Iron DM "Home Game" Revival

[mmadsen]

Well, this is going to sound contrived, but it's not. My 9 month old son had to go to the doctor today unexpectedly, so I lost a few hours off the time I had alotted myself to get this done. Although I imposed the deadline on myself and in the real Iron DM contest (not to slag this fine competition by any means ) I would be given no quarter, I was wondering if I could be given an extension? If not, I'll still post something by 9 pm EST, but I'd like to have time to fine tune the entry. Let me know…

You're going to have to get your priorities straight, young man. You put your child's health ahead of Iron DM? No, seriously, mirthcard, take your time. I hear Kobolds kidnapped Griswold, and we're letting him turn in his scenario whenever he gets back.

 

[Mirth]

Funny enough, mmadsen, here it is! (Better late than never I suppose )

Ingredients:

Wraith w/levels of Bard
Magic ring of irony
A large city
Tasty pudding
The Tree of Knowledge
Barbarian rage

The Ballad of Mad Jack

An encounter of substance for 4 characters of 5th-7th level.

The one sentence synopsis: Mad Jack is stuck with a ring and the party must get rid of it or get rid of him.

Background: Decades ago, Jack Songspinner fancied himself a ladies' man and raconteur, but his many improprieties and adulterous affairs began to catch up with him. His good looks and pretty voice did for this bard what his smarts could never do - kept him alive. Secretly, Jack knew he lacked the brains to make it in this rough-and-tumble world if his face or his throat ever gave out on him. This bothered him greatly and many an evenings' dalliances were cut short by Jack's growing lack of self-confidence. Jack decided that the best course of action would be to seek out someone smarter than he was. An old sage told Jack that one sure way to gain the intelligence he needed was to seek out The Tree Of Knowledge. Jack paid the wise man for a sheaf of papers detailing the legends that were known about The Tree and set out to find it. He never did.

Lucky for Jack he didn't need to, for along his travels he discovered a Ring Of Three Wishes. What does one need with brains when you have unlimited power, nay your every dream, at your fingertips? Not wanting to waste any time needlessly worrying over what the three wishes should be, Jack immediately wished all three at once.

First, he wished for everlasting life. Then, he wished for all of his loved ones (illicit and otherwise) to be with him. And lastly, Jack wished for a gigantic pudding of exquisite taste (mostly because he was really hungry, pudding was his favorite food and he couldn't think of anything else at the moment - you see, he really wasn't very bright).

All of this would have worked out fine for Jack except for one small problem - the Ring Of Three Wishes was intelligent, and it realized really quickly that Jack wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. Not wanting to be stuck with this moron for eternity, the Ring decided that if it didn't give Jack exactly what he wanted, if it twisted the wishes around, then Jack would get upset, throw him away and storm off to live some stupid existence somewhere else. Anywhere would be fine with the Ring as long as Jack was gone.

So for Jack's first wish, the Ring made him undead - specifically a Wraith. For the next one, the Ring brought all of Jack's loved ones together and even gave them an entire city they could live in and call their own (Jack had a lot of loved ones, if you know what I mean), the only catch was that the city was contained within a large glass bottle [OOC: like the Bottle City Of Kandor from Superman] that Jack would have to lug around with him everywhere. And lastly (the Ring really got a kick out of this one), Jack was joined by a huge Black Pudding [found under Ooze, MM p145-146] with Awakened Intelligence that fancied itself a gourmand - bored with the standard fare (like humans or rocks), the Pudding decided it would travel with Jack (who he took an instant liking to) and seek out new tastes and textures the world over. With the wishes taken care of, the Ring was sure that Jack would cast it off and be on his way - the poor dumb sod. What the Ring didn't count on was that Jack was too dumb to figure that out.

Instead, Jack figured that he had made a mistake in making his wishes. His lack of intelligence had stumped him again. He must find the Tree Of Knowledge and figure this out, if only he could remember where he put those papers with the legends written on them. And so off Jack went with Ring (which was shocked in disbelief) and Bottle City in hand and Pudding schlepping behind. For decades Jack has traveled the land looking for the Tree Of Knowledge he can never find, going more and more mad with each passing day and obsessing over the Ring and his failure.

