[OT] Hey there, Dr. Midnight, what's going on with your love life right now?
- Thread starter Dr Midnight
- Start date
- Status
Carnifex
First Post
maddman75 said:
Very true - the whole thing of 'being out of my league' is a bit of a myth - although its entirely possible that a girl is just not the type of person you'll get on well with. My last girlfriend thought, for some bizarre reason, that I was totally out of *her* league when she saw me in history lectures, and I felt the same way about her, so I was somewhat surprised when she asked me if I wanted to meet up with her one evening, and she was somewhat surprised when I agreed.
Don't worry about people being out of your league, worry about whether or not they're the right person for you.
Zerovoid
First Post
Shadeus said:Maybe ask Allison to post on this thread.It would definitely make things easier.
Yes, I'm sure she'd love to know that she's actually dating the geek collective rather than an individual
I'd say something useful, but I don't have anything to say. This thread sure does have staying power though. After more than a week, somehow the relationship with Allison is still in exactly the right state of limbo for everyone to be a back seat driver in the Doc's love life.
Dr Midnight
Explorer
Zerovoid said:
I know, I can't believe people give so many craps. This is the only thread I've started in a long time to have so much clout. Of course, I started the original "what's Monte's secret project?" thread, which just blew up. Oddly, my recent mention of my d20 shirts fell right off the radar.
WHAT SHIRTS, YOU ASK???
Drew
Explorer
Hey, Doc, we care! This is interesting stuff, and it makes us feel like we're helping out a fellow geek. Plus, some of the things people have said are really funny. After I read about the second date, Wandering Monster's post ("I hate Roy. Roy sucks.") nearly did me in. That was EXACTLY what I was thinking. Awesome.
Don't be surprised to learn that we give a damn about your love life. Its like hearing about the dating woes of a good friend. Of course, we don't just want to hear about the bad dates! Be sure to keep us up to date!
My advice, to add to the chorus: Forget this girl. You probably COULD make this work, but it might not be worth it. A girl this high maintainance is not worth it. IF she calls you, then give her another chance. Don't expect too much and maybe things will work out better.
Drew (Who's 22 and happily married for almost two years, for what its worth.)
PS: Did you say that you game twice a week? I am now officially jealous of you.
Don't be surprised to learn that we give a damn about your love life. Its like hearing about the dating woes of a good friend. Of course, we don't just want to hear about the bad dates! Be sure to keep us up to date!
My advice, to add to the chorus: Forget this girl. You probably COULD make this work, but it might not be worth it. A girl this high maintainance is not worth it. IF she calls you, then give her another chance. Don't expect too much and maybe things will work out better.
Drew (Who's 22 and happily married for almost two years, for what its worth.)
PS: Did you say that you game twice a week? I am now officially jealous of you.
WanderingMonster
First Post
After being validated by name in a couple posts in the last few pages, I now feel that my advice is worth far more than I am charging for it. Here's another few freebies.
1) Counter the Veggie Tales incident with a hentai film festival. Nothing takes the taste of vegetable allegory out of one's mouth like tentacular sodomy.
2) Forget about the sister. Your instincts are good on this. It's not that she's out of your league (American, National, of Women Voters???), it's that it would seem like you're using someone to get to someone else. That and the reprecussions of such a move may make the idea of tentacular sodomy preferable over the outcome of asking to betray a sister's trust.
3) Chalk this up to "learning experience". You really didn't invest too much time on it. Next time, you know the pitfalls and can watch out.
4) Since you've more-or-less given up on this girl, invite her to a game. I mean, you've got nothing to lose do you?
Good luck. You're a nice guy with talent and wit. Women worth loving don't want more than that.
...Money and looks can't hurt though.
1) Counter the Veggie Tales incident with a hentai film festival. Nothing takes the taste of vegetable allegory out of one's mouth like tentacular sodomy.
2) Forget about the sister. Your instincts are good on this. It's not that she's out of your league (American, National, of Women Voters???), it's that it would seem like you're using someone to get to someone else. That and the reprecussions of such a move may make the idea of tentacular sodomy preferable over the outcome of asking to betray a sister's trust.
