[OT] Hey there, Dr. Midnight, what's going on with your love life right now?

[Cold Beer]

Okay, I wasn't going to post to this thread, but Doc's last post just hit a nerve.


*hands a beer to Dr Midnight*


I'm going to sound like a big jerk by saying this, but...

You're the "Friend" now.

You now have no chance with her and are being strung around like a dope. She's after Roy.

I've been there, done that. I have the T-shirt.

Best thing to do is lay it on the line with her as soon as possible and get it over with. Save yourself the heartache.


If she likes you, you'll know it.

If not, move on.









Now, having said that I hope that you can prove me wrong. Stranger things have happened. You might make it work.

I hope I haven't made things worse. I just needed to say what needed to be said.


Take it easy....and good luck.

*leaves a six pack on the front stoop*

 

[Arravis]

Ack..

I'm so sorry to hear that Dr Midnight, that breaks my heart. Give it time, remember, it only takes one time for it to work forever .

Anyway... I'm going to post on here a poem by Henry Rollins (no, it's not a song, he also does poetry) that always reminded me that I wasn't alone in that pain when I was dating...


You climb and climb
Hand over hand
You reach the top
You stand on the shaky ledge of your heart
You look at her eyes
You look into her eyes
You hold your breath and jump
You leap into her arms
Her arms fall to her sides
You fall past her window
You hit the ground
You are shattered
Like someone taking a bottle
And smashing it on the sidewalk
Sharp jagged broken pieces of yourself lie on the ground
You put the pieces back together again
They never go back quite the same
The outside is seamless, smooth
But inside
Broken glass mind
And a soul with little cracks in the sides
Loose splinters at the bottom stay to remind you
At times the soul glass splinters
Will give you a jab to remind you of your leap
After a time, when you start climbing again
You will forget about the soul glass splinters
She can break your fall
Or let you fall and break
And every time you jump
You just know she's going to catch you

 

[Doc_Souark]

Yeah Midnight you just got hit with that slimey Catfish of Romance "You're a *FRIEND*", Roy and her go after the sister.

 

[Elocin]

Well in my opinion (and believe me my opinions sometimes are WAY off). She does not knwo what she wants or what she feels about you. It seems like she might like you and she wants to see you and date you and possibly more. But then on the other hand she makes a date for a place where she obvisouly knows someone and leaves herself an out and then somewhat blows you off. Then again she continues to ask you to come so it seems that she wants to be with you. I have read every post on this thread and everyone has been giving excellant advice. One thing though, what do YOU want? This girl might be great but look what she is putting you through, is it worth it? (as a side note, my fiance was readin this ove my shoulder and she said, Allison is not interested) Anyway, think about it and if you need to talk to her again tell her and make it known that you want to talk to her about the two of you and if she is interetsed. You do nto need to waste your time on her if she does not feel anything for you. She needs to talk to you out of respect if nothing else.

 

[Piratecat]

I'm way more annoyed with her than with Roy. You done good; she's clearly (to me) lacking some of the social skills that make her an easy person to cope with.

But what the hell. If it had been me, I would have done the EXACT same thing you did.

And I know you, Doc; you're clean, funny, personable, and damn talented. I have no worries about you, me'bucko. Which doesn't make you feel any less like crap, but I thought you should know.

Go to bed. Try again with someone else. Don't feel sorry for yourself longer than a day or so. Laugh about it as soon as you can. Don't fret lost chances. And remember you have friends.

Edit - missing an important word! Doh.

 

[Dr Midnight]

Trust me, Roy's not the problem. Roy is gay. Very very gay.

I think I'm just going to lay off. If she wants to call, she can call. Otherwise, I'm out.

 

[Doc_Souark]

Huh she wasn't trying to fix you and Roy up was she ?

You gotta laugh T, it's the only way to survive.

 

[Eraslin]

Hello there Dr.Midnight,
I'm sorry to hear that the night was rather cruddy, to say the least. I'm sure that some people will tell you that you should just forget about her, and I'm sure that some will tell you that you should still try to see her again. I really want to be in the later group, but I usually try not to tell people what they should do only what I'd do in the situation.

I can tell you, on the other hand, what I would do if I were in your situation. It's obvious that she likes spending time with you, even if the time is mostly quiet time. By the sounds of one of your earlier post, the two of you had fun when you were at her place going through photo albums and such; so by the sounds of it, the two of you just need to figure out what you have in common. In your shoes, I'd probably phone her either tomorrow or the day after and invite her over for dinner later in the week (say Thursday, since it was a "free evening" for her once before). Then, in preparation for her coming clean the place up and be sure to leave out things that might start a conversation (your roleplaying books, some of the freelance art you've done, photo albums, etc); leave out, in the sense that you're not hiding them. Also, make yourself a list of what you'd like to know about her and maybe what you'd like her to know about you. When she gets there, just ask her to sit down or to look around, or something as you finish up dinner; talk to her while dinner's finishing, even if it's through a door ("how was the drive?", "how was your day/week?", "I hope you like _____", if she appears to not be paying attention "I hope you like _<bad dish>_, it's an old family restaurant"). Then, during dinner whenever the conversation lulls for a little bit ask her something about herself ("what kind of food do you enjoy?", "what's it like working at the club?", "Where did you go to school? University? What major?", "what sorts of things do you do in your free time?", "what kinds of movies do you enjoy? favorite film? actor? actress?", etc); try to avoid closed-answer questions (things that can be answered in a few words/sentences) in favour of open-answer questions (maybe do some research on interviewing people, all sorts of stuff on asking questions can be found there).

Then, after dinner, move on to something that promotes talking/interacting. Do you have any board games? Playing cards? Chess set? Checkers set? Go board? Avoid things like a movie (prevents talking). Maybe ask her to dance -- this one really is a lot of fun, and most women I've known would really enjoy it.

The big theme is, try to be yourself, and try to be relaxed. It's not going to be fun if you're uptight. Don't worry about things like hugs, kisses, and more (my girlfriend and I went on numerous dates before we even hugged!).

I wish you the best.

-Eraslin

EDIT: Seems like what I would do disagrees with the vast majority of people posting. <shrug> Go figure. I'm stubborn that way. I still stick by what I said, though. It's what I would do.

 

[William Ronald]

Dr. Midnight,

Sometimes people are unsure of what they want. My advice is give it time and keep an open heart and an open mind.

I am not an expert in love. My life has been more about duty and responsibility. However, I am still looking for a woman who will be my soulmate.

Love is never easy. Nothing worthwhile in life is easy.

 

[Pielorinho]

Sorry to hear that, Doc. She does sound like she's being a spaz; I've been in similar places, and they suck. Especially if the person isn't being quite enough of a spaz for you to hate her, but definitely being enough to drive you to distraction.

I do suspect that if you pursue things further, it'll be in vain. Unless she's got the nerve and desire to come after you, you're probably setting yourself up for misery if you think much more about her.

I've gotten in three and a half relationships in my life (the half a relationship is one I try to forget). None of them, except for the half-a-relationship, came on when I was looking for them; two of them, in fact, came when I was specifically NOT looking for relationships, which was pretty rare for me when I was single.

Do you have a friend you can call and go get a beer with? Maybe call someone tomorrow and play mindless dumb violent computer games with? Maybe take a road trip? Sitting in your apartment is gonna stay depressing, and looking for someone else right now for smooching is going to be even more depressing. Good escapism is probably on the menu.

Best of luck!
Daniel