This thread shouldn't have been longer than 3 or 4 posts. Man, people like to debate.
B. He doesn’t want to listen to me checking every where we go for charcoal, asking about the charcoal market and organising charcoal deliveries for the next 7+ levels.
Your familiar could be a 7 foot tall charcoal golem
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If you are interested in "golemology " I highly recommend reading "iron council " by MievilleCharcoal golem....
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Yoink!