I don’t think I see them as quite as incompatible as you. But I would agree that exercising control may be about something else.
What do you think some examples could be in the context of RPGs?
One example is that the DM exercising control can be "about" providing the experience their players seek. (Assuming, of course, a table with aligned playstyle preferences.)
I can expand on that example from personal experience. As a player, the experience I seek is one where (among other things) the fictional world I'm exploring vis-a-vis my character is both (a) tailored to my interests and (b) doesn't
feel like it's tailored to my interests. In practice, balancing my preferences requires someone else to have most of the authorial control over the setting, because it's very hard to achieve (b) if I'm the one doing the tailoring. So giving authorial control over the setting to the DM is part-and-parcel of achieving the experience I seek, but it's not "about" giving up control as it would be if I were actively seeking a sense of abnegation, submission, or passivity.
Indeed, one of the "other things" about the experience I seek as a player is the feeling of achieving self-determination in the face of obstacles. In practice, achieving that feeling requires the players to (collectively) have a high degree of control over the direction of the campaign by way of setting their characters' goals and making strategic choices (because its hard to have a feeling of self-determination otherwise), while simultaneously
not having authorial control over the obstacles faced (because overcoming self-imposed obstacles, while potentially satisfying, is a different kind of feeling than what I'm seeking).
Thus, for me as a player, the experience I seek requires giving a great deal of control over the setting and the obstacles within it to the DM, while keeping a large measure of control over the direction of the campaign for myself (and my fellow players). Thus, when the DM "exercises [that] control", it's "about" providing the desired experience, and comes with a highly positive, laudable connotation. In contrast, saying the DM exercising control is "about" control suggests that the control is an end in its own right, which carries a strongly negative connotation.