Why do women send mixed signals?

[DungeonmasterCal]

Maybe find an online community for folks with Aspberger's and meet someone through that?

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I never called on Religion, I called on God, to me there is a difference. So you think a guy that has trouble comminucating with women should not go to an escort service when he needs it? Where everything is clear and upfront instead of the BS you have to deal with put up with from womens games? Why are you bringing up that other post? What have i done to hurt you? Whay are you trying to bring that up to other people? Why are you trying to hurt me?

Ignore crap like this, Ken. If all you wanted was sex and nothing but, this'd be fine. But not for what you're looking for: a meaningful relationship. Which, IMO, is more important than just getting some booty. I think that you're gonna have to socialize to meet women and see if there's one who might have an interest in you... put aside any negativity you might have about socializing, women and the like or you'd just scare them off... be yourself. Be nice, courteous, friendly and be willing to talk about most anything, even if it goes under "small talk"... Who knows... you might find a date for Friday night... You may have to be "bold" to a woman you might find interesting and ask her if she's got plans for Friday night...

 

[BigFreekinGoblinoid]

Wow Ken,

This thread is like some sort of new age cleansing for you. Bravo for your full disclosure. I for one have a lot more respect for you than I previously had, especially now that I know about your condition. I'm speaking broadly here, and won't provide any specific examples, as there is really no point to that, but frankly, your strong opinions have turned me off a bit in the past.

Just goes to show that people shouldn't be so quick to judge until they fully understand a situation. There's always something you don't know.

This thread has become many other things besides its original intentions, but I'll end with encouraging you to get outside of your comfort zone and put yourself out there in more social situations when possible. People that will like you, and that you like, are out there, but you aint gonna meet them in your living room.

Thanks for sharing Ken, you have gained at least one friend through this. And hey, we are not all perfect. Check out this thread for some laughs at our expense!
http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=138247

 

[Alan Shutko]

I think that you're gonna have to socialize to meet women and see if there's one who might have an interest in you... put aside any negativity you might have about socializing, women and the like or you'd just scare them off... be yourself. Be nice, courteous, friendly and be willing to talk about most anything, even if it goes under "small talk"... Who knows... you might find a date for Friday night...

Exactly. And remember, that although you might not be interested in someone, that person can still be valuable to you. I mean, I stopped to talk to a neighbor I didn't really know because I was a little early to the neighborhood meeting, and now she's planning on setting me up with her friend. Meeting people is like finding a job: you can look all you want online, but it's a lot easier if you know people who know other people who might know someone that fits. Some groups of friends are pretty insular, but most people belong to several groups of friends and by getting to know them, you'll be more likely to be invited to events with other people they know you might get along with.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Update on the girl in question. She emailed me and told me that she met someone else and wanted to see how it would go. If she just told me this in the first place, it would have been cool. Why did she feel the need to lie? I am more hurt by people that lie then the fact she might see someone else. Her lose, I won't call her again.

Now that's just plain low down, dirty and mean. She shoulda been up front about this. If she's trying to see how many she can twist around her little finger then she isn't worthy for you. 'Cause all she's gonna do is lie all the time, if this is any indication.... It's best to cut her loose and try again.... Sorry it didn't work out.

 

[Hijinks]

Oh, and don't be afraid to say "sorry, I'm not free Tuesday and Thursday next week, can we make it Wednesday?". It lets her know that you already have a social life and don't just sit at home watching TV and surfing the internet every night. A female friend told me that little "game".

I wouldn't personally recommend to someone who doesn't understand mind games, to play a mind game of their own.

What I *would* recommend to Ken is to be honest. I am a single woman (and relatively intelligent), and I have used the internet personals quite a bit (thank you Match.com for the relationship I am currently in). I would not, in any way, shape, or form, be put off by a man I'd been talking to saying "I have a condition where I don't read social signals very well and can't determine a difference between small talk and honest interest. If you don't want to go out with me, please just say so." That would not offend me in the slightest, and I would respond with a honest, true answer.

