It's hard being an adult gamer

[DarrenGMiller]

I am 35 and almost alwayts DM. I have had a weekly game going since August, 2000. Sure we have missed weeks and taken time off between campaigns, heck I even had a group implode and ended up with no gaming for 2 months recently, but as a rule, I have a group of adults from ages 25-38 who show up pretty much every week. In 2002, we survived the transition from gaming store group to playing in players' homes. Out of the 17 players (plus myself) that showed up for that first session of character creation (only 12 actually made it to the gaming on week 2) on that August night back in 2000, 2 of them are still with me. One of those two didn't play his first session in the group until 2003 (he didn't come back after that first night until then). The other has been gaming with me every week since then, with the exception of missing pretty much 1 week per month due to work commitments and a brief time in which he needed to get his life in order and then come back (6 weeks). One of my other players has been with me since the gaming store (joined in 2001), except for a similar 6 week hiatus. Two of my current players joined the group this spring after responding to an online classified on a message board looking for new players after my group imploded (too many players not of my age group) and the remaining two joined last night.

What our the secrets of a lasting adult group?

I am not entirely sure, but I can tell you what keeps us going. First of all, we set a gaming night right away. We had to when we were THE 3rd Edition D&D Group of our FLGS (I was asked to run a game to help sell the new edition's books as they came out... there were some perks). We became the Monday Night Group. We game every Monday night from about 6-10 pm. We miss weeks occasionally due to work commitments (usually mine) and not everyone shows up every week, but more on that later.

When we left the gaming store, due to more revenue being generated my M:tG tournaments than people in my group buying new books, what kept us going was a message board/web site. Our Grand Strand RPG'ers site/board has been going since 2001. Once we left the store, it became instrumental in keeping us together. We have it at www.myfamily.com and it costs us $29.95 per year. We have tried to move, but that site is just too convenient to leave. Without it, coordinating things would be much more difficult.

Though our membership has been quite transient, we rarely cancel a game due to too few people to play. I try to keep the membership from 5-8, though I have been down to 4 and up to 12. Out of my current 7 players, several of them are part-timers. Adult careers and gaming ARE difficult to balance and with the professions involved in my game, it is VERY true in my group. I have a a firefighter, a police officer (also National Guard), a 911 operator/dispatcher, a dental appliance salesman, a hotel night auditor, a grocery store employee, a guy who works for a company that designs and reviews water utilities and wastewater treatment plants, and I am a high school teacher. Due to our employment circumstances, I don't have the same group every week. I will hold a session if I have three players, plus myself, available. Our rule on absenteeism is simple. If you leave your character, he will be run either by another player or as an NPC. He could die, but will get an equal share of XP and treasure. If you don't leave your character, he minds the camp, tends the horses, hangs back to guard the exit, etc. and doesn't have a chance to die or earn XP. This has been the best system for us out of the many methods we have tried.

I think gaming once a month would be harder for us, because I have found that a consistent commitment is psychologically easier to keep. As a high school band director, I rarely have absences from after school rehearsal when I can have it every other day or once each week. When I have to hold it every other week or once a month, absenteeism goes way up. Gaming seems to work the same way. The more frequent the commitment (up to what the members can support), the lower the absenteeism.

I have had people move away, quit, change jobs, etc. I search the FLGS's and internet message boards for new players in my area. I ask current players to bring friends if we need them. They are out there. When my game is at its best, my players are happy and talking about it at the FLGS and to their friends and word of the game spreads.

Good luck in finding a regular game and keeping it going. I hope some of my experiences can help.

DM

 

[MoogleEmpMog]

Everyone needs to miss a bi-weekly session once in a while; that simply makes sense. Other commitments come up, illness, etc.

No one - no adult - consistently needs to miss session after session. Actually, agreeing to play in a campaign at x time for y hours and then repeatedly failing to do so isn't adult at all. It's childish.

Unless these players all have the kind of jobs that require rapid and on-the-fly scheduling shifts, they should be able to make a biweekly game nine times out of ten, missing only for the very rare work-related emergency or the slightly-more-common family one.

People have more free time today than at any other time in history. If they choose to abandon their commitments, that's their problem - you should find players who are interested, and adult, enough to live up to their agreements on something approaching a regular basis.

