Do you tell pretty girls that they're pretty?

[Keryn]

First, I guess I should introduce myself - I'm Keryn, Reveal's wife. We've been married about 9 1/2 years.

Now, from a woman's perspective, I can tell you it makes my day to have someone compliment me, especially on my looks. I get my fair share of performance related compliments - "Wow, I couldn't have done this report without you!" or "Thanks for your help on this project." etc. I can't help but be flattered when someone notices something physical about me as a good thing.

As to whether the guy is hitting on the girl or not, I don't care. I can usually tell if a guy is being sincere or if he's flirting or more. But to be honest, it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm going to do anything because of it. For one, I'm happily married. But more importantly, even if you're hitting on a girl, she has a choice about whether or not to allow it to continue. You can flirt all you want, but if she doesn't encourage it, nothing will come of it.

Lastly, if Reveal were to give a compliment like that to a woman, I wouldn't care. Doesn't matter if he tells me or not. I know him well enough to know he ain't goin' anywhere. Plus, he sucks at flirting. But even if he had pumpkins as large and firm as Rel's, I wouldn't care if he told a pretty girl she had great eyes. Hell, I don't think I'd care if he told her she had a great ass and perky boobs. Now, I might object if he told her he'd love to rub his face all over them for hours and hours.

Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts. I have no idea how he'd take it, but I just don't bother complimenting men like that. I'll tell them I like their haircut, compliment the new shirt, etc., but not things like eyes or biceps.

Just two cents from the wife's chair.

 

[ForceUser]

Don't get us wrong, Rel. We're not criticizing you. We've all been there and done the same thing from time to time. Being attracted to other people is part of what makes us, in a micro sense, a community, and in a macro sense, human.

I'd like to reiterate that I think that there's nothing wrong with complimenting the young lady--heck, I do it all the time. For me, though, compliments are always an opportunity to gauge a reaction and go from there. It's like the opening move in a game of chess. I do love it so.

Of course, I'm single and on the prowl.

 

[fusangite]

A bunch of stuff

Reveal is a lucky man. How common do you think your perspectives are amongst women?

Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts. I have no idea how he'd take it, but I just don't bother complimenting men like that. I'll tell them I like their haircut, compliment the new shirt, etc., but not things like eyes or biceps.

Glad to know I'm not especially atypical here in not knowing how to take compliments about things that are not a function of choices I make.

 

[reveal]

Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts. I have no idea how he'd take it, but I just don't bother complimenting men like that. I'll tell them I like their haircut, compliment the new shirt, etc., but not things like eyes or biceps.

So all those "nice ass" compliments meant nothing?! All those years with the thighmaster for naught!

 

[Kahuna Burger]

I hate conversations that comment on how people look. I will compliment people on how they dress (provided the outfit looks intentional) because that's a choice they can make. I will compliment people on their obviously dyed hair (provided it is supposed to look obviously dyed) because that's a choice they can make. I don't compliment people on things about themselves they cannot control because there is nothing they can say back. And I hate it when people say anything to me about how I look (of course, I'm a guy so it's not really relevant here); it makes me very uncomfortable.

This is the way I prefer things as well. I don't want to be complimented on something that doesn't actually reflect on me as a person. I don't mind if my hubby says he likes the way I look, because thats a way of saying I make him happy. And, hey, I want him to be happy. But if anyone else says they like the way I look (which is what a physically based compliment boils down to) its just a mess of figuring out what their motivation is. bleh.

 

[reveal]

But if anyone else says they like the way I look (which is what a physically based compliment boils down to) its just a mess of figuring out what their motivation is. bleh.

Or it could be that they like the way you look and decide to say how nice it is. To think there's always some ulterior motive behind a compliment seems very jaded.

 

[Keryn]

Reveal is a lucky man. How common do you think your perspectives are amongst women?

I don't think my views are shared by too many women. I've just witnessed too many angry wives complain about their husbands visiting strip clubs to think my views are normal. I don't see a problem with my man enjoying beauty where he sees it as long the only bed he's in is mine. I know that's uncommon, but the point I should stress is that compliments are meant to make people happy. If you compliment a woman, don't worry how she'll take it. We often spend too much time analyzing motives. Just be sincere and she will be flattered...guaranteed.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Don't get us wrong, Rel. We're not criticizing you. We've all been there and done the same thing from time to time. Being attracted to other people is part of what makes us, in a micro sense, a community, and in a macro sense, human...

He knows we aren't ragging on him (I hope!)

I will say though that, judging from the time we spent together at Gen Con Rel, you are a fundamentally more friendly person than I am, so ther eis really no reason that our opinions on this might differ.

 

[Kahuna Burger]

If you compliment a woman, don't worry how she'll take it. We often spend too much time analyzing motives. Just be sincere and she will be flattered...guaranteed.

While I appriciate you sharing your perspective, you cannot (and should not attempt to) make any guarantees about how "a woman" will take a compliment. Particularly a physical compliment. I am rarely flattered by them, especially from people I do not know well.

 

[babomb]

Thankfully I've learned enough about women that I didn't compliment her by saying, "Your boobs and ass are fantastic and I assure you that, were I not married, I would delight in rubbing my face on them for hours."

"Wash, tell me I'm pretty."
"Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion."
"'Cause I'm pretty?"
"Yes, because you're pretty."

Oh, and giving men compliments...honestly, most of them don't care enough about their appearance for it to be meaningful. Tell a guy he has great eyes and he'll look at you like you're nuts.

Quoted for truth.