Kahuna Burger
First Post
Umbran said:I don't think he's doing any such thing.
I don't always tell my wife what I had for lunch, or the details of every conversation I had with my coworkers. But that's not keeping secrets, it's just not cluttering up what little time we have together with irrelevancies.
A spouse is allowed to have interations with other human beings without discussing them in detail with their partners. So long as Rel has no intention of doing anything more deep than give the complement, then there is no "secret". That interaction does not infringe upon the husband-wife bond in the slightest. It is a non-issue.
Or, it should be a non-issue. If there's such a lack of trust between a married couple that a complement would be an issue, then that lack of trust is the problem, not the "secret".
I disagree that he's "not keeping secrets". You don't tell your wife what you had for lunch because it doesn't occur to you to mention it, therefore it is not a secret. But If you are talking to your wife and you think about something good you had for lunch then think "She would get mad if she knew I was breaking my diet" and thus decide to omit that peice of info that might have come up naturally, you are now keeping a secret.
Of course he's "allowed" to not tell her. But if the interaction is weighing enough on his mind to post about it here and has made a consious choice not to mention it to her, that qualifies, to me, as a kept secret. Throwing it onto a percieved lack of trust on the wife's problem or her making it an issue misses the point. His wife, as a girl he considers pretty, is the perfect person to ask how she would have felt in such a situation. But he has instead decided to keep it from her. Whether this is "ok" so as not to hurt her feelings is another subject. But its definitly a secret.