[OT] Hey there, Dr. Midnight, what's going on with your love life right now?

[Swack-Iron]

So, the score remains: no kiss, no hug, no touch, save for the time I shook her hand on Monday as we introduced ourselves. I'm so lost.

I'm wondering if the time spent later in the evening on her bed with her back to you was an unspoken request for cuddling/"spooning."

The sister's assessment that Alison's shy definitely seems true, though -- she's giving a lot of shy-girl signs. The big one, as I see it, is making sure you stick around her work, then inviting you back to her place to hang out, and showing you pictures and relaxing in her bedroom. Anyone who does that has at least some interest in either being your friend or being your lover.

It's a very good thing you left a note -- it shows you were thinking of her. You should contact her today just to say hi, if nothing else, and that you enjoyed last night. And the next time you see her, you definitely have enough ammunition to gently ask her what she thinks -- is she enjoying her time with you, would she like to spend more time with you? After getting the answers to those questions, you can gently bring up your confusion. Most of the third dates I've gone on the other person is at least willing to touch me a little, so it's reasonable that you're growing confused/concerned.

Good luck, mate!

 

[Lazybones]

Hey, this is better even than KotSQ...

Seriously, though, Doc, I spent most of my 20s in a confused haze when it came to women. I would meet someone, and then unload so many expectations and drama on each date that I never got anywhere. As I got older I learned that the trick was to just view each date as part of a larger continuum (this woman is just one of many, and if she doesn't work out it's on to the next). Once I learned to relax and acknowledge that every woman didn't have to be "it" then I actually had more success (and yes, I really enjoyed that Tao of Steve movie as it reflected a lot of my own experience).

It must have worked, as I'm getting married next October and the last two years have been the happiest I've ever been. And perhaps not coincidentally, when I was going out with her was the first time I was dating more than one woman at a time...

Best wishes,
LB

 

[qstor]

Good luck Doc. - Some comments. I think she's taking things slow. But next time your "snuggling" on the couch. Dive in for a kiss after looking deeply into her eyes! Girls like confident guys be a little agressive but not too agressive.
Dont push the gaming thing and lastly chill a little. Things seem ok..don't over analyze things. If she' still calls you then she is interested in you.


Mike

 

[Darklone]

Doc rules

I agree that she seems to be a shy one. You're confused, so is she. Not a problem, take your time. It'll work out one or the other way. Had a similar situation with a girl once and she's now one of my best friends.

Moderator? Move this to story hour

Just joking... Doc: Enjoy. Relax or dive into the thrill, whatever you do, it's ok.

To all the other loveheads out there: Good luck.

 

[Conaill]

Heck, that sounds just like what happened with a previous GF of mine. I walked her home from a party, we sat on her bed and talked, I tucked her in and watched her sleep, and left early in the morning. Turned out to be the start of some of the most blissful months of my life. (Followed by some of the most miserable months, but let's ignore that part for now. )

Months afterwards, she told me she really appreciated that I wasn't just out to jump her bones right away. If she's as pretty as you seem to think, she's probably had enough of guys like that, and is looking for someone she can trust and feel comfortable with.

Cuddling would have been a good idea. That sorta removes a lot of the confusion on both sides. Keep in mind that she may be just as confused as you are. So far, I think you're ahead on points. Just take it slow and enjoy the butterflies...

 

[Cloudgatherer]

This is like story hour....

Seriously, this is a RL story hour. I've enjoyed reading thus far and wish Dr Midnight the best of luck in this endeavor.

 

[Taren Nighteyes]

Dr Midnight,

Well, that was quite confusing. Kinda mixed signals. Let me give you my psychological analysis of the situation. (Feel free to ignore me

Nervous people tend to act excited and "blurt" out responses. Her apparent excitement at the idea of you leaving was probably more like a blurt than any real desire to have you leave. She probably realized this after the fact and offered the "nap" as a recovery. (Just my opinion - but it would make sense to me)

As for the defensive posture - Holding/spooning was probably desired, but if she is a shy person, than she was probably trying to avoid looking you straight in the eye while laying on the bed. I prefer eye contact (one of the biggest tell-tale signs of what a person wants), but some people have to feel relaxed and more comfortable before that becomes a possibility.

A light massage - nothing sexual unless obviously wanted - would probably have been alright as well - also a good way to keep yourself awake and have fun.

Anyhows....don't forget to thank her for letting you "sleep over". Tell her you were tired (still recovering from the asian flu , and you would like to take her to something/somewhere she would like to go - assuming your both still interested.

(Don't be afraid to say "This place is boring me to death. You wanna get out of here?")

Taren Nighteyes

 

[number6]

Next time you are hanging out with her....give her a shoulder/neck rub. If it is more comfortable for you ask if she would like one first, but no-one in their right mind (barring serious psychological issues about touching that you should be informed of at this stage anyway) passes up a free massage. Plus it will relax her and maybe get her into more of a comfort zone and maybe get her to be a little more conversational. If you are a bad massager (or don't know what the heck you are doing) get a good book on shiatsu and practice on friends and family members first. It has been my experience that harder is better than softer but don't try to "prove your strength" or anything. Firm is the key word. Good Luck Pal!! We are all cheering for you...and remember is this doesn't work out there are plenty of fish n the sea.

p.s. Don't be afraid to "push the boundaries" a little and go in for a kiss or snuggle. Most women expect men to make the moves and if we don't then it just confuses them...they end up feeling unwanted or unsure of wether we find them attractive (even with very attractive women it is common for them to have issues about their body and looks....our society is very screwed up that way. This very attractive (and thin) girl at work the other day was commenting on how she had broken her diet over spring break and would never lose that extra 5 pounds..I can't see an extra pound on her anywhere...)

P.P.s. Don't go too fast and too far sexually until you really know this girl...it is too easy to get all wrapped up and not realize that you and this girl are not compatible in any way but sexually. It really makes for a bad situation...trust my bitter experience on this one.

 

[Sammelsurum]

Oh, are we talking about ideas for what to do on the date?

I have one idea that I´ve always dreamt about doing, if I really was in love for a girl.
Buy a ride in a balloon and have a picnic in the sunset complete with wine and those red- and white-squared tablecloth.

Can´t be done if she´s afraid of heights though...

And of course it has to be done with some humour, wouldn´t want my future wife-to-be run away, scared that Im going too fast, and want to marry her or anything.

Are there any women on these boards? What do you think of my idea, would it hit off?

 

[byxbee]

It's obvious she likes you Doc. Nobody lets somebody up in there room and has them sleep over if they aren't comfortable.

You've made some big strides since your earlier, uncertain posts.

Take it slow and this will progress. You'll be glad you didn't rush into it too quickly. A lot of times if you rush things, the girl or you will feel strange about it later, which could ruin a lot of potential happiness.

Better to take things slow and enjoy the rewards later than ruin things by being too fast.

Now that she's let you into her life, you should probably let her into yours a little bit. Cook dinner at your place (hide the monster manual!!).

If the dinner angle doesn't work for you, try a comedy club. This is great for assessing a persons sense of humor and also ability to deal with sometimes distrurbing subject matter (if she can't handle minor sex jokes, she might not have much experience or comfort level with sex). (If she laughs at all the ex-boyfriend jokes, well...)

But most of all, relax and have a good time. She's a wonderful human being who likes to be with you, and that's the best feeling of all. (the alternative is more nights spent with your gaming group, who are probably wonderful people, but probably not the cuddly type).