Head over heels for a girl.

[fusangite]

My advice is don't hold on to this, because it means holding on to hope that Someday! She! Will! Realize! You! Are! The! One!

I stand corrected Warrior Poet. I basically agree with everything you and Buttercup have said. It hadn't occurred to me how Ferret would read by 1% remark. I withdraw it.

It'll hurt, but that's o.k.

Yep. There's no way around pain. The reason adolescence is tough is because you haven't learned all the pain management routines you'll need later in life. The failure, heartache, etc. never really go away. It's just that as you age, you gain the skills necessary to manage that pain and put it in perspective.

When a woman says "it's not you, it's me" what she really means is "it is completely and totally you, but I'm trying to be polite." It is possible that she is scared, as you say. But if she is, she isn't scared of her feelings for you. She is scared of your over-intense feelings for her. Please believe me when I say that we women are not attracted to desperation.

Ferret, weight this statement appropriately. Buttercup is the only woman to have posted to this thread and what she has said here is the gospel truth. Print this quote out, fold it up and put it in your wallet. Take it out and read it whenever you see this girl.

And ignore Thunderfoot. I'm with BOZ: he didn't read your post thoroughly.

 

[Umbran]

A lot of people here whip out the word "obsession" a little too quickly.

In the beginning of most every romantic relationship, there's a period of infatuation. It is entirely normal, and don't let these folks tell you otherwise. Passion is the hallmark of new relationships.

That being said, "No" means "NO!". Reasons do not matter. Mixed messages do not matter.

It's a pain, but it'll pass, with time.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

That it wasn't me, it was her.

she liked me as a friend.

Let me translate from the womaneze.

1. It is me. As in I'm not attracted to you. (Buttercup also has a good translation).

2. Hysterical Laughter. (It'd be lass harsh).

Now happily married,

 

[Rel]

Ferret, listen to me very closely:

Don't get so wrapped up in this thing that you feel compelled to harm yourself or anyone else (namely her).

Sorry to be so dramatic about that point but I have a reason for making it and that reason is this: So long as you abide by that one piece of advice you pretty much cannot screw this up badly enough for it to hurt you in the long term.

You might just decide to distance yourself from her to dull the pain. And that'll be fine.
You might serenade her at midnight to prove your love only to have her reject you. And that'll be fine (although it won't feel fine at that particular moment).
You might decide to date her best friend to make her jealous. And that'll be fine.
You might give up on dating for a year out of frustration. And that'll be fine.
You might carry a torch for her for the next ten years. And that'll be fine.

Just follow that first bit of advice and this will work itself out. You've got too much time ahead of you for it not to.

 

[Ferret]

Thanks guys (and gals), I though my last post might have stoped the thread, but it didn't. You're great!

I do realised how I have exaggerated my emotions (in my mind and on here, this is only the second time I've asked a girl out), so I would go as far to say obsessed, but I am/was infatuated. I do realise that this isn't my only chance at a relationship, and i do have my whole life ahead of me. I'm not at the stage that I can't function without think about her, or that shes constantly on my mind, nor at a point when I would do stupid things to impress/realese my emotions. And just to clarify, when I said I cried I didn't mean I broke down into sobs, it was more like the one tear.

Honestly if we did get together she wouldn't be a trophy, she is genuinely good fun to be around just as a friend, and we do have quite a bit in common (Science, Rock music etc.). The other thing that made me think we might have had something, when we were both in a taxi (going to our next lesson, different school), and I was 'testing the water' at the start, I *nudged* up to her more and she did the same. Of course with was at least 6 weeks ago, so my mind might be playing tricks on me, making me think it was more then it is.

But now I know not to be an idiot and drool over her, and let it be.

[edit: Just to make it abundently clear, I'm not going to go and do something stupid, like self harm, or anthing like that. Worst I could do is go for one last try at asking her out, but that ain't going to happen thanks to the grounding you've given me.

 

[BOZ]

yes, you've been grounded! now don't come out of your room until you've learned your lesson!

 

[fusangite]

Glad we could help. Good luck with everything Ferret!

 

[Nuclear Platypus]

Listen to Buttercup. Buttercup is wise. And succinct. I am verbose. That is all.

Warrior Poet

It's only natural that Buttercup would know something about wuv, twue wuv.

Wandering in late, don't fret about it Ferret. Que sera, sera. 'Sides, when it comes to romance, its as if the universe conspires against you - the harder you look, the more time you waste on important stuff like gaming, breathing, vegetating in front of a tv screen or memorizing the secret names and origins of each member of Captain Napalm's Nuclear Legion of Liberty (Calvin n Hobbes reference). Oh and some frivolous stuff like classes, bills or employment.

 

[Torm]

From what I've read, I see a few possible paths for you from here:

1. You continue to pursue her with the same anxious nervousness as now. This will probably lead nowhere, and keep your stomach tied in knots.

2. You pursue her with complete dedication and self-sacrificing vigor, carefully avoiding the stalkerish qualities of always being physically present or nosy on the level of a private detective, while making clear your love and utter devotion to her well-being and the things she cares about. This will probably lead somewhere - but not necessarily a happy somewhere. The sort of somewhere that involves you still being devoted to her and miserable about it on occasion well after she has moved on.

3. You relax, just be her friend. I see this leading one of two places - either you remain good friends until your lives take you in separate directions at some point, or she suddenly starts to dig you now that you are no longer showing that sort of interest. This means either you were trying too hard and she likes you better when you're just you, OR, she's got some sort of problem and can't dig guys who dig her for some reason. This last one is something to watch out for.

4. You slowly begin to secretly and carefully manipulate matters so that her relationships with friends and family crumble apart, while you remain steadfastly at her side, gradually increasing your importance to her. You end up dead, in prison, or as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Probably all three.

Don't give up, though. Heck, I went with option 2 - the one that everyone else here will tell you doesn't work and means you're an idiot - at age 16, the girl and I were married when I was 17, and she's asleep behind me right now, 14 years later, while our kids are playing on the Gamecube in the next room. Of course, she did approach me, way back when. But regardless, you never know until you do.

(I should note that I tried option 2 with the girl I was crazy about at 14, too, and that ended badly for me - very badly. So much so that I still pine for her on occasion, and am fortunate to have a wife that is understanding. So the 'idiot' sentiment would probably be right. Usually. But - it's soooo romantic. )

 

[babomb]

Hooboy, does this thread bring back memories. Oh, to be 16 again! I would do so many things differently! I say this and I'm only 20, heh.

If it makes you feel any better, I think you're a little better off than I was then. I was so afraid of rejection I could never get up the nerve to ask a girl out, even when it was painfully obvious to everyone else that she was into me. Eventually, they'd figure I wasn't interested and go away. And THEN I'd realize, and... well, you get the idea. Being in these sorts of situations can cloud one's judgement.

There was this one girl I was into--we were friends, but it was pretty obvious she wasn't attracted to me. And she started seeing some other guy. I actually started wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it every time I caught myself thinking about her. It worked pretty well, but I still find myself thinking about her every now and then.

I'm still not that good with the ladies, but the mistakes I'm making are new and different ones, at least!

Don't worry; it'll get better. Just find something to take your mind off her. Play some D&D, hang out with your friends or something.