Teflon Billy's post-ENnie Haiku Contest. WIN TONS OF D20 STUFF

[Thyrkill]

I had a very LONG day yesterday with my Fifth Grade class, and though not related to D&D, I wrote a haiku yesterday that I wanted to share;

Tired, dragging my butt
Students will not stay quiet
Voice hoarse from yelling



Thanks for letting me let off steam.

Matt

 

[tarchon]

Wow, what a great thread, everyone. I haven't laughed so hard for a long time.

Teflon Billy, how will you manage to pare the thousands of entries down to just 4 winners? Maybe a 100-pager elimination round is in order?

Maybe the polyhedral theory of criticism?

 

[hong]

I've only ever written one D&D haiku, and this is it. Actually, it is a speculation on what sort of haiku a mindflayer would write, if mindflayers wrote haiku.

Clams

Salty putrescence
Quivering mass of jelly
Chewy, like your brain

=== REPOST ===
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.dnd
Subject: An Illithid Haiku: Clams
From: Noah Dowd <noah@bnr.ca>
Date: Mon, 14 Oct 1996 12:46:03 -0500
--------
"Clams"

Salty putrescence
Quivering mass of jelly
Chewy, like your brain.

=== END REPOST ===

And I believe someone followed up with

Human, let's do lunch
Meet me in a dark alley
Do not wear a hat

And Psion, of all people:

Illithid, you're meat
You're no worse than a dragon
Hey, where is the mage?

 

[evildmguy]

Okay, I will try

As a DM, here is my entry:


The lever is large
only a fool would pull it.
They fight for the job.


Extras, again from a DM:

All signs say go north.
characters stop and confer
South is then chosen.

Mountains of gold will
only tempt characters more.
They rush to their death.

To go there is death,
even with the piles of
treasure. Where'd they go?

(idea borrowed from Dragon)
We are insulted!
We will regain our honor!
What's Odin's AC?

For fun:

Hallowed Mountain Dew
the sacred drink sustains me
let us go all night!

edg

 

[Ringmasta]

Do not touch my dice
My dice are my dearest friends
Also, I hate you

Ah the jolting flash
of lightning cannot compare
to burning goblins

Run and hide in fear!
For the fiendish toad doth come
And god it's ugly

Behold! I am orc!
Yet sweet music I make now.
Korg Smash! Korg Break Things!

Hands off of my dice!
They are shiny and speckled
Your touch curses them

My lovely dice fell
Into the vent on the floor
The gods laugh at me

The battle begins.
My turn is arriving now.
One. I hate my dice.

Flanking foes again.
Why is there no sneak attack?
I hate the undead.

My bag full of dice
And with my twelve pack of beer
The gaming begins

A shot of bourbon
when your character is hurt.
Stupid idea.

Finally it's over.
We emerge victorious.
Time for a smoke break.

Contest Entry:
---------------------------

I will kill them all
My players tried to carry
A bag full of rats.

 

[Orco42]

Here is my little submission. I have had some great times on these boards.

Harm is not broken
Where is my dear Bugaboo
Rangers got the shaft

 

[noretoc]

Heck, I'll try, only cause I never wrote one before

--
Morning comes too soon.
Our gamming lasted all night.
Work in an hour?
--

 

[Celebrim]

Well, I'm not much of a poet, but I'll put my peice of paper in the pot.

*******************
Dice hanging in the air.
Gamer offers up prayer.
Natural Twenty?
*******************

Living outside rules,
Poet finds one poem
far too constraining.

Modules lengthen with
same text. D&D stat block
no longer one line.

Next step may be last.
No one has a ten foot pole?
We go back to town.

Tense negotiations.
DM tires of all this talk.
Roll for initiative.

Eight Troll Barbarians
versus an expert thirteen.
CR not exact.

Party find banshee.
Roll for initiative. Shudder.
Now tomb deathly quiet.

Blink! Clatter! Clatter!
Buy one more black d6!
Rogue just gained level!

Twenty new monster
tomes. Maybe some DM needs
fiendish dire wombats.

Paladin bends rules.
DM knows that player
Chaotic Nuetral

Jack Chick thinks demons
dwell in dice. Another one!?!?
OK, maybe some.

Behind screen he notes,
but blow makes hit points rise?
Fight goes too quickly.

------------------------
And now the ENWorld section:

Crothian reviews;
Hong annoys; Dragongirl smirks
at drolling fanboy

Talk of politics,
makes for short hot discussion.
Darkness soon descends.

Piratecat, worthy
admin. But wasn't that joke
told about a pig?

 

[Demogorgon]

Commentary on the Book of Vile Darkness

Demogorgon lite?
Orcus using a Bowflex?
Dumb illustrator...







editing : a demon's prerogative

 

[BigFreekinGoblinoid]

DM's Lament

Days of work wasted.
Cursed Arrow of Slaying!
Modules only from now on.


came up with later:

Bus money is gone.
I'm "Paying the Pig" again!
Somebody drive me home?

---

Spring cherry blossoms,
are beautiful images.
but Airwolf's sig's rule!

---

RE: the above

Please dear DragonGirl,
don't hate me for my Haiku.
Much respect for you!

---

Again I refresh,
hoping this time it will load
I miss ENWorld

---