 

[der_kluge]

My previous group was all 30-something professionals (more or less), and at times it was difficult. We had births (my daughter, and another couples), illnesses (my friend nearly died), and people missing games due to work, family coming into town, going on vacation, etc. I'm sure these are all fairly typical for people in the adult world.

My advice is this, be flexible. Our group typically gamed bi-weekly Saturday nights from 7 to midnight (or 1 if we felt so inclined), but sometimes we'd game on Sunday night, or maybe even a Friday night if could.

The other piece of advice is to make sure the GM (or someone so delegated) has good organizational skills. Our GM would sent out emails to everyone reminding them of the schedule, and we would work around conflicts for a couple of months in advance to make sure to minimize the conflicts, holidays, etc. That helped a lot as well.

 

[spectre72]

People have more free time today than at any other time in history. If they choose to abandon their commitments, that's their problem - you should find players who are interested, and adult, enough to live up to their agreements on something approaching a regular basis.

Where do you come up with the statement that people have more free time than any other time in history?

Maybe our group is the exception but very few of us work 9 to 5 jobs, with some of us on call 24 hours a day.

All of our wives work which means that we have to spend time after work cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn.

Most children are involved in many after school programs, which adds additional commitments for the parents.

I have done quite a bit of research on this while I was a volunteer fire chief and the statistics I saw suggested the exact opposite.

Take a look at volunteer organizations in your area and you will find most of them are begging for people to join because the average age is skyrocketing and membership is diving.

More commitments and less free time overall.

 

[DarrenGMiller]

People have more free time today than at any other time in history. If they choose to abandon their commitments, that's their problem - you should find players who are interested, and adult, enough to live up to their agreements on something approaching a regular basis.

There are people who would argue with this statement.

DM

 

[Miln]

Of course, now our regular DM/CK for the past year, Enworld's own Akrasia, is departing for Ireland, leaving this group of gamers DMless. We'll probably adapt, as almost all of us have DMed in the past, but if you can make it up to Emeryville every week, I might have a group of eager gamers for ya.

Not that I'm recruiting or anything.

seems like this might be your best option
http://maps.google.com/maps?q=San+Jose,+CA+to+Emeryville+CA&spn=1.001953,1.868015&hl=en

one hour is not that far to drive for a good game!

 

[Kanegrundar]

I can tell you, Moogle, that my free time has dropped ever since I got engaged. I'm a homeowner now, that means the occasional repair, the occasional upgrade, lots of yardwork, and so on. I drive an hour to work everyday (one way). That takes a lot out of me especially when I sometime don't get home until 8 or 9 at night after being up since 5:30 AM. My job demands a lot out of me, so there are quite a few times when I'm staying late either training new employees on the night shift I manage (on top of the day shift that I work with) or just catching up on my regular work. My soon-to-be wife is a middle-school band instructor, so I'm constantly going with her to band booster meetings, concerts, and such. Needless to say, my freetime is down to a few hours a week, which I ususally spend with my fiancee. Heck, last weekend, I only had an hour or so to spend on WoW! Now, my grandfather is splitting his time between the hospital and the nursing home, and it doesn't look good. My freetime is non-existant now.

I want to be able to make a regular game. I'd love to run a regular game again, but I barely have enough time to develop a couple pages of campaign information in a month to even think about that. I don't consider this childish, it's just a lot going on in a small space of time. There are things going on now that are a LOT more important than killing orcs and dragons.

Kane

 

[MoogleEmpMog]

People in prior eras dedicated a significantly greater percentage of their time to surviving.

I'll admit, in, say, 1950 or 1960, the average American, at least, had more free time. The number is skewed (from a modern perspective; you could make the case, probably a stronger one in a historical number, that the modern number is the aberration) because the vast majority of women didn't work. Not only did they personally have much more free time, which a great many dedicated to volunteer organizations, but their work in the home also freed up their husbands to have more free time. Marriage came younger and more commonly, divorce much less, so the familial dynamic defined free time. Meanwhile, prosperity meant fewer men had to work multiple jobs or long hours, and technology greatly reduced the burden of housework.

Prior to that period (itself an abnormality, as is the present day, in terms of unprecedented and widespread prosperity), men habitually worked more than eight hours and housework occupied a much greater percentage of women's time.