3) Chalk this up to "learning experience". You really didn't invest too much time on it. Next time, you know the pitfalls and can watch out.
4) Since you've more-or-less given up on this girl, invite her to a game. I mean, you've got nothing to lose do you?
Good luck. You're a nice guy with talent and wit. Women worth loving don't want more than that.
...Money and looks can't hurt though.
SHARK
First Post
Greetings!
Dr. Midnight!
You have my fullest sympathy and support. Dating does have a downside, and you're definitely being acquanted with it now. I'm happily married, for 14 years now, but before I met my wife, I dated *a lot* of women. Different relationships--whether they lasted an hour or a year, I learned things from every woman. Just as important, I honed and sharpened my own self as I also learned things about myself. I learned what I liked and wanted, and what I didn't.
That makes dating easier, believe me. To some extent, you have to be ruthless. Get to know exactly what you want--and those who don't line up with that significantly enough--ditch them fast. Don't waste time on *doing* a relationship that isn't going to work, you know? I don't know how old you are Doc, but in any event, you don't have time to waste.
It's not just that you have to make wise use of your time--it is--but *you* are worth more. You don't have to put up with soggy, lame dates where you somehow have to put some woman's life of self-esteem back together again, or build it from scratch, either. There are exceptions, of course, but you know what?
If the woman isn't letting you know she's quite interested in you in the first four hours of the first date--then the sands are ticking to when you should send her packing. Why do I say this? I say this because unless you have a secret fetish for terribly shy, insecure women that don't know what they want, or how to get it, you really need to learn how to identify women who *want* to be with you. And I don't mean just or merely sexually, either. For example:
Many women that I've dated, the night would proceed to dinner; holding hands would come fairly soon. Lots of good conversation, gradually working from the trivial and light, to the more important, and meaningful. During this time, her eyes are glued to me. No phone calls, no damn girlfriends, no "Roys"--her attention is all on me. And, I'm the same with her. Our eyes meet each other frequently during the conversation, and occasionally linger--not too much,--but just enough, with a slight shimmer--to let each other know that we are *INTERESTED.* Food comes and goes, wine, appropriate formalities and manners are displayed all around, with more conversation.
Perhaps earlier, we did a movie, or went shopping, or walked around the city maybe beforehand, before sitting down to dinner. Maybe not, though. Still, by the time dinner is over, it's say about 830-900. Now, I'd notice that once the table is cleared, we'd move closer to each other, perhaps leaning more into the table. More coffee, maybe a nice after dinner drink, and maybe a light desert, and we're having fun. Some more conversation--maybe a bit more intimate, like something about the family, childhood, or dating expectations.
More eye contact, and maybe some hand-holding, and specific touching of the fingers, a little more judicious drinking. It's now about 10, 1030.
If she's dressed right and up for it, maybe dancing might happen. If not, maybe a nice walk by the wharf, stretching the legs a bit, and some more talking. The car is reached eventually, and you take her home. (Unless things develop in a *particular* way.) In the walk, you ask about each other some more, and the night was great. More hand holding.
At the door, maybe, a nice hug, and a gentle, long kiss. More eye contact, and you set the next date.
Date over, and your stomach is bubbling like crazy. But it has been hugely successful. The next date can be dancing, or something more active, dovetailing in with another nice dinner, and lots of conversation. Unless desired otherwise, gradually more hugging and hand touching is made. Maybe a few discrete kisses. The dates gradually proceed, with more and more revelation and intimacy with each other. Doing more things, different things, as the relationship develops.
It is a fact that 65% of ALL COMMUNICATION is *NON-VERBAL* If the woman, and you--aren't moving in a direction similar to what I described, it probably won't work out. If the woman is really interested, she'll be open to touching, she'll want to look at you, be close to you, smell you. She will be touching her hair, smiling a lot, and gradually *invading* your personal space as well. That's that three-foot area around us that is regarded as personal for most Americans. She'll touch your forearm, or your hand, and so on. And she'll be receptive of your gradual and *gentle* but confident approaches with touching her, too.
