The Continuing Tales From The Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog Tavern!

Wystan

Villager
Totally disoriented I reach for my blindfold as I sense that 'AL' is no longer here. I sheath my Rapier and...

'My good lady, may I please have a glass of elven wine? and some salad? and a napkin to wipe the drool from our friend here? and a small bib or somesuch to catch further drool? and a comfortable chair?'.

I stand and look in amazement at the husk that is/was our leader, and at the 'Helper Monkey'. I then proceed to pull some scraps of material out of my bag and a needle and thread and a tape measure and attempt to measure said monkey for a matching outfit.
 
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Lord_Raven88

Villager
As the monkey appears on the Sheriff's shoulder a brief look of confusion and surprise passes over the monkey's features. As his eyes alight on Al his features quickly change to one of anger.

Emitting what can only be described as an angry tirade (if one could understand monkey) the angry capuchin monkey jumps up and down on Sheriff Bill's shoulder shaking his tiny fist.

*Poof*

Noticing his new surroundings the cute monkey clings to his mindless beast of burden muttering darkly to himself as the group enters the Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog tavern.

Finally noticing the slack-jawed drooling Sheriff staring at him, the monkey gives a start of surprise unnerved at the mindless stare of the Sheriff.

Waving his hand in front of the face of the Sheriff and receiving no response, the monkey chatters in obvious curiosity. Lifting up his eyelid the monkey stares at the rolling eyes of the insensate Sheriff, his head bobbing and moving as he tries to keep track of the wandering eye.

Tiring of the game quickly, the monkey gingerly reaches out and pinches the nose of the Sheriff, letting out a cackle of delight as the Sheriff's autonomous reflexes causes the Sheriff's mouth to open and to inhale a deep breath. "Oooaah"

Releasing his hold on the Sheriff's nose the monkey closes the Sheriff's mouth again and pinches his nose shut once again.
 

DrZombie

Villager
Gruaamsh, smoke coming out of the nostrils of the demon-headed helmet with a faint red glow in it's mouth, reaches out with a plate)mailed fist and grabd the monkey by the skin of it's neck.
"If you even think about throwing poo I'll kebab you with my longsword. Now leave sheriff Bill alone. I didn't believe he could be even more brainadamaged, but after the wizard incident I'm not taking any chances. Now piss off."
 

Lord_Raven88

Villager
DrZombie said:
Gruaamsh, smoke coming out of the nostrils of the demon-headed helmet with a faint red glow in it's mouth, reaches out with a plate)mailed fist and grabd the monkey by the skin of it's neck.
"If you even think about throwing poo I'll kebab you with my longsword. Now leave sheriff Bill alone. I didn't believe he could be even more brainadamaged, but after the wizard incident I'm not taking any chances. Now piss off."
Trembling in fear as he's held before the demon-headed warrior the monkey loses control of his bladder, and continues to tremble in fear as a golden arc of pee splashes directly upon the metal helm and the face beneath, extinguishing the cigar.

As the warrior curses in surprise and releases the monkey, it quickly scampers up out of the reach fearsome warrior. With it's arms wrapped around it's body, the miserable looking monkey lets out a plaintive mewling sound as it trembles in fear, it's small brown eyes locked upon the warrior who had manhandled it so.
 

DrZombie

Villager
Gruaamsh spits out the end of his cigar. "It appears I must choose my words more carefully in the future."
He takes off his helmet, revealing a half-orc with long, blond, curly hair and sweet blue eyes.
He grabs another cigar and lights it, spreading once more a foul-smelling cloud.
"Monkey, you'd better know how to clean armor."
 

Wystan

Villager
I proceed to sit down on the nearest thing that is sort of seat height...

"Bill cataleptic, monkey pissing on Grummsh, K and Richard, myself....what are we to do. We need to know what Bill knew...
 

DrZombie

Villager
Wystan said:
I proceed to sit down on the nearest thing that is sort of seat height...

