Hunter Simon
First Post
Posted this on rpg.net and thought I'd start it up here too. Enjoy!
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WARNING: THIS THREAD CONTAINS SERIOUS NOSTALGIA ABOUT THE GOOD OLD DAYS. YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 30 YEARS OLD TO CONTRIBUTE MEANINGFULLY.
Remember the good old days, when men were men, women wore chainmail bikinis, and monsters were for killing? What’s that, you say? You’re all too damn ** young **? You’re all under 30? WTF? Eh? Wassat? You don’t even know when the Good Old Days WERE? WHAT? You think the Good Old Days occurred during the release of the first PlayStation?
Kids today.
Just for the record, shorty, the Good Old Days began in the early 1970s and ended in the mid-1980s. Got it? Good. In that case, let me give you a glimpse of what those days were like:
1. We all hid our Dungeon Master’s Guides under our beds, cause our moms thought they were Satanic after seeing the Geraldo Rivera special on Satanism. And you have to admit . . . the AD&D 1e DMG *did* look rather Satanic:
http://www.rpgnow.com/products/WOTC/tsr2011.jpg
2. We all thought Advanced D&D was better than Basic D&D because it was, well, “advanced.” Mind you, why this made it “better” none of us could explain. Nor did we need to.
3. Our dice came with a damn crayon that you used to color in the damn numbers! And we thought this was COOL!
4. Pewter? Bah! Our miniatures were made of REAL LEAD. And we've got the poor report cards to prove it!
5. We only ever used about 10% of the rules (especially when playing Advanced D&D). [Come to think of it, I still only use about 10% of the rules when I GM . . . ]
6. “Character background”? “Character development”? “Playing in-character”? My character's "family history"? "Last name"? WTF?
7. All of our character information could fit on one index card.
8. Skeeels? Hah! We don’ need no steenkeen skeeels!
9. Low Armor Class was GOOD! And the coolest thing imaginable was a NEGATIVE Armor Class! WHOA! Sometimes you would hear a comment like, “Whoa! Dude, did you see Dave’s Paladin? He’s got Armor Class negative frickin’ two!”
10. If your character, Bardok the Brave, died, you simply rolled up his brother, Bardok II. (See #6)
11. All character parties met in a tavern. Their “mission”? To go adventuring. Their “story”? To go adventuring. Their “purpose”? To go adventuring. Their “premise”? To go adventuring. Their “motivation”? To go adventuring. The "plot hook"? "Story arc"? To go adventuring. Listen, you Vampire-playing drama queen, what part of "To go adventuring" do you not understand?
12. Charisma? Don’t make me laugh. Who even put that on the sheet, anyway? (For that matter, we didn't really know what "Dexterity" "Constitution" and "Charisma" actually *meant* until the one guy in the school who was even a bigger geek than we were explain them. He then wanted to play with us. We said no.)
13. “Unified mechanics”? WTF? What is this, auto shop class?
14. Dungeons were for plundering.
15. Monsters were for killing.
16. All-night sessions at your buddy’s house were mandatory, especially if they involved tons of Pepsi, cheap take-out pizza, and a glimpse of your buddy’s hot mom in her bath robe. (Uh, never mind that last one . . .)
17. Dungeons & Dragons was number one. All other games were one-shots.
18. We played loudly and boldly in the high school library at lunch, and didn’t even care when the Grade 12’s came by and laughed at us. When they started hitting us hard in the upper arm, we left.
19. We had one teacher who was “cool” and ran the D&D club. Until the fundamentalist parents made him stop.
20. We pronounced “Paladin” as “Pad-ah-lin”.
Excuse me for a second (stubbornly wipes away tears). Okay, now add to this list.
21. . . . . .
===
WARNING: THIS THREAD CONTAINS SERIOUS NOSTALGIA ABOUT THE GOOD OLD DAYS. YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 30 YEARS OLD TO CONTRIBUTE MEANINGFULLY.
Remember the good old days, when men were men, women wore chainmail bikinis, and monsters were for killing? What’s that, you say? You’re all too damn ** young **? You’re all under 30? WTF? Eh? Wassat? You don’t even know when the Good Old Days WERE? WHAT? You think the Good Old Days occurred during the release of the first PlayStation?
Kids today.
Just for the record, shorty, the Good Old Days began in the early 1970s and ended in the mid-1980s. Got it? Good. In that case, let me give you a glimpse of what those days were like:
1. We all hid our Dungeon Master’s Guides under our beds, cause our moms thought they were Satanic after seeing the Geraldo Rivera special on Satanism. And you have to admit . . . the AD&D 1e DMG *did* look rather Satanic:
http://www.rpgnow.com/products/WOTC/tsr2011.jpg
2. We all thought Advanced D&D was better than Basic D&D because it was, well, “advanced.” Mind you, why this made it “better” none of us could explain. Nor did we need to.
3. Our dice came with a damn crayon that you used to color in the damn numbers! And we thought this was COOL!
4. Pewter? Bah! Our miniatures were made of REAL LEAD. And we've got the poor report cards to prove it!
5. We only ever used about 10% of the rules (especially when playing Advanced D&D). [Come to think of it, I still only use about 10% of the rules when I GM . . . ]
6. “Character background”? “Character development”? “Playing in-character”? My character's "family history"? "Last name"? WTF?
7. All of our character information could fit on one index card.
8. Skeeels? Hah! We don’ need no steenkeen skeeels!
9. Low Armor Class was GOOD! And the coolest thing imaginable was a NEGATIVE Armor Class! WHOA! Sometimes you would hear a comment like, “Whoa! Dude, did you see Dave’s Paladin? He’s got Armor Class negative frickin’ two!”
10. If your character, Bardok the Brave, died, you simply rolled up his brother, Bardok II. (See #6)
11. All character parties met in a tavern. Their “mission”? To go adventuring. Their “story”? To go adventuring. Their “purpose”? To go adventuring. Their “premise”? To go adventuring. Their “motivation”? To go adventuring. The "plot hook"? "Story arc"? To go adventuring. Listen, you Vampire-playing drama queen, what part of "To go adventuring" do you not understand?
12. Charisma? Don’t make me laugh. Who even put that on the sheet, anyway? (For that matter, we didn't really know what "Dexterity" "Constitution" and "Charisma" actually *meant* until the one guy in the school who was even a bigger geek than we were explain them. He then wanted to play with us. We said no.)
13. “Unified mechanics”? WTF? What is this, auto shop class?
14. Dungeons were for plundering.
15. Monsters were for killing.
16. All-night sessions at your buddy’s house were mandatory, especially if they involved tons of Pepsi, cheap take-out pizza, and a glimpse of your buddy’s hot mom in her bath robe. (Uh, never mind that last one . . .)
17. Dungeons & Dragons was number one. All other games were one-shots.
18. We played loudly and boldly in the high school library at lunch, and didn’t even care when the Grade 12’s came by and laughed at us. When they started hitting us hard in the upper arm, we left.
19. We had one teacher who was “cool” and ran the D&D club. Until the fundamentalist parents made him stop.
20. We pronounced “Paladin” as “Pad-ah-lin”.
Excuse me for a second (stubbornly wipes away tears). Okay, now add to this list.
21. . . . . .