Why do women send mixed signals?

[Teflon Billy]

People need to just be honest with what the do and say. I always tell people that I need honesty above all else. But when I find out someone close has upset me and they were not truthful, I'm more mad at the fact they lied to me then whatever was the orginal fight was about.

See that right there is what I'm talking about. You don't get to dictate other people's behaviours.

You claim you need honesty above all else, and most people would agree that that's a decent policy. No problem so far.

Except what you mean by needing honesty is that if they ever say they are going to do anything (like send you an email) and fail to do so, you feel incredibly betrayed.

This is not the way 99% of the world works, and if you think "People need to just be honest with what the do and say" includes telling someone's Girlfriend that they called another girl a "10", or flagellating yourself because you forgot to send someone an easygoing email, then I'm afraid you are going ot be alone for a long time. People out ther ein the world don't behave that way, don't expect others to, and would I think feel very, very trapped if someone demanded they act that way.

Here is basically the way it is (and it's not news you are going to like): People lie.

They lie constantly.

They tell people they love that their hair looks nice when it doesn't. T

hey tell people their kids are cute when they aren't. They claim to have a headache to beg off a lunch engagement that they just don't feel like going to.

And everyone accepts that.

No one needs "to just be honest with what the do and say". That creates a huge amount of hurt feelings that benefit no one. No one at all.

I correct myself. It might give a certain benefit to those who can't engage in "Small Talk"...but they are a infinitesimal minority and I don't see the world changing dramatically to suit them.

The option of changing to suit the world, however, is available.

Like I say, you only get to dictate your own behaviour.

 

[KenM]

doing any type of social activity and you are obviously having fun
Best of luck, don't get discouraged,

Llaurenela

Thats just it, I don't have fun with any large group of people. I don't see the need to sociallize like that and BS each other. Whats the point? So I can stroke my own ego? So I can feel "normal'? I am normal, IMO. If people don't like me or think I'm weird becuase I don't talk muck. Its they're loss. I'm already discouraged.

 

[Harmon]

Been with the same woman for.... a long time . Married just ten years though.

One of the greatest things I ever did was read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It so helped us communicate its amazing. Everyone that I know that has tried to read it and said its crap has been divorced at least once, some are working on number three.

Do not force your efforts Ken. Call her once, talk to her, ask her out, she has other plans, try again next week. Try once more the following week. After the second brush off give her your number, and say- "give me a call when your free and we'll do coffee or something."

Wait a week. No call. Your done, move on.

If you get the "lets be friends," line. Say "thank you, but I was looking for something stronger then that. I wish you the best things life can give you." Don't be angry, don't slam the phone down, and don't call her again unless she calls you first.

Never play games with a woman. The rules are ever changing, just be honest, patient, kind and considerate. Eventually you will find one. Don't be possessive, don't yell and scream, you only appear to be a psycho after that.

Oh, last thing- never ever take advice about women. No one has a clue what they want- not even women.

 

[KenM]

Like I say, you only get to dictate your own behaviour.

I agree with you there. My behaviour is not associating with people that lie. I will not lie and say I like something/ someone when I don't. I won't pretend to be socailable at a party when all I really want to do is go home and not have to put up with peoples stupid. petty talk. One of my old GF's loved large get togethers. I hated them. I would just sit in a corner and watch. My GF would get mad at me for not getting to know people. I would say "why? I don't want anything to do with these people, this is a waste of time. You know I don't like these kind of things." this was before I was diaganosed with AS. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not, for anyone.

 

[reveal]

I agree with you there. My behaviour is not associating with people that lie. I will not lie and say I like something/ someone when I don't. I won't pretend to be socailable at a party when all I really want to do is go home and not have to put up with peoples stupid. petty talk. One of my old GF's loved large get togethers. I hated them. I would just sit in a corner and watch. My GF would get mad at me for not getting to know people. I would say "why? I don't want anything to do with these people, this is a waste of time. You know I don't like these kind of things." this was before I was diaganosed with AS. I'm not going to pretend to be someone I'm not, for anyone.

I get what you're trying to say and I think it's unfortunate you feel this way. If you expect someone to be perfect, even yourself, and they're not, you're going to be extremely disappointed and depressed. I know you didn't actually say you expect a person to be perfect, but, IME, the only people who never lie are perfect...and I've never met a perfect person.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Been with the same woman for.... a long time . Married just ten years though.

One of the greatest things I ever did was read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It so helped us communicate its amazing. Everyone that I know that has tried to read it and said its crap has been divorced at least once, some are working on number three.

Do not force your efforts Ken. Call her once, talk to her, ask her out, she has other plans, try again next week. Try once more the following week. After the second brush off give her your number, and say- "give me a call when your free and we'll do coffee or something."

Wait a week. No call. Your done, move on.

If you get the "lets be friends," line. Say "thank you, but I was looking for something stronger then that. I wish you the best things life can give you." Don't be angry, don't slam the phone down, and don't call her again unless she calls you first.

Never play games with a woman. The rules are ever changing, just be honest, patient, kind and considerate. Eventually you will find one. Don't be possessive, don't yell and scream, you only appear to be a psycho after that.

Oh, last thing- never ever take advice about women. No one has a clue what they want- not even women.

And don't keep your hopes up too high until she does agree to a date. Because if you do and she keeps "brushing you off", you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

[der_kluge]

My wife, who is a therapist, suggests that, for someone with Aspergers, getting a book like http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_1/002-4759166-9894413?v=glance&s=books which might help you understand the games women play a little bit better.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

So I should go to a party with a couple of male and female friends and a dog and I'm set? LOL

Yeah...and if you know someone with a baby, borrow it. When my son was an infant, women would crawl over themselves to see him if I was somewhere alone with him. A friend of mine actually asked to watch him if we'd go to the mall. He got three phone numbers.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

Like I say, you only get to dictate your own behaviour.

Even with the funny Canadian spelling, he's right!

 

[Sigdel]

You are more likely to find someone if you stop trying and just let it happen naturally.

Bullcrap. I will say it again in you didn't hear me the first time. Bullcrap.
Wow, I am so freakishly bitter, even I can't find any humor in it. Bullcrap.