"Bill cataleptic, monkey pissing on Grummsh, K and Richard, myself....what are we to do. We need to know what Bill knew...
"Do you really think he knew that much? His plan usually was beating the crap out of anything that resisted him." He frowns. "A good plan, that was."
"Let's get inside, have a bath, a few beers and a meal. things wil look bether then, or at least better fed."
 

Lazlow

Villager
The sky welcomes you back to the tavern by giving up a nice, light drizzle, just enough to make things a bit more uncomfortable than they were before. Taking Gruammsh's advice, you all decide to go inside where it's warm to rest and recoup before making plans on what to do next.

The tavern hasn't changed much since last you were here; Muirna's still bustling about tending to the scant few customers, Rufus (the Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog himself) is dozing lightly on the bar, and Berny is still in the corner, frozen in suspended animation inside his shimmering globe of arcane magic. Muirna sees you all and nods, indicating she'll be with you in a moment.

As you all take a seat around your usual table, Sunderkeg walks in from the back. He starts to take stock of the inventory when something, or someone, rather, catches his eye. "Gods help oos," he mutters, walking over to the person. "As ah thoot," he says, "I figgered ye'd coom back." He turns to address the crowd: "Gentlefolk, kindly watch yuir poorses and packs! Gollurn Barrelstave is in tha hoose." He turns back to the person and gives him the evil eye for a moment. A dwarf, short even for dwarves, with dirty red hair and an unkempt beard, a grimace affixed to his face as if hanging on for dear life. After a long, drawn out moment, Sunderkeg speaks.

"Well? What brengs ye roond here noo?"
 
Lazlow said:
"Well? What brengs ye roond here noo?"

Golurn wastes no time with pleasantries: "Me feet bringed me here, ye blind grunt! Did ye think I flew in on pixie wings? Bah! Yer losing what shred o' sense ye ever had. Ale! O' course I be here fer ale. This still be a tavern, no? It ain't the Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog Teahouse or some such, is it? And quit warnin' me marks! If'n they nae have the sense to watch their purses without ye remindin 'em, they nae deserve any coins in those purses. All yer doin is gettin 'em all riled up. Now when somethin goes missin (and don't it always) they'll be after askin me questions that I just have to answer wit me knives. That's just no good fer anybody. So, shut yer trap and fetch me an ale."
 
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Wystan

Villager
(OOC Craw can you choose a slightly different color? On stealth that is unreadable unless I highlight it all.)
I seem to wake up as if in a daze
"...now where was I, Oh these curtains need to be exchanged, a nice blue gingham or a green taffeta...wait I feel like I've done this before. Hmmm, ah oh yes. We were brought here by the evil machinations of a gnome that impunes the integrity of Gar'goyle, great lord of statues and stonework. He deigned to have us capture a dangerous and provocative basalisk and then proceeded to insult us, bespell us...at which point I point to Mr. Bill ...and then transport us here without an ounce of the assistance that we had been promised. Now I need to make an Outfit for the helper monkey here and we seem to be short on travelling companions."

I walk over to the bar
"My good cute dwarven lass, I require a glass of your finest water and a plate of your finest lettuce. This will all be put on Sherriff Bill's tab and will be paid upon the completion of the quest we are on, and after K and I found our own Pirate community and become the scourge of the high seas.

Thank you.
 

Lord_Raven88

Villager
Climbing down from his perch on the roof the capuchin monkey climbs on board his drooling mount and holds on tightly as Bill is lead inside the tavern and is seated at the parties usual table.

Looking around the tavern in wide-eyed curiosity the monkey's gaze quickly flicks around the room taking in the bald dog sleeping on the bar, the man suspended in the globe of magic and the foul-mouth dwarven rogue.

"oooh ooh ah" apparently voicing his opinion of the strange goings-on in this unusual tavern.
 