The encounter: The party may encounter Jack in practically any dark setting - forest, underground, seedy alley - you pick a place and Jack has probably been there. It's not where they are but what they decide to do with Jack once they meet him that makes this interesting. Unlike most Wraiths, Jack has retained some semblance of sentience about himself, probably because of his obsession with the Ring and with finding the Tree. It is his driving force, his only reason for existence. And it is the reason he seeks the party out.

When the party encounters him, Jack will already have been following them for quite some time, sizing them up and building up the courage to ask them for help. He will pick one character that he thinks looks the smartest, either a spellcaster or perhaps a psion, and approach that person alone if he can, explain his situation and ask for help. How the party reacts to Jack is tantamount to what happens next. After all, he looks like a Wraith and they may very well attack first and ask questions later.

If they attack Jack without provocation, he will defend himself using all of his Wraith abilities. The Black Pudding will also come to the aid of his friend (and for a possible shot at something new for dinner). If Jack is killed, the Black Pudding will fly into a Rage (like a Barbarian), forgetting his delicate pallette and consuming everything in his path. This is probably not the best course of action for the players.

If the players listen to Jack's plight (which he will tell from his perspective, leaving nothing out), then they may decide to help him try to find the Tree Of Knowledge, but this may lead to worse things also. Jack won't wait somewhere for the players to go and find it for him, he feels he must stay with them. It's not easy to travel in civilized areas with a Wraith and huge Black Pudding tagging along. Jack won't have any information about where to find the Tree (he lost those papers ages ago), the Ring can't communicate with anyone but Jack (and Jack stopped listening to it years ago as well, although he still tells it to shut up) and the Black Pudding will constantly be trying to eat Jack's new friends (which Jack won't do much to stop). And any insult to or shortness with Jack will have a great possiblity of making him strike out in anger at the party (leading to the same end result as if they had attacked Jack).

One possible solution is to have the party convince Jack to give them the Ring. The Ring will try to convince Jack that this is the best solution as well. However, the party may get the idea that the Ring is cursed (this is strongly encouraged in order to further confuse the situation). Either way, once the Ring is in the party's possession, it will explain everything to them and beg for their help in getting out of the mess that it has created (IRONICALLY, in order to avoid the very situation it finds itself in now). If the party can convince Jack that he did nothing wrong, that it was the Ring's fault alone, then Jack will regain his self-confidence. This leads to Jack being freed from his unlife and passing on to the afterlife, finally happy (some might say blissfully ignorant).

Of course, the party still has the Pudding to contend with. It will leave them alone, on one condition. The party must give it something truly special to eat, something unique… like a intelligent Ring, perhaps?

 

[seasong]

Just a note: I will critique stuff as it comes in, rather than waiting for any two people to post (kobold kidnappings are simply too unpredictable ).

An entry by mirthcard: The Ballad of Mad Jack

Overview
This felt unfinished to me, but what was there was excellent. I would have liked to see a bit more from the city and tree, particularly since mirthcard managed irony, which was much harder.

Ingredients
Wraith w/levels of Bard: Although I might have liked to see the wraith aspect take on more importance, this was definitely a proper use of the ingredient. Ironically, it's more like a bard with levels of wraith...

Magic ring of irony: This is always going to be a tough ingredient, simply because irony is difficult to pull off. In this case, I felt that it was well used... particularly since the irony isn't in the granted wishes (what we, the audience, expected), but in the ring's reward for its actions. By twisting Jack's wishes to escape, it has doomed itself to centuries with Jack, and possibly ending up as a tasty pudding snack.

A large city: Okay, it's in the bottle. This felt tacked on, and really had no relevance to the scenario itself. While the image is neat, I really would have liked a better link in.

Tasty pudding: The best part of the scenario, I think, was the tasty pudding. Not only do we get the original meaning (in Jack's wish), but we get a great new NPC to play with, and Jack's guardian.

The Tree of Knowledge: Well... it fits. However, the lack of any information on what is needed to find it (perhaps an ironic location, like inside the bottled city Jack's been carrying around for centuries?) makes this scenario feel very incomplete. Especially since it would not have taken much to complete it.

Barbarian rage: Tacked on. Maybe if the pudding (as an Awakened creature) had been established as a barbarian, or if it was explicitly stated that the ring enchanted the pudding to rage in defense of Jack, but otherwise, this fell flat.

