the Patriots of Ulek.

 

[Man in the Funny Hat]

That said, at least "PoU" was better than "Forest Oracle..."

Don't be too hard on yourself in any case. You may have written it, but somebody read it, liked it, approved its publication, paid you for it, proofread it, printed it and sold it to the public who bought it and said nothing for YEARS afterward...

There's LOT's of blame to go around in these things.