Head over heels for a girl.

[WhimsyTheFae]

...And with girls, there's almost an unconscious effort to show that your life has more challenges/complications than any other girls'...

I think that until you become an adult, it is unconscious. At least it appears that way from the perspective of a dad with a 16 year old drama queen daughter.

Xath: did you admit to yourself that this was the case before or after reaching adulthood? I wonder because it appears that my oldest daughter isn't aware of doing this (she vehemently denies this and just says that we don't understand). Maybe she is aware, but doesn't want to admit it to us.

 

[Xath]

I think that until you become an adult, it is unconscious. At least it appears that way from the perspective of a dad with a 16 year old drama queen daughter.

Xath: did you admit to yourself that this was the case before or after reaching adulthood? I wonder because it appears that my oldest daughter isn't aware of doing this (she vehemently denies this and just says that we don't understand). Maybe she is aware, but doesn't want to admit it to us.

It depends on what you mean by "adulthood." I'm only 20. And while I've had a subconscious knowledge of this for quite a while, I'd never admit it to my dad. Sheesh!
Dads just don't get it.

Noone likes to admit that they're fickle or predictable, especially in their fragile teenage years. When I was 16, I was trying to become an individual(?) adult, and I certainly didn't want anyone to "understand" me. But I at least like to think that I've grown out of it.

I don't think there's a set age though. I know people my age and older who still won't admit that they exhibit the above symptoms in the slightest. But don't worry. When she finally realizes what she's been doing, you'll get to laugh at her and tell stories to whoever her boyfriend is. (at least that's what my dad did.)

 

[WhimsyTheFae]

But don't worry. When she finally realizes what she's been doing, you'll get to laugh at her and tell stories to whoever her boyfriend is. (at least that's what my dad did.)

Well, she's already learned that bringing a boyfriend around me is an invitation for me to pick on her and/or him.

I still have two girls waiting in the wings (one 11 and the other 7), so heaven help me...

In keeping with Ferret's original post, I have also had some experience with young men who had similar feelings toward my daughter. So far, I have only had to intervene once (once you turn 18, I don't care if you are still in High School, don't call my daughter and try to meet her without her parent's knowledge - at the time, she was 14 ).

So, remember that it isn't just the girl that you risk, it could be much more (I know that I didn't consider the girl's parents when I was a teenager - but now I understand the intimidating glares and threatening postures - and those were the parents of girlfriends, not girls I was pursuing). If you pursue a girl after she has said no, you tread on dangerous ground.

 

[ssampier]

And here I thought this had been handled

Well, the aboveis a little closer, but it's still not quite there.

I always catch hell for this, but here it is...

Don't be nice to her.

Literally.

Do. Not. Be. Nice.

Being Nice, Cordial etc etc. is going to get you slotted into the "Good Friend" position real quick, and brother, you do not want to be there. Let me quote what Xath posted a little earlier...

I agree somewhat. This is not totally new advice to me, since I've read some "date advice" tips that suggest the same thing. One intro pointed out, "Don't be a jerk, but be cocky/funny such as complain about her driving, then reach over and kiss her or later, open her car door for her."

I think the trick is NOT be a door-mat. I've have seen door-mats and they aren't happy (all my friends intended up as door-mats, even though they probably won't admit it).

I think it is possible to take the "jerky" stuff too far. If you're a SOB 24 hours a day to her and she five nice, handsome, and richer guys flirt with her, where do you think she's going to go? It's not with your broke, jerky @ss.

The game theory is a valid point, though. Personally I'm 25 years old and I'm not interested in playing games; it's not fun for me, too much like work. That's why I'm single, for better or worse.

 

[Rel]

Noone likes to admit that they're fickle or predictable...

I could point out that you're replying to FickleGM but I'd only be doing it to irritate you.

 

[Belen]

It's the girl perspective of the thing. If guys didn't irritate girls, they'd have nothing to complain to their girlfriends about. And with girls, there's almost an unconscious effort to show that your life has more challenges/complications than any other girls'. And then, when you have made a successful "change" to your boyfriend, you get to gloat that much more. I don't understand where it comes from, but there it is.

For some successful ideas of what you can do to irritate your girlfriend/wife, watch a few episodes of Home Improvement or Everybody Loves Raymond.

Actually, I have found that venting about minor complaints regarding my wife to people who are not my wife tends to relieve pressure. It also helps when someone tells you that the "irritation" is stupid.

About the only thing that bugs me right now is the lack of a second car. Her lack of indepedence makes me feel like her dad rather than her husband. Hopefully, we will rectify that in the next few months, but it is hyper-annoying.

 

[Rel]

My initial advice in this thread was aimed at helping Ferret survive unrequieted love. If the topic has shifted to how to actually GET girls then TB is on the mark as usual. But like Eric said, I'd have had a hard time implementing that advice when I was that age. I was initially very "nice" when I approached the woman who would eventually become my wife and she blew me off. Later when I was accidentally dismissive toward her (I told her that we'd "just be friends"), she responded in the way that I wanted her to.

My father has given me lots of really good advice over the years but I still recall two particularly good bits he gave me when I was young. One of them was that men tend to put women on a pedestal because "they have a monopoly on the [kitty cat] and we think that makes them special". But he went on to say, "Once you put somebody on a pedestal though, you can really only do one thing with them: Worship. From afar. And you don't want to be afar. You want to be right up close where she keeps the [kitty cat]."

In short, don't treat her like a princess unless you want to be treated like a serf.

Oh, he also said, "Don't buy Whole Life Insurance for the 'Investment Potential'."

 

[Warrior Poet]

Oh, he also said, "Don't buy Whole Life Insurance for the 'Investment Potential'."

NOW you tell me.



Warrior Poet

 

[Desdichado]

Rel, everytime I see your sig, I get the uncomfortable feeling that either you or BelenUmeria is hitting on me...

 

[Belen]

One of them was that men tend to put women on a pedestal because "they have a monopoly on the [kitty cat]"

Rubber ducky, you're the one. You make bath time lots of fun....