Three of the six ingredients were very well done, but what disappointed me was that the remaining three could have been really well done, as well. From the ingredient standpoint, this was a fairly typical scenario (3 for 3), but it had so much potential!

Craftsmanship
One short paragraph detailing what's needed to find the Tree of Knowledge would have made this complete. As it is, we've got a brief (30-60 minute) hook for the players before the DM has to get really creative.

Still, as a hook it's very well played, and meeting a sweet-voiced wraith and its pet Huge pudding is definitely a memorable encounter.

As a side note, in the second to last paragraph, the author takes NO CHANCES that I'll miss the irony of the ring being stuck with Jack. Not that I would have missed it , but this might be a good idea for future Iron DM competitors to keep in mind - the judge/DM doesn't need to be impressed with your subtlety, the players do. And the players won't be reading the scenario.

Originality
Jack is an interesting, solid, memorable character that I would not have thought of but could have great fun running. I kind of imagine him as Otto (from A Fish Called Wanda) with a lute.

And the pudding was tasty!

 

[seasong]

I'm working on my Iron DM scenario against Wicht, so I'll be sporadic today. Mirthcard, thanks for the scenario, it was good reading .

 

[Mirth]

Thanks seasong for the informed criticism. I'm going to defend/explain myself point by point here, but I'll say first of all that most of your criticism was dead on. Anyway, here goes…

Overview
This felt unfinished to me, but what was there was excellent. I would have liked to see a bit more from the city and tree, particularly since mirthcard managed irony, which was much harder.

I started writing this based on what I thought were strong elements/concepts that had been underused/misused in the original Iron DM competition with these ingredients - irony being the one I wanted to nail (English major). I'll be the first to agree with you that this was unfinished. Having not heard back from mmadsen about an extension, I decided to bang out what I had and submit it. Funny enough, when I copied and pasted the scenario into my reply box, I realized that mmadsen had replied to my request just before. I could have taken a few hours more (and the boards went down right afterwards), but I was tired and my son wasn't feeling well, so… Turns out that was the right decision, because my wife got sick as well and I've been up all night taking care of the both of them. (They are sleeping right now ) Not that you needed to know any of that.

Ingredients
Wraith w/levels of Bard: Although I might have liked to see the wraith aspect take on more importance, this was definitely a proper use of the ingredient. Ironically, it's more like a bard with levels of wraith...

I used the wraith angle mostly to give Jack a sad immortality, rather than for him to be a menancing threat. Of course, if the party handles things badly… And there's that Irony thing again

Magic ring of irony: This is always going to be a tough ingredient, simply because irony is difficult to pull off. In this case, I felt that it was well used... particularly since the irony isn't in the granted wishes (what we, the audience, expected), but in the ring's reward for its actions. By twisting Jack's wishes to escape, it has doomed itself to centuries with Jack, and possibly ending up as a tasty pudding snack.

This was what I spent the most time on. I'm glad that at least the hard work that went into this ingredient could be seen.

A large city: Okay, it's in the bottle. This felt tacked on, and really had no relevance to the scenario itself. While the image is neat, I really would have liked a better link in.

At first, I was going to have the party find the bottle floating in the middle of the Black Pudding, with the Ring calling out to them for help. Jack would be living in the city with all of his dead loved ones around him, completely mad and he would have been much more aggresive and evil in his acts when he came out of the bottle to confront the party - not wanting to give up the Ring, etc. But then I decided that the scenario played better with Jack as a sympathetic character, and it was less Tolkienesque, more unique. I still needed the city for the ingredient, of course, and I thought it made for a neat visual effect as well as a funny joke about Jack's love life. Not the best use, but I liked it.

Tasty pudding: The best part of the scenario, I think, was the tasty pudding. Not only do we get the original meaning (in Jack's wish), but we get a great new NPC to play with, and Jack's guardian.

Gotta love the pudding. When I first read that ingredient list while following the Iron DM competition, this guy sprang to mind. I also thought it helped me get out of the situation of whether incognito meant pudding in the American or British sense. As that was one of the weakest elements in the official submissions, I felt this was a definite improvement. I was going to name him, but the word 'pudding' is so much more fun to use.