From a female point of view, what this woman did sounded to me like the occasional female flakiness that I, and many other woman, experience from time to time. I myself did not realize this upcoming weekend was a 3-day weekend until yesterday ( and dang, that was nice to realize! ) Sometimes you just forget! It didn't sound to me like she was trying to blow you off.

EDIT: Ok I finally read through the whole thread and read that she said she was seeing someone else now. When you're a woman using an internet personal service, you have several men emailing you. Sometimes you might like one more than others, but want to meet the others too; if the one you really like doesn't ask to meet you that weekend, why not ask another guy to meet you instead? Then when the first guy does ask at the last minute ... it's crappy that she did that, in my opinion, but I understand it. She should have been upfront with you that she was speaking to other men also, but I would suggest assuming that for future endeavors; assume that the woman you're talking to online is talking to several men at once, and trying to figure out which one she likes the most.

I talked about this with someone and they told me when she said she would email me, it was just small talk and I should not have taken it like she was going to accually do it.

To be honest, most people do not see emailing someone else as a high priority in life. Many people have families, children, jobs, more than one job, or a combination of all of those. We're busy. Remember to email someone you talked with once last year isn't something that I would typically remember. I would be sorry if that hurt the person's feelings, but at the time that I said "I'll email you!" I would certainly have an intention of doing it, but small things like that can slip a busy person's mind.

When I was younger, I always remembered birthdays and sending cards and such, I never forgot a family member's birthday. Then I moved twice in 2 years, got a boyfriend, was suddenly very busy, and I started forgetting. I couldn't believe I would forget things that I previously had done so well, but that just goes to show how busy people can be.

Cut the poor girl some slack =\ Why not email her?!?

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

What I *would* recommend to Ken is to be honest. I am a single woman (and relatively intelligent), and I have used the internet personals quite a bit (thank you Match.com for the relationship I am currently in). I would not, in any way, shape, or form, be put off by a man I'd been talking to saying "I have a condition where I don't read social signals very well and can't determine a difference between small talk and honest interest. If you don't want to go out with me, please just say so." That would not offend me in the slightest, and I would respond with a honest, true answer.

I'll definately second that. Very wise advice, Hijinks.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

My spelling is really very good. By that I mean I know when I've spelled something wrong. In fact, when I post really long posts, I usually type everything out, copy it into Word, spell check & edit it, then copy it back into my post. I sometimes forget. Or am lazy.

Does this thing have a Spell-check?

Don't feel bad. I have a friend who, if you look at his IMs, you'd think he can't spell worth a darn.... but if he types out stuff in an email, his spelling is vastly better. Granted he doesn't know what the "shift" key is for.... Everything is in lower-case. And Rel is only teasing you... like I teased my friend once for his spelling...

 

[Arashi Ravenblade]

Maybe im expecting too much out of people but how hard is it to remeber that a holiday is coming, or that you have plans with other people. Personally i think this "selective Memory"( Unless you have a clinical memory problem (like my mother) there is no reason ot forget things) people have is just a lame excuse to blow people off to get out of things, I know when i was in high school i used it alot, but being older (not by much im only 22) i just say id rather not do somthing then have to lie or come up with an excuse not to. It really comes down to people being selfish and not caring about others feelings, and not having the common decency to tell someone straight up that their not interested, theres actually a situation i regret because i sort of tiptoed around prom with this one girl i wasnt interested in, instead of telling her i wasnt interested i ignored her, i feel bad i did that because people have blown me off like that, maybe one day this person will fell bad (for blowing ken off), but not likely as most are selfish.

 

[Hijinks]

how hard is it to remeber that a holiday is coming

Hmm .. and yet I just got finished saying that I forgot it was coming up also. Guess I'm a manipulative woman trying to scam someone?

People .. get .. busy. And as you age, yes you start to forget things that were easy to remember in the early 20's.

I think the advice of having someone you know introduce you to some women, rather than relying on internet personals, is good advice. However, you don't seem the type to want to make friends, to be honest. You want to be alone, yet you want a woman, but she has to not have any other friends because you don't like to socialize. That's how I'm reading it. I'm not trying to be insulting, but that is how it appears to many of us, I think.

What woman is going to want to give up her entire social circle of friends for a possible boyfriend? You've already said you refuse to socialize with other people.