[OT] Hey there, Dr. Midnight, what's going on with your love life right now?

[Kichwas]

Well that last date with Roy was odd.

I still hold to what I said before I got to that post.

Her sister and all of her other friends got the hint... but I think Roy was just getting in the way because he knew how to with her.

Even if he was gay. Some people are like that.

She being the type she is probably never got the clues and is currently wondering why you left. Part of her knows; but part of her doesn't I'd wager.

From this end of the net; it seems like both of you keep making the wrong moves even though both of you want to make the right ones.

But I'd have to be there to know what the right ones where.

At some point during your date with Roy you needed to just move her out of there. Again I'd have to be there to say how and when.

It'll be interesting to see if there's a next step to this tale.

This is where it ends for a lot of people; but not always.

If you see her again; you need to put the meeting point somewhere that's not good to hang out and move her as quickly as possible onto 'your turf' and make sure you don't have any of your own Roys hanging around the corner...

There are a lot of people in the world like Roy. Many of us have been in his shoes before as well. Sometime you just get this sudden urge to mess up somebody else's thing. Or you totally miss the big clue sign that you shouldn't be there because the person you know is too out of her element to even know she needs to push you away at that moment for her own good.

Lesson one folks: If you ever see a friend of yours on a date who is a shy person avoid them like they were the plague. You can very easily find yourself being Roy without even knowing it. This is also true for people on dates who aren't shy but have a lot of friends of the opposite gender. If you're that opposite gender person steer clear.


THis is not me saying I would have done better if I'd been there. I've got the shy thing going too. It's me saying I think I could see things if I'd been there as some kind of hidden camera with a neutral bias.
It's hard to see what the real picture is sometimes when you're stuck inside the frame. Of course it's just as hard when you're being told the details second hand...

 

[qstor]

I know you are getting tons of advice from everyone else...but I agree with your own advice If she calls good...if not...forget about her..If you are looking for a woman that games you might try the RPGA in your area. There are a lot of women in the RPGA or try hanging out at a game shop.
Or elsewise...try another personal ad and since Roy was gay I wouldn't sweat it. I think she sounds like she is introducing you to friends, but I think she was rude not to introduce you at once to Roy when you guys walked in. Good luck with the ENworld Boston get together..

Mike

 

[Jezrael]

Don't call her, don't write, don't send smoke signals...she may be a sweet girl but if she ain't paying you any attention during anytime you spend together then to hell with her. If she doesn't know what she wants then any time spent with her will be wasted time...move on.

 

[Arravis]

hmmm

Did you happen to catch the sister's full name (don't remember if she was married or not) and her home town? Consider giving her a call and asking what's up with her sister. You might want to talk to her without sugar-coating it and see what she says. And worse comes to worse... you've made contact with her sister on another level .

 

[Taren Nighteyes]

Dr Midnight,

I want to express my sympathy and my appreciation for what happened on that last date. I was quite impressed you ditched the Denny's idea and stuck to your guns.

Bravo!

I hope she calls and when she gets a clue, she slaps her forehead hard and shouts out "Doh!"

Your a good man Dr., no matter what everyone else says


Her move.


Taren Nighteyes

 

[Ashtal]

This girl sounds...well, downright weird. No offense.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I don't see a corelation between being a 'shy girl' and 'inviting you up to her room for ... something.' Weirdness.

I can see getting to know you either through a series of one-on-one dates, or seeing how you interact with friends, but in cases of the latter, it shouldn't be a bait and switch -- it's not fair to you to go into it on the belief it's a date but then pull the rug out from under you and do a group event.

And you shouldn't hide your stuff!! The religious show is one big clue, IMO, she said she never read that stuff (I forget how you described her tone) - I think that's a fairly clear signal. But the true test would be when she came over. You want her to like you for you, right? How can starting out a potential relationship by hiding your interests possibly lead to a positive outcome? You have to get past the perceived stigma of gaming - if you have to hide your interests, this possible partner isn't worth it. And considering the weirdness, you've already had to put up with enough funkiness. I'm with the others; don't call her. Let her call you.

I will back up the bathroom comment, tho'. Clean is good. Also, have a small receptical for 'stuff'. Not huge, but small and discrete, preferably with a lid. It makes a BIG difference.

 

[Pielorinho]

Re: hmmm

Did you happen to catch the sister's full name (don't remember if she was married or not) and her home town? Consider giving her a call and asking what's up with her sister.

Creepy! This isn't stalking, but it has weird stalker vibes, I think: if she didn't give you her number, it's probably gonna seem weird to her that you're calling her.

 

[Wicht]

Okay...so I married the woman I dated when I was 18. I have no practical "field" XP of any kind. If you had wanted real advice, you would have written to "Dear Abby" or called Miss Cleo. Ingrate.

You know I believe in the old adage, imitate success.

Taking advice on dating from people who admit that they can't get their own dating life together seems as practical as taking marriage advice from a multiple divorcee.

If you found the woman you wanted to marry, dated her, married her and are still married to her, in my book your advice is worth more than that of those that have tried, tried and tried again, never to succeed, no matter the length of time spent dating.

Speaking as another who found the woman, successfully wooed her (9 years of marriage in July) here is my advice for what it is worth...

1) Know what you are looking for and know where you want a relationship to end before you really begin it.

2) Always be yourself. If the relationship is going to last it is better to be honest about faults, passions and quirks from the start.

3) Play games. Not mind games, but recreational games. Bowling, cards, whatever, games allow time to pass together while avoiding ackward moments of silence. Invite her friends to play and make them your friends. If playing teams, always partner up with your date on your team if possible (especially at the beginning).

4) Take an interest in the most personal aspects of your date's life. Talk religion, politics and family. Do so graciously and matter of factly (in regards to religion and politics anyway). Doing so will make you closer and allow you to find out how compatable you really are.

5) Let her know up front that you are interested in her (if you are) but don't be pushy about it.

 

[Dr Midnight]

Ashtal- I feel kinda stupid about hiding the game stuff now, but two things really did make sense to move. My big Greyhawk poster on the wall and my framed (yes, framed) art from the D&D adventure game box set. I pretty much cut out the cover and framed it. Now that's geeky.

Also, have a small receptical for 'stuff'. Not huge, but small and discrete, preferably with a lid. It makes a BIG difference.

I'm ABSOLUTELY missing out on what you're saying. A toilet? Trash can? What do you mean? Ehh? Huhh?

I will not be calling the sister, who lives in New York. Besides, she's FAR too cute for the likes of me. I know I'll get blasted for saying that, but I know my league. She's far above it. I wouldn't trade sisters anyway. That's an thing to do.

 

[Ashtal]

It may be geeky, but it's cute! And it obviously has a great deal of personal meaning to you - and that's never something you should feel you have to hide.

If it was a love of clowns painted on black velvet...maybe.

And yes, I meant a garbage. Something for the disposal of pads/tampons. Some guys forget about this (and really, that's not surprising - it's not something a single guy has to think about for his own personal use) but trust me - no one wants to have to walk out of a bathroom with one of those things because there isn't a wastebin in the bathroom itself. ICK. Even beyond dating, female friends who come over will appreciate it, too.