The Tree of Knowledge: Well... it fits. However, the lack of any information on what is needed to find it (perhaps an ironic location, like inside the bottled city Jack's been carrying around for centuries?) makes this scenario feel very incomplete. Especially since it would not have taken much to complete it.

This was meant to be a macguffin all along. In a 'normal' D&D session, the players would of course seek out the Tree of Knowledge on some kind of epic quest to save Jack and 'set things right.' But I wanted the answer to be there in front of them all along - the Ring. That's why I didn't detail it. If a DM really wanted to take a party there, then they could fill in the details.

Barbarian rage: Tacked on. Maybe if the pudding (as an Awakened creature) had been established as a barbarian, or if it was explicitly stated that the ring enchanted the pudding to rage in defense of Jack, but otherwise, this fell flat.

I'm in total agreement on this one. I was going to have the Pudding as a more savage and out-of-control character just to make this ingredient fit, but I liked him more as a refined and picky effete upper-class Brit. Instead, I decided that if and when his only friend Jack is killed, his true Black Pudding qualities come out in the form of an all-consuming appetite for destruction, both figuratively and metaphorically. But I probably would have left it out if it wasn't required.

Three of the six ingredients were very well done, but what disappointed me was that the remaining three could have been really well done, as well. From the ingredient standpoint, this was a fairly typical scenario (3 for 3), but it had so much potential!

Giving each ingredient its own fair shake in a 3-4 paragraph scenario seemed to be pushing it a bit, especially given the take I had on 3 of the elements and the time crunch I was under. I know, excuses, excuses…

Craftsmanship
One short paragraph detailing what's needed to find the Tree of Knowledge would have made this complete. As it is, we've got a brief (30-60 minute) hook for the players before the DM has to get really creative.

It's a macguffin (see comments above).

Still, as a hook it's very well played, and meeting a sweet-voiced wraith and its pet Huge pudding is definitely a memorable encounter.

Thanks.

As a side note, in the second to last paragraph, the author takes NO CHANCES that I'll miss the irony of the ring being stuck with Jack. Not that I would have missed it , but this might be a good idea for future Iron DM competitors to keep in mind - the judge/DM doesn't need to be impressed with your subtlety, the players do. And the players won't be reading the scenario.

I feel all too often that Iron DM competitors make subtlety a strong point and end up losing because of it. If I took time to put an element in there (especially one that I spent the most time on), then I'm going to make damn sure that the judge sees it.

Originality
Jack is an interesting, solid, memorable character that I would not have thought of but could have great fun running. I kind of imagine him as Otto (from A Fish Called Wanda) with a lute.

I imagined him more like Joey from Friends, sadly enough. If I had to pick a character from A Fish Called Wanda, I'd go with Ken (Michael Palin), although he's more sweet than stupid.

And the pudding was tasty!

Indeed!

Thanks again, seasong, for the lengthy reply and I hope this helps you see where I was coming from. I gotta get in the next Iron DM though. It seems like you have to be really lucky to hit that recruitment at the right time.

 

[seasong]

This was meant to be a macguffin all along. In a 'normal' D&D session, the players would of course seek out the Tree of Knowledge on some kind of epic quest to save Jack and 'set things right.' But I wanted the answer to be there in front of them all along - the Ring. That's why I didn't detail it. If a DM really wanted to take a party there, then they could fill in the details.

We'll disagree on this, of course, but I personally don't care for MacGuffins unless they are very well done, or concealed with good reasons to "want them". Also, I wasn't taking issue with the fact that the tree itself wasn't explained, but that there was no hint about where to find it.

Giving each ingredient its own fair shake in a 3-4 paragraph scenario seemed to be pushing it a bit, especially given the take I had on 3 of the elements and the time crunch I was under. I know, excuses, excuses…

Believe me, I understand. My own scenarios have only managed about 3 good ingredient uses, too! But I still have to comment on it.

Thanks again, seasong, for the lengthy reply and I hope this helps you see where I was coming from. I gotta get in the next Iron DM though. It seems like you have to be really lucky to hit that recruitment at the right time.

Yeah. I wish there was a better way, but I haven't thought of it yet.

