D&D vs. Real Life

[MerakSpielman]

In D&D your DM assigns a point-buy system so that nobody has a stat under 8.

In real life everybody has at least one dump stat. Perhaps more. And chances are they didn't get a coresponding high score to compensate for it.

 

[Chaotic Archon]

In D&D when I have a life changing encounter, I usually go up a level

In real life, I end up crying with comfort food and a blankie



In D&D it's exciting to recreate yourself with new class levels and races

In real life I barely have the enthusiasm for a different hairstyle and new jeans.


In D&D I can entrust a message to a paige who will ride across the land and fight off evil to make sure the message goes through.

In real life, it depends on how many bars my cell phone gets.


In D&D some magic items work when you wiggle your fingers and expend a charge.

In real life, magic fingers wiggles when you expend a quarter.


In D&D it doesn't matter what race you are if you're level 20. People still respect you.

In real life, well..


In D&D I can cast a spell that makes people laugh for 1 round per level of the caster

In real life I have to resort to fart humor that usually lasts for 1 round per burrito.

 

[Tinker Gnome]

In D&D I have to have a high ability score in order to do something well.

In real life I can do something well because I know I can.

 

[Hawkeye]

In D&D, playing a Cleric my healing spells can bring a person from the brink of death and my ability to raise the dead can bring back those that can't be healed.

In RL, I am happy if my save rate is 50%.

Hawkeye

 

[Delemental]

In D&D, going into a "rage" gets me a bonus to my Strength and Constitution.

In RL, going into a "rage" gets me six months of mandatory anger management therapy.


In D&D, all I need to go really fast is a shaving of licorice root.

In RL, all I need to go really fast is a fine white powder, and a straw.


In D&D, my wizard character routinely consumes live spiders, handles bat guano, and keeps rotten eggs in his pocket.

In RL, I'm grossed out by "Fear Factor".


In D&D I can go through my entire life with the same set of traveler's garb.

In RL I can't even wear the same shirt two days in a row.

 

[Prince of Happiness]

In D&D, I've hardly ever gotten to use the "Bluff" skill, much less succeed.

In real life, I get a job, and pretty much everything!

 

[Feathercircle]

In the Planescape campaign I'm in, I play a friendly, shy illithid with a fondness for fish and a tendancy to be overly apologetic.
In real life.... I'm much the same, only without the tentacles. (And the angst.)

In Planescape, my favorite cube is a rogue modron.
In real life, my favorite cube is a Tide Rapid Action Tab.

In Planescape, the subject of Shemeshka's gender occasionally provokes discussion, confusion, and/or jokes.
In real life, this continues to be true.

In Planescape, my character is best friends with the cleric.
In real life, I find myself growing more and more disgusted with organized religion.

In Planescape, we've had to delay leaving Sigil because we couldn't find the portal key.
In real life, I've had to delay leaving my dorm room because I couldn't find my keys.

In Planescape, I have a Charisma of 25 and a +22 to Diplomacy and can (and have!) successfully talk down an angry factol.
In real life, I find myself getting walked on because I avoid confrontations.

In Planescape, the medusa Sensate dreams of getting romantically entangled with my aforementioned illithid.
In real life, my DM has nightmares about the exact same thing.

In Planescape, I can spot the frost giant nearing us in the dark tunnels of Pandemonium before anyone else can.
In real life, I trip over the junk on my bedroom floor on the way to the lightswitch.


In Planescape, philosophy is pretty much unavoidable.
In real life, I'm avoiding my Philosophy essay by posting about Planescape.

 

[francisca]

*bump*

 

[WampusCat43]

In D&D, "diplomacy" is achieved with a die roll.

In real life, diplomacy is achieved by successfully interacting with another human being.

...while you stealthily flip the safety...

 

[wingsandsword]

In D&D, I have mastered the martial arts as a monk trained in a temple, and used those skills to thrash demons, vampires, and orcs.
In Real Life, I have a brown belt in martial arts as a college student who spent a lot of nights in practice in the loft of the campus gym, and I've used those skills on a handful of occasions to deal with muggers and angrily drunk dorm roommates.

In D&D I can learn a language fluently by just spending 1 or 2 skill points when I level up.
In Real Life, I'm still trying to learn Japanese after all these years, and my Spanish is bad but I can communicate basic things.

In D&D, if you're rich, you're high level, skilled, and talented.
In Real Life, you have Paris Hilton.

In D&D, going into the dwellings of your enemies, killing them, and taking their stuff is expected.
In Real Life, that gets you thrown in a very tough dungeon, with very powerful and well equipped guards, for a very long time.