It's hard being an adult gamer

[fafhrd]

When someone goes through the trouble to set a table and run a game, I treat it as a gift. Someone who is willing to DM and runs an energetic game has my thanks and my attendance. I would bug you about opportunities to play or even just to talk about the campaign, but then I'm a gamer. I make gaming a priority. I can sympathize with your current cirumstances.

More and more I find myself in the role of DM because I'm the one with the strong love of the activity. If you can find gamers who don't have kids, your chances for impromptu get togethers increase drastically. Players who opt to play some x-box rather than getting their butts to the table aren't "too busy". They have set their priorities and they put gaming at or close to the bottom. In my experience, casual gamers are often the bane of long term campaigns. You need more Oryans at the table, and they can be harder to find.

 

[Joshua Randall]

I don't have any new insights to add that haven't already been added, but I do one to reiterate this point:

When you are an adult, you have to schedule your fun. It's counterintuitive, but it's true.

What's also true is that even a busy adult should be able to fit an every-other-week four-to-five-hour game session into his schedule. If he says he can't, he really means he won't. (Sure, once in a while someone will get crazy busy at work or have a sick relative or whatnot, but on a regular day-to-day basis, a normal person can still carve some hours out of his schedule for D&D.)

I think that adult gamers need to have adult conversations about scheduling. I think you need to be able to say that because of the nature of D&D, it requires a regular commitment -- unlike pick-up basketball or Texas Hold'Em which you can just play whenever. You need to agree that everyone will put the game on their calendar, and that the participants will notify each other well in advance of any conflicts. Furthermore, you need to agree that the scheduled game time will take precedence over trivial, unscheduled recreational activities. Finally, it is optimal to get each person's spouse / significant other to buy into the schedule. (And I really think most spouses appreciate knowing there is a regular, reasonable schedule -- as opposed to marathon 12-hour sessions that take up the entire weekend.)

Hmm. I've rambled on more than I meant to. I hope some of this helps.

 

[TroyXavier]

We had a heck of a time meeting till we all realized that we had Monday Tuesday and Wednesday mornings free. So we started gaming then. Has worked out quite well for the most part.

 

[SweeneyTodd]

I play biweekly (skipping a sesson every so often when people can't make it), and I've found that shorter sessions have helped a lot. A friend ran a weekly 8-hour marathon game a while back, and often it'd be weeks before we could get everyone in the room.

These days we play from 7 to 10 on a weeknight, so it's no more of a commitment than dinner and a movie. Then again, we play a rules-light system, and have very little combat, so more happens in a session than used to in those old 8-hour games. I highly recommend switching to a simpler system as an adult gamer -- we got everyone involved by dangling the d20 carrot, but something with less overhead worked much better for us in practice.

I've also been lucky that the game group is all friends (including my fiancee, lucky me). We get together more often than we would if we weren't gaming, but the session fills double duty that way.

As far as scheduling, I'd set a regular time and place, and send an email out earlier in the week asking for RSVPs. Unless several people can't make it, we go ahead whether or not everyone's present. My experience with "schedule as you go" games is that you end up dealing with the overhead of getting everyone on the same page, every single time.

 

[pogre]

I try to run my game every single Wednesday. We play from 7:30 PM to 10:30 PM. I signed up 8 players for the campaign in case some folks could not make it. We almost always have six and often eight. With guests we have nine or ten at the table on occassion.

Now, it wasn't always this good. A few years ago I had three players move away and it left me with a half empty gaming table. We just kept on inviting people to play until we found folks who hit our mix. It did mean on a few occassions I had to honestly tell folks they just were not fitting in with the group.

I think having a game on the same night every week has helped strengthen the game's attendance over the last three or four years. Players do not forget and they usually try to keep Wednesday nights open. The shorter playing time also means folks do not have to give up an entire day to game and it keeps the game very fresh.

Whatever you do, my advice is to keep inviting new people to the table - you'll find devoted players soon enough.

Good luck.

edit: I could have just written - ditto SweeneyTodd.

 

[LordBOB]

ask yourself this - How well do i really know my players?

If you answerd NOT AT ALL or ONLY PARTIALLY. Than your not going to be a good DM. You need to know the people behind the characters, Know what they want out of life. I know your supposed to leave your life out of the game but most people i know dont do that. Their characters do what they would do in real life.

You need to find what they like and add a little of it to your game. You could alternate some key plans or fights to a certain characters like. This might spark a player into wanting to get more involved and play longer.

dont go out and ask them what they would like to do. Start slowly and see how they respond to different situations.

 

[RedShirtNo5]

Finally, it is optimal to get each person's spouse / significant other to buy into the schedule. (And I really think most spouses appreciate knowing there is a regular, reasonable schedule -- as opposed to marathon 12-hour sessions that take up the entire weekend.)

I'll emphasize this. IME, it is completely mandatory as DM to get the spouse's buy-in on the time commitment, in terms of both actual sessions and prep time. Not doing this is an invitation to hurt feelings. Some of the few fights I've had with my wife have been when I didn't keep her informed of how much time I would need to prepare.

My gaming group is long-term friends now in our 30s. We've got full-time jobs, wives & kids. I found that weekends simply aren't a reliable option with a young child. So we do weeknights. We found 2 sessions/month to be too ambitious. About 3 weeknights/2 months seems to work just right. Basically, we have 1 night/month that is on a standard day, and 1 night/2 months that is "floating" and scheduled as we go.

Also, I found that I enjoyed DMing a smaller group, say 4 players at most. Play moves faster and everyone has a chance to participate. This is important when the session is at most 4 hours. Finally, I deliberately choose (and got player buy-in) for a fairly linear storyline where I would not have to do alot of preparation each week. I think folks are having fun; if I 'm so busy I forget to send out an email, I do get inquiries a few days before hand to check if the game is still on.

-RedShirt

 

[Elephant]

My groups both play almost every week. We set a regular time (right now, it's early Sunday afternoons) and try to stick with it - occasionally, there will be conflicts, but we plan on keeping the game in our schedules.

Of course, none of us have kids, so that doesn't cause as many problems. One guy had joined the Star Wars game for a couple of months, but then he and his wife had a baby, and we haven't seen him since...he's probably too busy to rejoin the game. It's too bad, he was a good player.

Anyway, moral of the story: If you want consistent games, plan them in your schedules. You'll need to find players who are interested enough in the game to do so, but once you get that set up, it's all golden.

 

[Turanil]

Is this a sign that I need to improve my game or is it really just part of being working adults?

Is it a bad sign also when the DM is always the one asking each week, "Anyone up for a game this weekend"? I would think if players wanted to play, they would be bugging me all the time about when we're going to play next. Or is that the difference of being young vs being adults now?

My opinion is:

1) As adults we have lost the "magic" it was to play when we were young. In fact, I noticed that it's the same about sex where I am concerned, which has lost the appeal it had 20 years ago...

2) If the DM has to beg for players to come, better to abandon the game, the age is no excuse.

 

[Berandor]

We also play only once a month, and scheduling is hard even when we already agreed on a specific date (the last sunday of the month). Our players have stressful jobs, three are married with young children, one is a roaming single

We're still having a lot of fun when we play, and I don't think I'm a bad DM, per se (though I do have weaknesses, like every DM does). Sometimes I rue the days when we played each week for hours and no end - but in the end, I need time besides preparing, too.