Why do women send mixed signals?

[reveal]

Well she clearly married you for your honesty.

As opposed to say, your spelling.

Well, LOS is defined as "[t]he term United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea (UNCLOS, also called simply the Law of the Sea or LOS) refers to several United Nations events and one international treaty. The events the term refers to are the (First) United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea, the Second United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea, and the Third United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea. The treaty resulting from the Third United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea also bears the name United Nations[.]"

Maybe they just don't see eye to eye on this topic.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

As opposed to say, your spelling.

My spelling is really very good. By that I mean I know when I've spelled something wrong. In fact, when I post really long posts, I usually type everything out, copy it into Word, spell check & edit it, then copy it back into my post. I sometimes forget. Or am lazy.

Does this thing have a Spell-check?

 

[The_Universe]

Thanks for everyones input. I'm about to tell you people something I have not shared with that many people. I have Asperger Syndrome. Basically I have a very hard time reading body laguage, social cues, ect.. I really dislike large social situations and I shy away from them. I have trouble making "small talk", ect.. So when someone says "lets meet for dinner", i think thats what she wants to do.

Hey, at least you know, and can react with an awareness of your (really, relatively minor once you've identified it) social problem.

Give her a call next week - it sounded to me like she just forgot, though I admit that I wasn't there. If she blows you off after that, it's probably time to move on, but don't get angry. People's desires change from moment to moment, and they're naturally forgetful.

I blew off the woman-who-is-now-my-wife the first time she asked me "out" because I was not consciously aware that she was in to me. It just hadn't occurred to me that she might be interested, even though we'd been talking and talking and talking for like a month. So, she asked me over to her house, I said I'd stop by, and then I didn't, because I didn't think it was all that big of a deal to her. If I hadn't been a total smacktard, we'd probably have an anniversary 2-3 weeks sooner than the one we *do* celebrate.

 

[Rel]

Well, LOS is defined as "[t]he term United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea (UNCLOS, also called simply the Law of the Sea or LOS) refers to several United Nations events and one international treaty. The events the term refers to are the (First) United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea, the Second United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea, and the Third United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea. The treaty resulting from the Third United Nations Convention on Law of the Sea also bears the name United Nations[.]"

Maybe they just don't see eye to eye on this topic.

So you're saying that the "LOSy Lair" is that big building in New York with all the flags out front?

 

[reveal]

So you're saying that the "LOSy Lair" is that big building in New York with all the flags out front?

Nope.

 

[Rel]

My spelling is really very good. By that I mean I know when I've spelled something wrong. In fact, when I post really long posts, I usually type everything out, copy it into Word, spell check & edit it, then copy it back into my post. I sometimes forget. Or am lazy.

Does this thing have a Spell-check?

I don't think it does and it really doesn't bother me. I misspell words all the time too.

I wasn't really trying to pick on you. But "losy lair" just struck me as funny and I have too much time on my hands this morning. No worries.

 

[Waylander the Slayer]

EQUATION 1
People in groups= meeting people and interacting with people
Small talk = getting to know people and people knowing you
People getting to know you = Building relationships
Relationships = friends, lovers and future wives.

EQUATION 2

Angry hostile people (excuses can range from, "I am anti-social" to "this is all phony" to "this is pointless") = people you do not want to talk to (who wants to talk to someone rude???)


The fact of the matter is, people that consider themselves "anti social" etc, from personal observation, have issues with their image and who they are. Got to love yourself man! This is easier said than done. Work on your body image, your career and all of your interests, and never let fear stop you- do something you are afraid to do everyday. The rest will take care of itself.

 

[The_Universe]

Thats just it, I don't have fun with any large group of people. I don't see the need to sociallize like that and BS each other. Whats the point? So I can stroke my own ego? So I can feel "normal'? I am normal, IMO. If people don't like me or think I'm weird becuase I don't talk muck. Its they're loss. I'm already discouraged.

Women love listeners. You don't need to be gregarious - you just need to be *somewhere* where you're available, and social settings are the places that women are *tuned* to look for dudes to hang out with. As long as you're reasonably friendly, you'll be fine. You don't even need to say a thing about yourself. Ask questions, and then let others talk. You don't need to pretend that you don't have a problem - just head out there to the limits of yoru comfort zone, and I bet you'll find some people out there at the limits of *their* comfort zones, too.

Don't get mad at the posters in this thread, buddy. I haven't read a single word from someone who isn't genuinely trying to help you find the soul mate you're looking for. Even (and ESPECIALLY) Teflon Billy.

 

[The_Universe]

Update on the girl in question. She emailed me and told me that she met someone else and wanted to see how it would go. If she just told me this in the first place, it would have been cool. Why did she feel the need to lie? I am more hurt by people that lie then the fact she might see someone else. Her lose, I won't call her again.
So when my boss asks me if I got done with that project when I'm not even half done I should say "its all set." When its not? Its ok I guess.
I admit. I have used escorts in the past when i was frustrated. It works for me I, don't hurt anyone. But looking for something more now.
I did some thinking, I think people with AS that don't like to socialize are better off then people that always have to do that BS to feel good about themselves. We see that stuff for what it really is and everyone elses gets uptight when we don't play the raindeer games like everyone else does. I don't need to comform for anyone. If a person does not accept and like me for who I am, its they're lose. Thats all I want, somneone to accept me for who I am.
I have AS, I don't like to socialize in large groups. Why do most people on here think I will find someone simialar to me that does not like larger social gatherings at a large social gathering? I usaly tell someone I'm interested in that I have AS after we talked for a bit, or on the second date or so. I found out if I do it upfront, it scares them away.

This might be part of the problem, buddy - Aspergers isn't "who you are" any more than "fat" is "who I am." They're not points of pride. They're not things that either of us should think make us superior to the general populace. In fact, I'll go so far as to say that they're both problems that we should make some effort to repair, or at least mitigate the harm they might cause.

Who you are is something that a mild mental disorder prevents others from seeing, because it walls you off from them. Over time, I'm sure you've had people get inside that wall...but a tentative romance is not likely to provide the kind of motivation to lay siege to those walls. There are ways to lower them - drugs are one of them. I wouldn't recommend them. After all, as TB has so wonderfully pointed out, you may not be able to control how you feel, but you always control how you act. The key is realizing that how you feel isn't always a good guide to how you should act.

Bummer about this girl. That sucks. Maybe she'll decide she missed out and give you a call. But there are other girls, and they're out *looking* for a really nice guy that (in most threads) you seem to be. You just need to be somewhere where they can find you: out of your apartment, and out from behind the aspergers.

Best to you, buddy. I wish you luck.

 

[spatha]

Buut to people with AS, it is a lie. So its ok for people not to do things some days and do them when the feel like it?

In a word YES.