DrZombie

Villager
"My fair lady, I'll have a double brandy, and a cup of water and a cleaning rag for our monkey friend here" Gruaamsh says, casting a stern glare at the monkey and handing over his reeking helmet.
 

Lord_Raven88

Villager
DrZombie said:
"My fair lady, I'll have a double brandy, and a cup of water and a cleaning rag for our monkey friend here" Gruaamsh says, casting a stern glare at the monkey and handing over his reeking helmet.
The monkey cringes slightly at the stern look from the fearsome Half-Orc as he places his soiled helm in front of him.

Struggling mightily the monkey manages to place the helm on his diminutive head. The capuchin seems to all but disappear, all that can be seen is his tiny feet sticking out beneath.

Resonating from inside the demon visaged helm comes the capuchin's laboured breathing. "haww pawww, haaww paww" as the dwarven lass returns with the cup of water and cleaning rag, the capuchin shrieks excitedly.

Turning the helmet upside down the tiny monkey pours the cup of water inside the helm. Taking off his embroided red vest and hat, the capuchin gingerly climbs into his make shift bath and begins to clean himself contentedly.

Turning to look at the scowling half orc warrior, the capuchin gives his best I'm a dumb cute animal look and carries on cleaning himself.
 
Golurn downs another ale and looks about. Seeing a monkey bathing in a demon helmet, he jumps off his barstool and looks at his mug in a stunned fashion for a moment. Slowly, an appreciative grin spreads across his face. "Mushroom ale! I heared o' that once. All kinds o' crazy visions. Muirna! I be needed three more o' these! Be damned, Sunderkeg, I never figured ye fer the apootho.. apossumcarry... acothemary.. damnit...herb-peddlin' type. But I approve."
 

Wystan

Villager
My ears peeking up a bit at the mention of mushroom ale...
"Mushroom ale, I have not heard that in many moons. I though that was outlawed in at least 3 out of every 5 hamlets around these parts. Most humans are way too weak willed to resist the splurging and dementia that is caused by the massive imbibance of Mushroom ale."

I turn and look at Golurn...
"My good ma...dwarf, What in the nine hells of the demon lord of Numerology Mat'O'Matics are you drinking that for. There has to be a better drink, mayhaps not a cheaper one, but definately a better one. I mean they serve slightly passable elven wine here, and I even hear they make a wicked almond walnut berry tippler with a sweet cream chaser."
I turn to the bar
" My beautiful for a dwarf dwarven lass, may I please request that you serve this gentledwarf here a 'Triple wham cream and ogre snot' on the rocks, the litereral rocks mind you as they absorb some of the acid and cause the glass to not be destroyed as quickly. Also please remember to add it to Sherriff Bills tab. Thank you."

I turn back towards Golurn

"This should curl your nose hairs."
 
Wystan said:
"This should curl your nose hairs."
"Bah, 'tis regular ale after all. I don't know why I would be surprised to see a monkey bathe in a helmet around here. There do be a bald mutt on the bar and a frozen mage in the corner, after all. Not that I won't accept the drink, mind ye. Here's ta hopin' it don't curl me nose hairs, though. Makes em a tad sight harder to unbraid."
 

Lazlow

Villager
Muirna brings the requested drinks to the table, all the while carrying on a not-so-hushed conversation about some juicy local gossip with another woman who follows her around. Seemingly unfazed by the drooling, mindless Sheriff, she places an ale in front of him as well, and as she glances at the monkey bathing in Gruammsh's helmet, she pauses for a moment and says, "Ah yes, the soup of the day is squirrel bisque. Not one of Olaf's best, if you ask me, but palatable." She then returns to the bar with the gossipy lady in tow, deep in conversation.

============

OOC: K suddenly remembers that she's holding a scroll that Al the Wizard gave them...
 

DrZombie

Villager
"Well, unless monkey boy there starts to cleanMY HELMET , it'll be monkey stewed in it's own juice for me, I reckon" Gruaams says, smiling evilly 'round his cigar.
 

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