maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
I should be back home by late Friday night. Looking forward to the next round of stories.[/QUOTE said:
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Fall Ceramic Dm™ - Winner!
- Thread starter mythago
- Start date
Sialia
First Post
BardStephenFox said:
We had a really good time, and the best bit was not having to hit "send" and wait for a reply after each communciation. BSF in person is very much like his online voice, or at least, he played the part very convincingly.
Also BSF brought the Scampering Chaos a beautiful homemade dream catcher, and we hung it up over her bed before she went to sleep last night.
This morning, as soon as it was light, she asked me to check to see if she had actually caught any dreams in it.
At which moment I realized that BSG hadn't really described to her what the item was supposed to do . . . and actually had sort of demurred when I told her last night that the purpose of the thing was to sift out the bad dreams and only let good dreams through. "That's what some people say they do . . . " he had said.
I cannot now recall why I didn't ask him what the maker of this one said it does . . .
As a PC, I think I should know better by now than to disreagrd a rat bastard when he uses those kinds of italics.
Bit late now. Big front of dream weather hanging over us now. Guess we''ll find out the hard way . . .
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BSF
Explorer
*laugh*
I was very specific in not necessarily providing a direct answer. Why inhibit a child's creativity with a foreign perspective? For me, the joy was in the making, and the giving to your family. You have given me a fair amount of art over the years and I enjoyed creating something for your family.
Your daughter will come up with her own interpretation of the dream catcher and then it will fit exactly whatever need she wants it to fill. That will be influenced by how you have reared her. That she was excited about it made me happy.
I was very specific in not necessarily providing a direct answer. Why inhibit a child's creativity with a foreign perspective? For me, the joy was in the making, and the giving to your family. You have given me a fair amount of art over the years and I enjoyed creating something for your family.
Your daughter will come up with her own interpretation of the dream catcher and then it will fit exactly whatever need she wants it to fill. That will be influenced by how you have reared her. That she was excited about it made me happy.
maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
The Scampering Chaos is a perfect name for a child... Makes me feel I lacked creativity with my son's moniker, "Bunny"... (Which, by the way was an embarassing nickname by the time he got to mid-school.)
PS We are all used to BSF being inscrutable. It's what he does.
PS We are all used to BSF being inscrutable. It's what he does.
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maxfieldjadenfox
First Post
Bazz, how are you holding up?
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Sialia
First Post
Well, that big storm system blew over us last night. Now I know this is not a "storm" in the sense that anybody with real weather would call a storm. "Mild drizzle, with fog" is about what I would have called it, had I been awake.
But these weather systems that move in off the Pacific always bring pressure changes that cause strange dreams in those of us suceptible to such things.
I had a large bouquet of nightmares last night, ranging from ebola on the new Battlestar Galactica kills pretty much everybody, to one about needing to file lions. ("File" as in I'm a records manager and I'm in charage of rounding up all the unlabelled adult male African lions running loose around my office and getting them indexed and put away in thier proper filing cabinets.) That sort of nonsense--you get the idea.
Anyway, after a hideous night of about five of these--and several incidents of waking up sweating and gasping-- I staggered in to see the Scampering Chaos this morning. She says to me: "Mom, I think this dreamcatcher needs new batteries."
"Did you have nightmares?" I asked her.
"No, but I had one really weird dream," she says.
I had a sudden image of the poor charm hanging there bulging at the strings trying to hold back what blew through our house last night.
She describes how things went from strange to bizarre, and then just as they were about to get scary, the dream ended. " . . . And that's when it must have started working again," she concluded.
"In that case," I replied, "it's probably working just fine, and probably doesn't need new batteries. I'll bet it worked pretty hard last night."
She leaned over "It doesn't actually have batteries, Mom," she whispered, "I was just sayin'."
"I knew what you meant," I replied, amused both by her imagery and by her literalness.
In any case, my batteries are all fueled up with images to shake the soul now, so I'm ready for posting images anytime. Four or five picture beads, and a web of gut . . . let's just see what dreams dare come.
But these weather systems that move in off the Pacific always bring pressure changes that cause strange dreams in those of us suceptible to such things.
I had a large bouquet of nightmares last night, ranging from ebola on the new Battlestar Galactica kills pretty much everybody, to one about needing to file lions. ("File" as in I'm a records manager and I'm in charage of rounding up all the unlabelled adult male African lions running loose around my office and getting them indexed and put away in thier proper filing cabinets.) That sort of nonsense--you get the idea.
