[OT] Hey there, Dr. Midnight, what's going on with your love life right now?

[Horacio]

Damn nice post Shark

As usual, I should add...

 

[SHARK]

Greetings!

Hey there Horacio and Arravis! Thanks very much!

I'd like to think I know a few useful things about life. I just hope I can help a friend whenever I can.

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK

 

[SHARK]

Greetings!

Dr. Midnight, Allison hasn't called you, has she? More importantly, though, you haven't called *her* have you?

I wish the best for you, Doc. Besides all the hype about the "freedom" of being single, dating can at times be quite painful.

Semper Fidelis,

SHARK

 

[Heretic Apostate]

Besides all the hype about the "freedom" of being single, dating can at times be quite painful.

Naw, dating isn't that painful. [size=+1]NOT[/size] dating is really painful.

13.5 years since last girlfriend, about a year since last date, and dozens of personal ads that get no response (aside from porno spam, of course).

No, I'm not bitter.... (Okay, I am. Death row inmates have women crawling over them, and a once-upon-a-time nice guy like me can't get a date to save his life. That just ain't right....)

 

[LostSoul]

Dating is fun if you don't think about it too much. Be like Steve (of the Tao). Never let anybody treat you in a way you don't like. If they do, tell them; if it starts a fire, you know you should walk away.

Damn good advice SHARK.

Let me say again: Dating is fun stuff. You can meet lots of interesting people and do a lot of fun things. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself. Don't worry about things. Let it happen and it will.

To all the guys who fall into the friend trap (as I used to): be more assertive. Nothing is sexier than confidence. Oh, and know when to leave.

 

[LostSoul]

Naw, dating isn't that painful. NOT dating is really painful.

Naw, not really. I'm not dating now and haven't been for a while. No real desire to, either. Not dating when you want to be is; but then I'd have to ask why you feel like you need to be with somebody.

Me, I'm fine by myself, and if I find somebody that I really enjoy spending time with I'll start dating again.

 

[Arravis]

Heretic Apostate, I hate to admit this... but I was in your position for a long time. Some bad experiences left me burned and I basicly gave up on dating. I tried the "if you aren't looking, they'll come to you" theory. Let me tell you, that's a crock of utter bull.

So after many years of being desperately lonely and trying to get my life together (which I finally did), I decided to give dating another try. Of course, it didn't help that I had moved to a new town and had few friends there. I tried online personal ads (got two semi-ok dates out of it, but nothing that was worth the effort), I tried hanging out at bars (ugh), I even hung out at the library. Yeah, the library thing is a bit creepy I suppose, but I was looking for an intellectual and intelligent girl . I met one seemingly interesting girl there but she turned out to be a bit nutso.

I joined the local SCA (Society of Creative Anachronism), though I didn't have a huge interest in it I gambled that gamers and their ilk would likely be there. I met alot of very cool women there and finally began dating semi-regularly. I made many friends through the contacts there even though I never did much other then go to meetings.

And where did I finally find true love? Oddly enough, where I wasn't looking, lol. I met my girlfriend on Evequest, we've been living together nearly a year and a half now and we're quite happy . So, it all worked out in the end, though it was a long, long, long road. Anyway, don't give up Heretic Apostate. Just keep your eyes open and make as many friends as you can. The whole love thing will come out of the friendships you make.

Well, I hope I didn't bore anyone with my way too personal geek-romance information, lol.

-Arravis

 

[LostSoul]

I tried the "if you aren't looking, they'll come to you" theory. Let me tell you, that's a crock of utter bull.

So after many years of being desperately lonely and trying to get my life together (which I finally did), I decided to give dating another try.

No way.

Once you stop trying - once you grow comfortable being alone, and realize that somebody would be really lucky to spend time with you - women will start to flock to you.

If you are lonely, you are still looking.

 

[Arravis]

Humans, are by their very nature, social creatures. We also feel a desire to mate and procriate. I think "being comfortable with being alone" is alot more difficult then most people realize and may not be something the average person can realisticly pull off. Perhaps I'm wrong. I know that for me, it was different.

I had a great place, a great job, things were going well, but it all seemed kind of empty and shallow since I didn't have someone to share it with.

Then again, maybe it's just me. It wouldn't surprise me, lol.

-Arravis

 

[LostSoul]

I think "being comfortable with being alone" is alot more difficult then most people realize and may not be something the average person can realisticly pull off. Perhaps I'm wrong. I know that for me, it was different.

Oh yeah, it's difficult. It took me years and a lot of therapy to get over it. But when I hit that point (something that can still elude me even now), I knew something had changed. All for the better, too!