People have 'more commitments' today because of cultural constraints, not physical ones. As for the drop in volunteers, that is almost certainly a cultural rather than temporal change, albeit one likely related to the decay in family structure.

Most people admit to watching significant amounts of television every week - BAM, those people could be volunteering (or gaming) - they have no commitments in that time. Most people who would be interested in gaming admit to significant amounts of electronic gaming (ala the OP's World of Warcraft example) - BAM, those people could be volunteering, or gaming - they have no commitments, or different commitments, in that time. Reading a book? Volunteer or game. Watching a movie? Volunteer or game. Going to a sporting event? Volunteer or game. Volunteering? Game. Gaming? Volunteer.

A huge block of time is voluntary for modern people.

I'll give you that it's less than it would have been in, say, 1960; less, perhaps, than it would have been in 1970 or even 1980 when many families still operated under the historically normal structure. I'll even grant that the '50s and '60s were so radically culturally different that they could qualify as a different era.

 

[Miln]

I have seen some stories (on TV new magazine programs, 20/20, dateline, etc.) that have born out what Moogle is saying. We have less time only because we have made choices to fill up our time with certain things. These are choices we have made, not things forced upon us.

Some examples given were, bigger houses than in the past (more work time required), more new cars (more work time required), an increase in children's activities (more run around time for the parents). These are generally good things that we enjoy, but they are choices. These decisions all have a cost in time (which as they say is money).

Just some ideas as I have seen them reported.

 

[spectre72]

People in prior eras dedicated a significantly greater percentage of their time to surviving.

Surviving is relative term. If I have a $1000 a month mortgage payment then in a modern society paying that is surviving. In ages past Surviving may have meant planting grain.

Meanwhile, prosperity meant fewer men had to work multiple jobs or long hours, and technology greatly reduced the burden of housework. Prior to that period (itself an abnormality, as is the present day, in terms of unprecedented and widespread prosperity), men habitually worked more than eight hours and housework occupied a much greater percentage of women's time.

Again, this depends upon where you live and the type of employment you have. With the cost of living increasing faster than salaries are adjusted there are many of my friends who have had to take multiple jobs just to keep the bills paid. I am lucky that I have a decent job, but not everyone has escaped working at just above minimum wage. Technology has reduced the burden of housework, but where you had all day to do it before you now only have after work to get it done.

People have 'more commitments' today because of cultural constraints, not physical ones. As for the drop in volunteers, that is almost certainly a cultural rather than temporal change, albeit one likely related to the decay in family structure.

This is somewhat true, but commitments are physical (need money to pay bills) and cultural (take kids to baseball). You are also correct in that values have changed over the last 20 years or so and that has had a significant effect.

Most people admit to watching significant amounts of television every week - BAM, those people could be volunteering (or gaming) - they have no commitments in that time. Most people who would be interested in gaming admit to significant amounts of electronic gaming (ala the OP's World of Warcraft example) - BAM, those people could be volunteering, or gaming - they have no commitments, or different commitments, in that time. Reading a book? Volunteer or game. Watching a movie? Volunteer or game. Going to a sporting event? Volunteer or game. Volunteering? Game. Gaming? Volunteer.

A huge block of time is voluntary for modern people.

What I wouldn't give to have any of the items on that list consuming my time. TV watching is at most a couple of hours a week. Electronic gaming no way do I have time for that. Reading a book, maybe one book over the last year (5 minutes or so nightly before sleep). Watching a movie, Episode 3 was the only one in the last 9-12 months. Sporting event - no way.

Work every day and on call 24 hours a day. Volunteer firefighter with multiple meetings, calls, and training. Spend most weekends doing home improvement repair, our house had been neglected for 8 years before we bought it. Gaming once a month. Weddings, graduations, family events a couple times a month it seems. Add to that normal household cleaning and maintainance and taking care of my wife's mother and we are going every day from 8 AM to 9PM with the calendar booked months in advance.

And we don't even have kids yet!!!

It seems like there was a shift in the 1990's that took America toward the current amount of free time (real or percieved) that combined with a shift in values and beliefs to get us where we are today.

I am not disagreeing that people make choices about how to spend their free time, but I do believe there are more demands on it.