New Epic spell : BALEFIRE

[Izod]

a friend of mine and I are working on this spell. This is what I have come up with so far. please show me where I have made mistakes.

Balefire
Spellcraft DC:112
Components:V,S
Casting time:1 Action
Range: Long
Target: 1 living creature
Duration Instantaneous
Saving throw: Fort partial
Spell restance: Yes

To Develope 951,000 GP, 21 days, 39,950xp Seed Slay 25, Transport 27, Factors,increase save DC by 20 dc 40,decrease casting time to 1 action dc 20

A stream or black energy streams forth from the casters hand instantly killing the target. If fort save is madethe target takes 3d6+20 dammage. if the save is failed the subject is pulled from the time stram for 1d4+1 rounds. Any actions taken by the target in the preceding rounds are instantally negated.

ok that's it tell me what ya think. BTW this is the first epic spell I have crafted so I know there are errors just not sure where

EDITED: added a few words to make my nagging friend happy about the wording

 

[Arravis]

*bump*

I'd like to see an opinion from you guru's on this one .

 

[Arravis]

So no negative opinions? Does it look by-the-book? I expected a storm of "no way!" shouts, lol.

 

[Jeremy]

ooOOO A bookkeeping nightmare.

A stream or black energy? You can pick?

I prefer, "a stream of searing white light like liquid fire". But then I also prefer burned out of the "time stream" for 1d4 rounds per caster level.

Totally useless commentary but I do like the idea of balefire as a very epic plot device.

 

[Arravis]

Personally, I think it would be better if its "undo" power only affected the round it was cast in. And yes... it does seem to have more then it's share of grammatical errors, lol.

 

[clark411]

I would increase the Spellcraft DC if for no other reason than the fact that the Balefire is type "Lost" according to the Wheel of Time campaign book.

Then again, the original spell wipes the target out of all of existance (including everything he's ever done.. ever, rather than 12-30 seconds)... so this would be a good Balespark spell or mini-Balefire spell. =)

 

[Arravis]

Well, that would be so if someone was running a WoT campaign, but I suspect few are.

 

[dravot]

I'm confused.

If the target makes their fort save, they take 3d6+20 damage. If they fail, they are killed and are removed from the time stream?

Why do I want a corpse out of the time stream?

 

[HalfElfSorcerer]

I think what is meant that if the save is failed, the target dies, but it is as if he died 1d4+1 rounds ago, so any actions the target took in that time are negated and anything done by the target during that time is reverted to what it was 1d4+1 rounds ago. In short, a failed save means the spell goes back in time and kills the target a bit earlier than when the spell is cast.

 

[dravot]

Ah. I missed that. Thanks.

Hrm.

First of all, I'd have to say that it looks like a bookkeeping nightmare. Tracking what the target has done in the last d4+1 rounds (mostly in terms of damage, I think) would be cumbersome to some DM's.

Beyond that it seems balanced. I'm still not used to these 100+ spellcraft DCs