Anyway, after a hideous night of about five of these--and several incidents of waking up sweating and gasping-- I staggered in to see the Scampering Chaos this morning. She says to me: "Mom, I think this dreamcatcher needs new batteries."
"Did you have nightmares?" I asked her.
"No, but I had one really weird dream," she says.
I had a sudden image of the poor charm hanging there bulging at the strings trying to hold back what blew through our house last night.
She describes how things went from strange to bizarre, and then just as they were about to get scary, the dream ended. " . . . And that's when it must have started working again," she concluded.
"In that case," I replied, "it's probably working just fine, and probably doesn't need new batteries. I'll bet it worked pretty hard last night."
She leaned over "It doesn't actually have batteries, Mom," she whispered, "I was just sayin'."
"I knew what you meant," I replied, amused both by her imagery and by her literalness.
In any case, my batteries are all fueled up with images to shake the soul now, so I'm ready for posting images anytime. Four or five picture beads, and a web of gut . . . let's just see what dreams dare come.
mythago
Hero
Rodrigo Istalindir
Sialia advances by default.
With all due respect to Macbeth and bilbiophile, this would have been a tough story to beat in any event. The giuthi metaphor is perfectly executed, absolutely essential to the story; in fact, it *is* the story. And just when you think that it's been played out, the contrast with chess takes it to another level entirely. This is a near-perfect Ceramic DM entry, one where the story seems to effortlessly incorporate the pictures without strain or accomodation. Much like Michelangelo once explained his sculpting by saying "I just carve away anything that isn't art", this story seems like it was waiting for Ceramic DM to be told.
It serves equally well as a revenge tale as political commentary, and neither the pathos nor the politics comes across as heavy handed. It is sufficiently set in the real world but isn't so explicit that the world becomes more important than the character's place in it.
Picture use is excellent. The giuthi board permeates the entire story. The warning sign is part of a critical scene, and works both to set the stage for the murder of Pari's father as well as a Helleresque observation of the totalitarian state. The girl behind the loom captures the Pari's (understandably) skittish nature. 'Interrupted' is a little off, and a little too abstract or dream-like. The hawk is the weakest of the bunch.
An excellent story, Sialia. Bravo.
BardStephenFox
Macbeth & Bibliophile were, sadly, unsubmitted.
Sialia - Untitled
Curiosity; loss; sadness; trepidation; loneliness; abandonment; pain; bitterness; vengeance; resolve. You evoke all of these feelings within a short space of time. I marvel at your ability to do this and I envy your skill. I did not expect this story to move me in this manner when I began reading it. But you did.
I can go on about the quality of the story or the style of writing, but to be honest this story isn't directly competing against something else. So I will focus on how it made me feel. You elicited an emotional reaction, and that is good.
Picture use is not quite as strong as some of your past stories. You already know that though.
The strongest picture, by far, is glow. You weave this through the entire theme of the story.
Weft and Warning are both relevant pieces. I like the picture integration for Weft better. But I think Warning is a stronger picture because of the emotional attachment of Pari losing her father.
Hawk is definitely a bit of a stretch.
Interrupted is difficult. (I bow to Mythago's picture picking skillz.) I like the imagery from your writing rather than the picture. This leads me to believe that the integration isn't very strong. I can easily see where the picture provided inspiration. I can imagine how this is more the image in Pari's mind. But it is a stretch for me.
This is a very moving story. It is a shame that there isn't anything to compare it against this round.
MaxfieldJadenFox - Elemental
OK, we are looking at a story told in First Person. First person can be risky, but this is Ceramic DM. Why play conservative?
It is an interesting story. I have one or two problems with it. Most notably, the irreverence in which the protagonist addresses her Sensei. I was expecting a much more conservative interaction based on my limited experiences with friends involved with various martial arts forms. This is not to say that you can't have characters with an informal relationship between student and sensei. I only point it out because you should be aware that you are using language that may be loaded with assumptions by the reader. This can work to your advantage as you turn these assuptions over and upside down. It can also work to your disadvantage. Just be aware of it.
The other problem I have is that most of the events don't really take place. Or maybe they do? Using a mystical journey can kind of be a cop-out within Ceramic DM. It all depends on context.