 

[Waylander the Slayer]

Ingredients:
Ring of Irony -Incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs
Tasty Pudding
Wraith/ Levels of Bard
Tree of Knowledge
Barbarian Rage
A Large City

Background: (in the distant past)

Grellak Tharn, high shaman of the Northgar tribes, watched the adolescents leave the settlements for the city of Khallor, the capital city of the elven kingdom of Aldavir – known as the enlightenment of the world. He was filled with anger and resentment. All around him, he saw the ways of his people slowly erode. They no longer valued the proud, independent and fierce ways of the tribe; they no longer venerated Morlak, the father of all, who had taught them that strength was everything and civilization was weakness. Now they flocked to the elven cities leaving the wilds behind – to learn and to become “civilized”. It could not go on; he would not watch his people destroy themselves. He did not sleep for weeks as he worked diligently at the forge and prayed reverently to the father of all.
A grim smile of satisfaction spread across his lips as he held the fruits of his labor, the ring of irony – also known as the “Unmaker”, to the morning light. The ring was infused with an element of chaos bestowed by the god himself. It would make a fine gift for Lord Lorac Elaven, the leader of the elves, at the festival of song.

A smile of pure joy spread across Lady Shiala Elaven as she watched Janos Tith, High Bard and her husband – Lord Lorac’s close confidant, sing the song of sorrows. The entire court seemed to be enraptured as if under a spell as they listened to Janos sing. Many looked upon Janos with admiration and awe for he was the Al’quiar – literally translated to mean the “tree of knowledge”. It was said that Liara, goddess of song, chose the Al’quiar to be the vehicle of all bardic lore.

As the ceremonies for the festival of songs came to a close, the attending dignitaries gave gifts to Lorac. The one that appealed to him most was the most beautiful ring he had ever seen. What surprised him even more was the fact that it came from one of the insignificant barbaric tribes. Lorac, as the leader of his peoples, was chosen for his knowledge and wisdom. In many ways, he represented the epitome of nobility and refinement. He considered himself blessed in many ways. He loved and adored his wife and he knew those feelings were reciprocated. There could be no truer friend than Janos whose loyalty was beyond reproach and there was no finer chef than Lothaine – whose Flaubere de Lefuber pudding the king enjoyed even more than Janos’s singing. But the “Unmaker” has a way of unraveling that we hold dearest to our heart…

As time progressed, Lorac, the wise started becoming increasingly suspicious of his wife and of his friend. He was also overcome by fits of anger and uncontrolled rage. Janos, who valued friendship and loyalty above all, started to increasingly have lustful feelings for Lady Shiala. Shiala, known for her virtue and loyalty started to become infatuated with Janos. Soon, both Shiala and Janos gave into their passions. The adultery went against everything they believed in yet their carnal desires were uncontrollable. Lorac, upon discovering the adultery attacked his wife in a fit of rage. Janos went into hiding. His bloodlust was so great that he tore her apart – limb from limb. The barbaric behavior started to affect the general populace as well. Many tried to flee the city – only to find that all roads seemed to end back on the outskirts of Khallor itself.

Janos, being the Al’quiar, became increasingly aware of the “wrongness” of everyone’s behavior. He was also able to learn that the ring was the cause of the chaos. To free the city from the imprisonment Janos crafted the “song of freedom”, he was only partially able to complete the “song of creation” when he was caught. As he was about to be executed, Janos sang the “song of freedom”. He was unable to complete the song, before he was executed. But a few were able to escape the prison that had become Khallor, and with them went the scant knowledge of the lost city of Khallor and the song of freedom. The city fell upon complete chaos and was forgotten in the sands of time…

The Song of Sorrows (LVL 10-15)

PLOT HOOKS:
1. The PCs need information regarding something vital in the campaign. Through research they learn of the Al’quiar - the tree of knowledge. Let the fact that Al’quiar was actually a person, be unknown. The players will need the song of freedom to actually “reveal the city.”
2. The PCs are hired by Chef Pierre De conceet, the most renowned chef in the lands to retrieve the recipe for Flaubere de Lefuber pudding or the Chef feels that his recipe is missing a key ingredient. Based on his research he thinks that the ingredient is the bark/fruit of the Al’quiar.
3. The PCs come upon the song of freedom and some notes on it as part of some treasure they find, it also alludes to the greatness/treasures within the lost city of Khallor.
4. The Pcs are hired to find the lost city of Khallor

SETTING:

There are several effects that make this setting both deadly and challenging.