These are just some tips that I have learned over the years. The date should be about *YOU* and *HER*--not all of this other nonsense. Keep some of these ideas in mind, Doc. They have served me well, through a lot of dating, and leading into marriage with my wife.
Semper Fidelis,
SHARK
Dr. Midnight!
You have my fullest sympathy and support. Dating does have a downside, and you're definitely being acquanted with it now. I'm happily married, for 14 years now, but before I met my wife, I dated *a lot* of women. Different relationships--whether they lasted an hour or a year, I learned things from every woman. Just as important, I honed and sharpened my own self as I also learned things about myself. I learned what I liked and wanted, and what I didn't.
That makes dating easier, believe me.
To some extent, you have to be ruthless. Get to know exactly what you want--and those who don't line up with that significantly enough--ditch them fast. Don't waste time on *doing* a relationship that isn't going to work, you know? I don't know how old you are Doc, but in any event, you don't have time to waste.It's not just that you have to make wise use of your time--it is--but *you* are worth more. You don't have to put up with soggy, lame dates where you somehow have to put some woman's life of self-esteem back together again, or build it from scratch, either. There are exceptions, of course, but you know what?
If the woman isn't letting you know she's quite interested in you in the first four hours of the first date--then the sands are ticking to when you should send her packing. Why do I say this? I say this because unless you have a secret fetish for terribly shy, insecure women that don't know what they want, or how to get it, you really need to learn how to identify women who *want* to be with you. And I don't mean just or merely sexually, either. For example:
Many women that I've dated, the night would proceed to dinner; holding hands would come fairly soon. Lots of good conversation, gradually working from the trivial and light, to the more important, and meaningful. During this time, her eyes are glued to me. No phone calls, no damn girlfriends, no "Roys"--her attention is all on me. And, I'm the same with her. Our eyes meet each other frequently during the conversation, and occasionally linger--not too much,--but just enough, with a slight shimmer--to let each other know that we are *INTERESTED.* Food comes and goes, wine, appropriate formalities and manners are displayed all around, with more conversation.
Perhaps earlier, we did a movie, or went shopping, or walked around the city maybe beforehand, before sitting down to dinner. Maybe not, though. Still, by the time dinner is over, it's say about 830-900. Now, I'd notice that once the table is cleared, we'd move closer to each other, perhaps leaning more into the table. More coffee, maybe a nice after dinner drink, and maybe a light desert, and we're having fun. Some more conversation--maybe a bit more intimate, like something about the family, childhood, or dating expectations.
More eye contact, and maybe some hand-holding, and specific touching of the fingers, a little more judicious drinking. It's now about 10, 1030.
If she's dressed right and up for it, maybe dancing might happen. If not, maybe a nice walk by the wharf, stretching the legs a bit, and some more talking. The car is reached eventually, and you take her home. (Unless things develop in a *particular* way.
) In the walk, you ask about each other some more, and the night was great. More hand holding.At the door, maybe, a nice hug, and a gentle, long kiss. More eye contact, and you set the next date.
Date over, and your stomach is bubbling like crazy. But it has been hugely successful. The next date can be dancing, or something more active, dovetailing in with another nice dinner, and lots of conversation. Unless desired otherwise, gradually more hugging and hand touching is made. Maybe a few discrete kisses. The dates gradually proceed, with more and more revelation and intimacy with each other. Doing more things, different things, as the relationship develops.
It is a fact that 65% of ALL COMMUNICATION is *NON-VERBAL* If the woman, and you--aren't moving in a direction similar to what I described, it probably won't work out. If the woman is really interested, she'll be open to touching, she'll want to look at you, be close to you, smell you. She will be touching her hair, smiling a lot, and gradually *invading* your personal space as well. That's that three-foot area around us that is regarded as personal for most Americans. She'll touch your forearm, or your hand, and so on. And she'll be receptive of your gradual and *gentle* but confident approaches with touching her, too.
These are just some tips that I have learned over the years. The date should be about *YOU* and *HER*--not all of this other nonsense. Keep some of these ideas in mind, Doc. They have served me well, through a lot of dating, and leading into marriage with my wife.
Semper Fidelis,
SHARK
- Status
