Faux pas - putting your worst foot forward

[Thunderfoot]

But I have remembered another good one!

When I was a freshman in college I moved in the dorms two doors down from one of my best friends from High School. I was sitting in his room, chatting with him and some other people on the floor when his phone rings. We've all been joking around, and (since this is before the age of widespread caller ID) someone quips, "It's probably his mother!" as I pick up the phone to answer, "Dave's house of porn and pain, how may I direct your call?"

His mother, after a stunned silence, answers "...is David there?"

I blushed and handed him the phone, muttering profuse apologies.

A year passes, and we find ourselves in a similar situation, and my phone rings. Dave's lips quirk into a tiny smile as he scoops up the phone (still no caller ID). "Kennon's house of porn and pain, how may I direct your call?" he says.

My mother, stunned for a second, asks, "...is Kennon there?"

Ah Karma...

 

[Thunderfoot]

This is a linguistic faux pas, but I knew enough of the language to know better.

Summer of 1998. My mother, a friend of her's, and I are staying in the beautiful Swiss tourist trap of Lucerne. Everyone there speaks excellent English, which is good because my German is just good enough to earn me a long prison sentence. We're sitting down in this little place called the Cafe California and we want to know what comes on the hamburgers. We've heard horror stories about hamburgers with sauerkraut.

The host lists a set of ingredients and then pauses. He shrugs and says "Gorke." I've heard the word before and I'm trying desperately to remember what it means. I wasn't smart enough to just say "No gorke for us, thank you."

After about thirty seconds I realize what it and blurt out "Oh, pickles!" The water/owner recoils like I just dropped my pants and relieved myself right there on his table. I do not have the presence of mind to try to explain. I merely insist that that's relaly what gorke is.

I think he must have decided I wasn't trying to be an ass, but he looked at me funny all through the meal. In German, pickel is a term for a zit. I was implying that his hamburgers had acne. Whoops.

It's okay, for the three years I was stationed in Augsburg courtesy of Unca Sam, I earned the nickname "Butcher". It wasn't because I was handy with a meat cleaver.

 

[Thunderfoot]

i'm never gonna be able to watch Linus in the Pumpkin Patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin EVAR again. and keep a straight face...


Rel must be Bargle in this world.

Pumpkin Pie used to be my favorite dessert - I'll never be able to eat it again without laughing - you'll probably hear about it on the news, man dies choking on pumpkin pie.

 

[Thunderfoot]

I tend to get a little crude, mostly joking about things, to see what kinds of reactions I get. I was at a party one evening with my wife and daughter (who was still young enough to be breast-feeding). And for some reason or other, I was talking about my wife's pregnancy and her body returning to its normal dimensions... with one exeption. That's when I said, just as the music was shifting between songs, "Yeah, and she's got these enormous hooters."

Of course my wife heard that. I have yet to hear the last of it about 6 years on.

The best part about kids is the boobie fairy!

 

[Impeesa]

The best part about kids is the boobie fairy!

Eh, more than a handfull's a waste.

--Impeesa--

 

[reveal]

I've been watching too much porn again, haven't I?

There's no such thing.

 

[Darkness]

I'm not very good at accidentally embarrassing myself, but I think I'm slowly getting better at doing it on purpose.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

i'm never gonna be able to watch Linus in the Pumpkin Patch waiting for the Great Pumpkin EVAR again. and keep a straight face...


Rel must be Bargle in this world.

Don't feel bad. After a friend mangled the whole thing, I can never watch the smurfs again without thinking of the bit of Papa Smurf banging Smurfette and her begetting all those smurfs....

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Pumpkin Pie used to be my favorite dessert - I'll never be able to eat it again without laughing - you'll probably hear about it on the news, man dies choking on pumpkin pie.

Or: have you seen American Pie?

 

[Rel]

Eh, more than a handfull's a waste.

--Impeesa--

Among the vast array of wisdom that I have garnered from the proud Native Americans is that one should waste no part of the boobie.