A letter in Dragon Magazine

[The_Universe]

Make that statement as the first reply (the "greet") on any thread in any forum of this board. See what the response is from the poster and from the mods.

Now we're comparing apples and oranges, no? Messageboards have no way of communicating vocal tone, facial expression, or a host of other factors that go into what I generally consider "real" communication. Of course I'm not going to start every thread with "I hate you!"

Not only are people unlikely to be able to tell if I'm kidding (smilies being notoriously unreliable), but they're also not actually my friends. They are, at best, acquainted with something I may have written in the past, which can hardly be said to encompass even a rough majority of my personality traits, general habits, etc.

If you *were* my friend (and I tend to think you *could be* if we ever actually met) I'd probably joke around in much the same way - friendship isn't just hand-holding and compliments, unicorns and rainbows, etc. At the very least, it isn't with the people whom I actually consider friends.

While you certainly sound reasonable in avoiding a "friendship" apparently based around the fine art of the "nutslap," you certainly *do* seem oversensitive when a playful insult among friends would raise your ire enough to drive you away. Perhaps my perspective is skewed - it may be that I have a vastly thicker skin than most, and so do most of my acqaintances. But then again, maybe I'm not the statistical outlier. Just maybe.

 

[reveal]

...friendship isn't just hand-holding and compliments, unicorns and rainbows, etc.

It's not?

 

[The_Universe]

It's not?

Now don't cry, little buddy! Why look - there's a rainbow over there! And it's smiling at you!

 

[reveal]

Now don't cry, little buddy! Why look - there's a rainbow over there! And it's smiling at you!

 

[The_Universe]

And to think just 4 posts ago I was criticising the expressive power of smilies...

 

[Aeson]

you two get a room.

 

[HellHound]

While you certainly sound reasonable in avoiding a "friendship" apparently based around the fine art of the "nutslap," you certainly *do* seem oversensitive when a playful insult among friends would raise your ire enough to drive you away. Perhaps my perspective is skewed - it may be that I have a vastly thicker skin than most, and so do most of my acqaintances. But then again, maybe I'm not the statistical outlier. Just maybe.

Among my friends, insults are held back for when we are actually ANGRY with one another. Never light-heartedly because... well... insults are insulting and we've got enough faults (at least my friends and I do) without having our friends beating on us.

 

[Nail]

Possibly for guys under 25. I'm closing on 40, and if a friend said that to me, I'd respond, "If you mean that, I'll leave. If you don't mean it, don't say it."

Sure, there's the occassional, "You suck!" when someone takes a strategic territory in Risk, or something. Or the occassional calling of "B---h" to emphasize a statement. But there is rarely flat out insults and verbal assaults among friends I would hang with.

That's been my experience too, in 3 different gaming groups over the last 4 years.

Back On-Topic: The primary difference in treatment I've seen between guys and girls is the Rules-set. Usually the women defer to the men on how the rules work. Usually, though not always.

 

[Quasqueton]

friendship isn't just hand-holding and compliments, unicorns and rainbows, etc.

I feel that friendship lies somewhere between, "You're stupid, we hate you, and you're stupid" and "hand-holding and compliments".

You have gone from saying, "Guys tend to show affection by being jerks to each other...." and "I used to great one of my best friends in college by saying..." to "a playful insult among friends". It's like you are toning down your statements to make them seem less jerkish.

Quasqueton

 

[Henry]

If you *were* my friend (and I tend to think you *could be* if we ever actually met) I'd probably joke around in much the same way - friendship isn't just hand-holding and compliments, unicorns and rainbows, etc. At the very least, it isn't with the people whom I actually consider friends.

In my experience, males in the southeastern U.S. have raised friendly insults to an art-form (cue Jeff Foxworthy)

However, people hear it all the time: We even give on these forums the highest compliment of "Rat Bastard" to the Dungeon Master who is the most challenging and clever, do we not? Among my high school and college friends, we would curse like sailors towards one another, especially when... er, beverages were flowing freely. And that's not to mention (but won't discuss) the subject of slurs and epithets among protected groups...