[OT] Hey there, Dr. Midnight, what's going on with your love life right now?

[Wulf Ratbane]

I'm sorry... I can't look away... and now I can't resist popping in another .02.

I hate to say it and sound like a smug prick but this is all fairly standard behavior. This is like a textbook case.

"Friends" lay there in bed with her and don't make a move. I hate to say it but Roy was-- subconsciously or not-- a BIG signal to you.

Take other folks advice here and DO NOT CALL. If she does call, be assertive, lay it on the line, tell her you do not appreciate the way she treated you, that you are not accustomed to such rudeness (you have to explain yourself here of course, as you explained it to us-- don't be angry, bitter, or rude), and then blow her off. You need to be honest, firm, and assertive. In short, grow a pair.

There's a lot of truth to the Tao of Steve stuff folks have been jokingly bringing up here. A LOT. It is time for you to be desireless-- genuinely desireless, cause she'll smell it if you're not-- and be gone. This isn't about being bitter, it's a confidence builder. You need to blow her off. If she's "playing" then she'll call back, and then, fine-- perhaps you can put HER in YOUR friend zone. She has a cute sister, she has friends; consider keeping her as a contact to other nice girls.

And although you can never, ever entertain this thought in your mind, you may discover that she is suddenly very interested in you when you prove your worth to other women.

I hope I don't come across as a jerk to you-- but then you did open this up for discussion. I wish you more than just good luck, cause it really isn't about luck. I wish you confidence and experience!

Wulf

 

[madriel]

Doc, let her make the next move. If she still wants to go out with you, she'll call. I'm shy, but I never treated a boyfriend the way she's been treating you.

If you do go out with her again, have it be on your terms. Somewhere that's your turf, whether it's your apartment or a romantic hangout. Be openly flirtatious; hug her when she comes in, hold her hand across the table etc. If she retreats from any intimate contact that's a clear sign that she's not interested in a relationship. Tell her that you're confused. Ask her what she wants/expects from your maybe relationship. If you don't like the answer, cut your losses.

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't treat you with respect.

 

[hong]

What shall we do with a sad gamemaster?
What shall we do with a sad gamemaster?
What shall we do with a sad gamemaster?
Late on Tuesday evening.

Steal all his dice and chuck 'em in the river,
Steal all his dice and chuck 'em in the river,
Steal all his dice and chuck 'em in the river,
Late on Tuesday evening.

(chorus)

Tie up his cat and stick it in the dryer,*
Tie up his cat and stick it in the dryer,
Tie up his cat and stick it in the dryer,
Late on Tuesday evening.

(chorus)

Drag 'im from the house and take 'im to the boozer,
Drag 'im from the house and take 'im to the boozer,
Drag 'im from the house and take 'im to the boozer,
Late on Tuesday evening.

(chorus)


* no offense meant to Arthur Tealeaf.

 

[Kichwas]

me. Seems she agreed. For an hour, we just sat there, ordering food we didn't want and trying to have a conversation. Every topic was stillborn. The conversational chemistry just was not there. I likened it to playing tennis over a 500 yard court. I forget about it, give the whole evening up as a loss, and just start acting regularly. I gave up all hope, and then things started happening. About two hours later, I realize we've been having an animated discussion that's sprung across many topics. Isn't that odd?

This is the way it goes.

"Be yourself" is very true advise. Even for geeks.

Two fastest ways to get in somebody's pants:

1. Be yourself.
2. Tell them you're going to get in their pants and they're going to like it and there's not going to be any discussion on the matter. This takes a certain personality type that I've only seen on a few people... People who get laid a LOT, but I've never liked the types they got laid by... (waking up in the middle of the night to find a psychotic nude woman running around trashing your apartment is not as fun as it sounds... especially when it happens on a regular basis. He was a good friend and having been 22 at the time I was desperate to learn his tricks..., but I was glad when he moved out...)


...anyway...

Just being 'regular' and dropping the whole 'date mode' thing works wonders towards building relationships.

 

[Kichwas]

Alison, not Mary...

