Game session abruptly canceled

[billd91]

I'm disappointed. Then I get frustrated, then I get mad. I call back to tell M that I'm mad and I think it sucks that they're cancelling our plans at the last minute. M basically tells me I'm a no good jerk for being mad. We exchange heated words, and somehow its twisted to where I'm the one who's out of line because I think people should follow through on things they have agreed to do and not cancel at the last minute. Apparently its also unreasonable for me to want to change the session to my place the odd time once a year or so.
This isn't the first time they've cancelled on me at the last minute. The other times I'd already made the drive to their place and then had the session blown. I guess I should count my blessings. At least this time I didn't have to drive an hour to be let down.

Disappointment and frustration are natural reactions. Getting back on the phone and having heated words about it is out of line. Here's the thing - how well the parents think the kids will handle the change in venue as well as the 2 hours in the car trump your belief on whether or not they should follow-through with a gaming session plan, particularly when a 1 year old is involved. That's the long and short of it and it's a responsibility the parents have to bear. If they don't think the kids will do well enough with the change and drive, they have the responsibility to call it off no matter how much they want to game.
At least this time you got notice.

 

[boerngrim]

Ok I concede that my reaction may have been out of proportion. I've considered evryone's input, even the ones that are hard to hear.
Of course everyone here doesn't know all the circumstances leading up to today, and I won't go into that.
Suffice it to say if the situation were reversed, and I was the one who cancelled at the last minute without a darn good reason (I'm not saying their reason wasn't valid. I know that's subjective. I'm speaking hypothetically now) M would have reacted the much the same way I did. Probably something to do with family traits. I've seen him take it deeply personally when people cancel on him. Even in completely voluntary recreational situations. again I'm not saying its right. I feel its understandable to expect somone who's been in my shoes to understand my point of view. All I got from him though was a big wall of "so what".
I do appreciate all of you taking the time to respond. I had to hash this out. Thanks.

 

[boerngrim]

Disappointment and frustration are natural reactions. Getting back on the phone and having heated words about it is out of line. Here's the thing - how well the parents think the kids will handle the change in venue as well as the 2 hours in the car trump your belief on whether or not they should follow-through with a gaming session plan, particularly when a 1 year old is involved. That's the long and short of it and it's a responsibility the parents have to bear. If they don't think the kids will do well enough with the change and drive, they have the responsibility to call it off no matter how much they want to game.
At least this time you got notice.

It should be noted that this would not have been the first time they have packed the kids in the car and come over to visit. We are family after all. They were over for a visit just a couple weeks ago. Just the first time in over a year for the game session. They weren't coming to a strange environment, they were coming to a place the kids are familiar and seemingly comfortable with.

 

[Emirikol]

There are several issues here, but I don't think that actually stating your feelings is a problem..but like online....before you hit the SEND button, think for a second

Other than that, you've got several problems:
1. You don't have a set schedule
2. You don't have table rules that already say what the deal is
3. You are gaming with a married couple
4. You don't have enough players
5. NEVER get kids involved with gaming. Either you have a baby sitter or not. This needs to be planned a week in advance. If you're dealing with unreliable people, get them the heck out of your life.

jh

 

[JRR_Talking]

i agree with emrikol above

most of us are married but dont game with a spouse
half of us have kids, and we dont cart them around for gaming
we have up to 8 players

your group dynamic doesnt seem conducive to playing, though as you say you have played like this for some time

I hoped it resolves out well

John

 

[ShadowDenizen]

Interesting topic. (Warning: This is a sore point with me, since my friend just had has his PC killed in the campaign he plays in becase he missed 2 session due to last-minute family comittments.)

For me, bottom line?

D+D is a GAME, not work.
I should be able to call an hour before a session and expect not to be berated for it at the next session. (Of course, I also try to return the favor if someone cancels on me.)

RL happens; things come up ALL THE TIME that you can't expect or plan for.

 

[Squire James]

I suggest you simply let everyone cool down, and apologize for the burst of temper even if you feel it was warranted. Neither pride nor a game is worth messing up a valued relationship. Forgive and forget.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Gamer, totally inept at romance, flying off the hook when someone "disappoints" you...

Allow me to be the first to flaunt ENworld's own, unique brand of Godwin's Law, and just diagnose you with Asperger's here and now.

Wulf for the Win!

 

[Stalker0]

People canceling on me at the last minute also makes me very angry. Its basically the equivalent of saying, "My schedule is more important than yous." Now, there are good reasons for canceling of course, life happens. But if someone is going to cancel for a nonemergency, the DM deserves notice. Anything less would be uncivilized

 

[Ghendar]

Your friend was right. You were out of line.

Disappointment does not entitle you to be a jerk - and your being comfortable bringing the kids over isn't the issue and HIS being comfortable bringing the kids over isn't the issue either. Spend $250 and buy a clue: what the kids MOTHER is comfortable with is the test.

Your game; you friendship - his marriage. That's a hierarchy of priorities where gaming is going to lose out from time to time.

Call him back in a few days and apologize.

By the way: the easy solution was to go to his place and game. What - the animals can't take care of themselves for 6-8 hours? Not bloody likely.

<rolleyes>
They could have informed boerngrim EARLIER IN THE WEEK AND NOT AT THE LAST MOMENT that they were going to cancel. You ever think of that? If they didn't want to come over could they have not stated that a few days before instead of a last minute cancelation?