1. The area where Khallor once stood is now barren. The area could be heavily wooded or badland type surroundings depending on the DM and group preference. Upon singing the song of freedom the “fabric” around the city will unbend. The city, upon approach, will look pristine and beautiful yet abandoned. The song of freedom, since incomplete, will “open” the city for a number of rounds equal to the performance check of the PC who sings the song.
2. The populace, whatever that was left in the city have degenerated over time. The remenants eek out a meager living.
3. Since Elves abhor undeath, most of the dead were turned into undead. They still have sentinance and many abhor their existence, yet cannot control their baser instincts
4. The ring has several effects on those that enter the city:
• Every 4 hours the PCs spent in the city they have to make a Will save DC15+one for every additional 4 hours spent (15 after first 4hrs, 16 after 8hrs etc)
• Each failed save has the following effects:
o Aligment shift – each characters alignment shifts one degree down (lawful to neutral, neutral to chaotic,good to neutral, neutral to evil)
o Whenver a character is faced with a stressful situation after the first failed save for alignment shift, the character has to make a will save DC 20, on a failed save the PC goes into uncontrollable barbaric rage (same as Rage except the Pc has no control over when and against whom it happens)

SCENARIO:

The scenario can easily be developed further by developing the additional buildings within the large city.
The following are critical encounters that have to occur within the city:

1.The Ghost of Lady Shiala:
This encounter can occur anywhere within the city. The Ghost of shiala is filled with remorse, yet at the same time cannot control her inherent nature. The PCs can approach the situation either through diplomacy or through combat. The diplomacy check should have a combined DC of 80 (since this interaction is an ongoing process, the PCs get 3 diplomacy checks – the total of the diplomacy check needs to equal 80). Any Pc who sings or performs for Shiala and has a good or better performance on their skill check automatically succeeds in helping her overcome her bases instincts. She can inform the party of most of the pertinent information, including facts on the other NPCs.

2.Janos Tith - (wraith /bard lvl 20):
This encounter should take place anytime within the castle itself. Janos has been corrupted and is filled with a hatred for the living. Yet his truer nature still exists within him. Any PC who performs for Janos and has a good or better performance automatically succeeds in suppressing his baser nature temporarily. Janos will also show the PCs the location of the magical harp and teach them how to play the “song of Creation.” The song has to be played within close proximity of the “Unmaker” to destroy it (performance automatically suceeeds – it takes 6 rounds to complete the song). If the PCs choose to fight him, they can recover his unfinished notes on the song. The performance DC in this case, to destroy the ring, is DC 35.

3. Lothaine Marar ( Ghoul / Expert Chef 20) :
Lothaine is a frustrated person as he has no one to cook for. Unlike the others, he has been able to resist his baser nature for the most part. All he wants is for the PCs to eat his cooking (quite wonderful by the way). If the PCs refuse, he flies into rage and attacks them. On the other hand if they eat his food, he tells them about Lord Lorac’s current state and also about Lorac’s weakness for his tasty pudding. He will also provide the PCs with an adequate supply of pudding to tempt Lorac.

4.Lord Lorac Elaven (Vampire/ Mage 15):
Lorac is bound to the throne room and cannot leave the room. It is suggested that Lorac not be alone. He has cohorts with him- possibly former adventurers who had come seeking Khallor (maybe even ones the PCs knew and were good at one point). Lorac, though corrupted, can still be reasoned to as well – the combined DC check here is 90 ( three checks). Anyone who confronts Lorac with his favorite pudding is able to distract him for 1D4+2 rounds.

CONCLUSION:
This is a very difficult scenario. But at the same time it is easily scalable by changing NPC levels. Upon the Destruciton of the “Unmaker”, the restless spirits of the dead leave Khallor. The boundary of Khallor also unravels and comes back to normal time. The city also starts to rapidly deteriorate. The spirit of Janos thanks the PCs by singing a song of them that will echo through time itself.

 

[seasong]

Waylander the Slayer, I'm working on your critique right now.