She's proposing that her sister come along with us on Thursday, which I'm now feverishly trying to back out of. eeeyikes.

That's not so bad. If you think of it as 'hanging out' rather than 'trying to get a piece of ***' it might just be a lot of fun.

I actually been passed like a torch once from this... but that's a whole 'nother topic...

When I was in Asia this was just how people did things. Both the men and women I would hang out with always brought friends until things got 'personal'.

They wanted to test you against their groups and test their group against you.

I can see the same thing with a family member; especially a sibling.


I notice that I'm posting about a week after the fact so it will be interesting when I catch up and see how this resolved.

 

[Darklone]

Grrrrr

I hate those games. I really do.

Good luck, Doc.

 

[Horacio]

What can I say? I think you could give her a last opportunity.
Get a date, talk with her. Talk about RPG and hobbies, talk about how bad you think she did the other night. And learn if she want be your friend and/or your lover.

At least I would do that. Well, I should say I did that. And now we are married. And have a beautiful baby daughter

 

[Jarval]

Anyways, if you want to avoid the friend trap again, make a move early on in the relationship. You aren't being rude if you do it with class and don't overstep her boundries. A kiss on the cheek, a hug, a look in the eyes. She needs to know that you want a more intimate relationship. If she doesn't want the same thing, no harm no foul.

Another thing. Never do anything that makes you feel unimportant. If you're out to see her, she should be out to see you. If that's not the case, you don't want to be with her anyways.

I think LostSoul is right on both of these counts. I'd give it one more shot, and I'd make a bit of a move on her. You'll know quick enough if shes not interested. But LostSoul has already said this better than me.

And I couldn't agree more with the second one. It's never any fun being ignored.

Best of luck Doc, you've got a message board full of nerds rooting for ya

 

[Kichwas]

Doc - there are some major warning signs here.

1) You literally can't read her when it seemed she's trying to get something across.

2) She seems to clam up in most situations (especially when not in a group environ), rendering communication difficult at best.
Not good, since most of the time spent with her in a relationship would be alone with her.

I used to have both of these problems. She probably does as well.

My first couple of dating situations I could never figure out there was any interest in me until I had somebody nude in my house and it wasn't me...
I'm not kidding either... Some people are this dense.

It still takes me a while to get confortable with 'new people'. Even if I really want to like them and be active around them, I have to push it a lot.

It sounds like you're in a situation where both of you have this problem.

I'd say you were getting invitations on that evening over at her place; even if subconscious. I'd have to have been there to know if moving in on those invitations would have been a good idea.

I'd bet money that you could have 'gotten laid'. But I'm not sure if doing so would enhance or end the relationship.


This is definately not the time to 'give up'.

Rather it's the time to be patient and let her slowly open up her space to you. Shier people are better catches once you get them.

Once she does open up to you; it will be more than likely be a very different game.

To be honest I envy you; this is what I find to be a very 'magical' stage of a relationship.

Getting to know people like that was always more enjoyable than the 'sluts' when I was dating. And always had better payoffs in the end; especially emotionally.

You've been given by her, her friends, and even her sister what I'd call 'slap in the face obvious' signals that she interested but also unsure of what to do. I suspect everyone knew on some level that they were supposed to 'disapear' the other night. Even if it was never spoken.

Of course I've been given signals that obvious before on many occaisions and missed them. Only figuring it out when it was too late when somebody took me aside and asked where'd I'd left my brain...

 

[Dougal DeKree]

Hello

This is definately not the time to 'give up'.

...

Once she does open up to you; it will be more than likely be a very different game.

Ahem, finally can't hold myself from saying something...

Yes, it's not time to give up, but not much more time left either.
Sadly it's not "once", but "if".

And now take this message from Douglas Adams (RIP), hope the connection is visible:
"Throw yourself to the ground! If you miss it, you are flying"
...only this time, the ground evades you or not. i hope not
Anyway, either you are back where you have been before, which is not bad if you think about it, or you are a gamer with a girlfriend. Wishing you all the luck...

Dougal DeKree, Gnomish Illusionist