As a random aside, having "non-optimized" characters is what made me hate and eventually quit WoW. No one wants to bring you to an instance or raid unless you have "the best build evar", which essentially means you have to make a character everyone else wants you to play, or you don't play. If this is the attitude that new and old 4e players are starting to have, I fear for the future.
Back when I played WoW that was precisely why I avoided any and all raids or group activities larger than my wife and I. We had a lot of fun utterly avoiding all group activities. (And, before you ask why we were playing an MMO then, if WoW was as cool as it is and could run just on our local network, we'd prefer it that way.)
And in my experience online, I think it's just a vocal group of 4e players that treat the game that way. They are allowed to play how they like, but if I see another "Why would you play that race/class combo because the ability score bonuses don't match?!" comment I'll scream. That's my particular annoyance with *some* fans that I'm seeing FAR FAR more with 4e than previous editions.
Example 1: I want to play a wand wizard Hafling (+2 dex helps this build) that spent his first 3 feats multi into warlock, taking linguastics, and taking the first feat for the vistini... but I was told that would be a lag on the group...
I really hesitate to use this statement, but quite frankly I think they are playing it wrong. It's a cooperative game, and when they are telling you what you can and can't play, even if you are still valuable to the party, well, then they are missing that whole "cooperative" thing. We don't try to "win" at D&D.
To me, this is what sets PnP games apart from that. I loath DPS calculcations for PnP games. It makes them unfun to me.
Same here. I can certainly understand some people being interested in that, and I'm perfectly cool with that - as long as they keep their calculations to their own PC. But once they start DPS calculating my PC, watch out.

As others have said, as long as I'm more benefit than burden, and more fun than distracting, I could care less what my DPS is.
My line is if people want to optimize their own PC, that's great. Enjoy the game however you want. Once you start trying to optimize other people's PCs when they haven't asked you to, that's just rude. Don't be down wit' O.P.P.C., k?