 

[seasong]

Note: As promised, I'm not pulling any punches, so this one might sting a little. This may only be the "home game", but part of the joy of the game is the adherence to the Iron DM standards. Waylander, this is a good entry, but there was a lot of stuff for me to comment on, and so I did.

An entry by Waylander the Slayer: Song of Sorrow

Overview
This is not a scenario that can be easily fit into just any old campaign setting. Ravenloft (although surprisingly not mentioned once) seems a near-perfect fit, particularly with the elven undead, corruption of leaders, inability to leave the city, and horrible crimes of passion. Plus, you can always add another domain, where "Khallor, the capital city of the elven kingdom of Aldavir – known as the enlightenment of the world" might not very easily slot into a Greyhawk, FR or Scarred Lands campaign.

This is a fairly complex scenario, and would require a lot of DM study to handle properly.

Conclusion? I'm interested to see what else Waylander can produce, but this one needs more polish and clarity before it's ready for use. I would also like to see something that more DMs can use in their own campaigns.

Ingredients
Ring of Irony: Unfortunately, Waylander starts his scenario with irony defined at the top, and then proceeds to completely ignore it. I mentioned in an mirthcard's critique that irony is rather difficult to pull off, and I think it failed in this case. Still, except for some prose about Grellak Tharn at the beginning, the ring is a fairly minor element compared to the theme of corruption and passion sprinkled throughout the remainder.

Tasty Pudding: Really, this could have been a particularly lovely shade of purple - it was lacking in puddingness that was vital to its presence. Still, the ability to distract the Lorac for 1d4+1 rounds is a nice touch.

Wraith w/levels of Bard: Really, this one shone. Janos Tith is a tragic, corrupted, passionate figure who ties the themes of the elven undead and the whole Unmaker vs Song of Creation in delightful fashion. This is an NPC that I, as a DM, could really sink my teeth into.

Tree of Knowledge: This was tossed in. Janos Tith is named the Tree of Knowledge, but this really doesn't factor into much other than he knows enough to write the Song of Creation, and there's a plot hook available in the name.

Barbarian Rage: I'm not sure how barbarian-like it is, but I really like the idea of an alternately brooding and raging elven vampire lord. The rest of the city being rage-prone is just bonus.

A large city: Reasonably well handled. Full points.

As usual, we have about 3 of 6 good ingredient uses.

Craftmanship
Themes of corruption and passion are well captured throughout the scenario. As I said earlier, this would fit really well in Ravenloft.

The history part could have been more clearly written, particularly since some of the names that are dwelt upon are completely absent from the rest of the scenario. Still, it gives the right feel to the DM, which can be important.

On the topic of names, Waylander's scenario may require notes. This is because there are a lot of euphonious names bandied about with insufficient linkage. Tolkien was often guilty of the same thing, so this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does make keeping track of everything more difficult. A one sentence summary of each person at the beginning might have made this easier.

We have Grellak Tharn, who forges the Unmaker, and the Northgar tribes he's a part of; Lord Lorac Elaven (a Seuss reference?); the city Khallor, of the kingdom Aldavir; Lady Shiala Elaven; Janos Tith, high bard of the elves; Al'quiar (an elven word for Tree of Knowledge); Liara, goddess of song; Lothaine Marar the chef; and the Flaubere de Lefuber pudding.

Finally, a few questions burned themselves in my mind:
Why is the ring "also known as the Unmaker", when, to date, only its creator knows what it really is? Why was Lorac, "chosen for his knowledge and wisdom", referring to a barbarian tribe capable of producing the Unmaker as "insignificant"?

Originality
The scenario is imaginative, and the raging elven undead is particularly original. I also like the idea of destroying a ring with a song - a variant of this entry might have done particularly well with the rousing music ingredient .

 

[Waylander the Slayer]

Thanks Seasong. Your criticism is very apt and I agree on many of those points.

My biggest concern as I was working on this was the brevity of the post. It would have ended up at at least 5-8 (30 to 40 if i were to develop the city itself) pages if i were to expand on this. It is only bare bones - and it gave me some great ideas as far as my campaign itself is concerned .

I will go into detail on this later on, since i have to go the Museum of Art. I think the best for any name to stand out is for the GM to roleplay the character well (except for on those days when all your NPCs sound exactly like you).