Pineapple Express: Someone Is Wrong on the Internet?

[overgeeked]

So extreme social anxiety, main hobby is RPGs, and despise what is effectively the only game in town. Sounds like the choices are learning to love the One Game to Rule Them All, learn to love solo play, or get a new hobby. None of those are great choices.

 

[CleverNickName]

So extreme social anxiety, main hobby is RPGs, and despise what is effectively the only game in town. Sounds like the choices are learning to love the One Game to Rule Them All, learn to love solo play, or get a new hobby. None of those are great choices.

Every person is different, and I'm not qualified to diagnose or treat anything more serious than a papercut. But that said: some of my friends have anxiety issues, and they really enjoy online play. There's something about the computer screen that lets them interact with others, without triggering their anxiety. One of them described it as being "close-but-not-too-close."

So with that in mind, Roll20 has a lot of support for dozens of different TRRPGs...not just D&D, and not just 5E. And they have a "Looking for Group" feature that lets you search for new games to join, host, or both. And I'm sure Roll20 isn't the only service you can use...I think FantasyGrounds also has a similar feature.

It's not a magic fix-all for gamers with anxiety, but maybe it's a 4th option on your list of choices?

 

[Thomas Shey]

Some of my worst gaming experiences (including a very recent breakdown of a group) are based around one person actively disliking the game that was being played, but deciding to "stick with it" and effectively making the game less enjoyable for everyone else.

Whether its a benign result for other people is a separate question. Some people are good at tamping down any bleedover of their dislike of a system with other people; some not so much.

There's a problem made in hell situation (which I've been in in the past) where you have an established group, really want to run for that group, the group generally likes to play together but every campaign and game system you come up with seriously puts off someone. Usually at some point someone will just decide they can tolerate whatever system it is, but as you say, it tends to impact their pleasure with the game and that usually leaks out and negatively impacts the rest of the group to some degree.

 

[Thomas Shey]

This is certainly true, but there's different levels of to it.

It's one thing to play a game that wasn't your first choice, but you go along with it and try to keep an open mind because at the end of the day, it's just a game.

It's another to agree to play a game that you know you aren't going to enjoy, but you suffer in silence and try to enjoy other aspects of game night (like catching up with friends, the snacks, the night off work) so that you don't spoil the evening.

And it's something else entirely to agree to play a game you don't like, with the intent to complain constantly and loudly the whole time about it, and make everyone else regret sharing their favorite game with you.

The first two examples are fine, but that last one is a problem. And it's not a problem with the game.

There's a more complicated version of number three though; where the person doesn't go in trying to be a problem, but just can't entirely hide their unhappiness, especially when stressed by something in the game.

 

[Thomas Shey]

Most people seem to think when they say it’s their final word on a topic that means everyone else should stop talking about it. It’s a weird one.

Yeah. My usual comment is "If you want a conversation to stop, just--stop. If you're unwilling to be the one to do that (because someone else will get a last word in) don't expect someone else to do it for you."

I mean sometimes I'm not good at letting it go, but then I'm not going to complain that someone else wouldn't.

 

[Thomas Shey]

I’ve never felt I was a bad bad gamer, but definitely had times my heart wasn’t in it and knew it impacted the experience. As in nothing offensive just sort like an anchor to the group keeping them weighed down. Once realizing this I started politely excusing myself from those situations.

Though, oddly, the last time I did it, folks took it personally. “Why are you breaking up the group?” They kept asking. I told them I was one of 4-5 and not the group. On one hand it felt good to be wanted in the group, on the other it felt bad that they took exception to me stepping aside.

Some people find someone stepping out of a game very disruptive for a variety of different reasons. Doesn't mean they should complain to you about it, but its a reason for them to feel bad about it.

 

[Thomas Shey]

So extreme social anxiety, main hobby is RPGs, and despise what is effectively the only game in town. Sounds like the choices are learning to love the One Game to Rule Them All, learn to love solo play, or get a new hobby. None of those are great choices.

Though these days, the "effectively the only game in town" means inability or unwillingness to play remotely, too. Which there can be legitimate reasons for, but its less of a no-win than it was about a decade ago.

 

[RealAlHazred]

Nobody else reply to this thread, so @Thomas Shey gets the last word!

EDIT: Damnit!

 

[Mad_Jack]

Absolutely here: My sarcasm will get me banned, if I'm lucky. Tarred and feathered and run out of town on a rail if I'm somewhat unlucky. Thankfully, I know how to use the Backspace key and am comfortable keeping most thoughts to myself, no matter how funny I think they are. This is Survival of the Mute!

Jack keeps Jack's thoughts in Jack's head, where they can't scare anyone but Jack...

At least you didn't try and set your face on fire this morning...

Not today, but setting myself on fire is looking good for tomorrow...

Yeah, just blowing dust out of our ancient gas heater this morning because we hadn't used it in several weeks, and didn't expect the pilot light to light the dust up by itself. Having my face down where I could see what I was doing was not my best plan there...

Well, you didn't suffer any permanent damage, so whatever doesn't kill you makes for a cool war story...

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye - then it's a real party.

 

[CleverNickName]

There's a more complicated version of number three though; where the person doesn't go in trying to be a problem, but just can't entirely hide their unhappiness, especially when stressed by something in the game.

Yep, I've seen that in real life. There are probably even more examples than the four presented. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there comes a point when The Game is no longer the problem.

For me, that point is when someone's dissatisfaction starts ruining someone else's enjoyment. Weaton's Law, and all that.