In this case, the context is a spiritual journey of experience. So it can work.
You have an interesting concept here. It makes for a nice short story. But I want more detail. Why a ship? Why is sensei a rabbit? Why these specific elements? As a reader, I want more context so I understand why her journey is important.
But it is a good story that reads pretty smoothly.
Your picture use is competent. The ice dancer is well used. I like some of the imagery associated with it. The ship is the vehicle used for the journey. There is a nice metaphor here. But instead of travelling forward, you are merely climbing the mast. I am not sure if this is intentional, or the result of the picture. But following the metaphor, I realize that this journey just ascends and descends. It never really goes anywhere. I'm not sure that is what the intention was. The rest of the pictures don't carry much emotional weight or drive the story forward for me.
It is a good little story with some nice imagery. Dialog seems to work pretty well. I would have liked to have seen more story.
Spacemonkey - Untitled
Interesting little story here. It has a nice gumshoe/cyberpunk vibe. It doesn't quite make sense though. Why would a data construct need a stuffed rabbit? Why would a data construct be out in the open in cyberspace? Why is there an entire family sniffing that section of the net? You have some good foreshadowing for those that know the cyberpunk genre. Outside of that genre, the story might seem a little forced with the beginning being a red herring. I think you could probably clean this up in several places and have a much tighter story. But I still enjoyed the overall story.
Your picture use is hard to track. I'm not quite sure where curtain is used. The ship doesn't seem particularly relevant. It is a location, that's all it is. The rabbit is essentially a throwaway bit. Presumably Kay is represented by dignity? It isn't a bad usage, just not one that drives the story forward.
In short, this is a story with a lot of promise. But in the context of a Ceramic DM competition, you will probably get clobbered if your opponent has more effective picture use. Keep it in mind for the final round.
Sialia advances by default.
With all due respect to Macbeth and bilbiophile, this would have been a tough story to beat in any event. The giuthi metaphor is perfectly executed, absolutely essential to the story; in fact, it *is* the story. And just when you think that it's been played out, the contrast with chess takes it to another level entirely. This is a near-perfect Ceramic DM entry, one where the story seems to effortlessly incorporate the pictures without strain or accomodation. Much like Michelangelo once explained his sculpting by saying "I just carve away anything that isn't art", this story seems like it was waiting for Ceramic DM to be told.
It serves equally well as a revenge tale as political commentary, and neither the pathos nor the politics comes across as heavy handed. It is sufficiently set in the real world but isn't so explicit that the world becomes more important than the character's place in it.
Picture use is excellent. The giuthi board permeates the entire story. The warning sign is part of a critical scene, and works both to set the stage for the murder of Pari's father as well as a Helleresque observation of the totalitarian state. The girl behind the loom captures the Pari's (understandably) skittish nature. 'Interrupted' is a little off, and a little too abstract or dream-like. The hawk is the weakest of the bunch.
An excellent story, Sialia. Bravo.
BardStephenFox
Macbeth & Bibliophile were, sadly, unsubmitted.
Sialia - Untitled
Curiosity; loss; sadness; trepidation; loneliness; abandonment; pain; bitterness; vengeance; resolve. You evoke all of these feelings within a short space of time. I marvel at your ability to do this and I envy your skill. I did not expect this story to move me in this manner when I began reading it. But you did.
I can go on about the quality of the story or the style of writing, but to be honest this story isn't directly competing against something else. So I will focus on how it made me feel. You elicited an emotional reaction, and that is good.
Picture use is not quite as strong as some of your past stories. You already know that though.
The strongest picture, by far, is glow. You weave this through the entire theme of the story.
Weft and Warning are both relevant pieces. I like the picture integration for Weft better. But I think Warning is a stronger picture because of the emotional attachment of Pari losing her father.
Hawk is definitely a bit of a stretch.
Interrupted is difficult. (I bow to Mythago's picture picking skillz.) I like the imagery from your writing rather than the picture. This leads me to believe that the integration isn't very strong. I can easily see where the picture provided inspiration. I can imagine how this is more the image in Pari's mind. But it is a stretch for me.
This is a very moving story. It is a shame that there isn't anything to compare it against this round.
MaxfieldJadenFox - Elemental
OK, we are looking at a story told in First Person. First person can be risky, but this is Ceramic DM. Why play conservative?
It is an interesting story. I have one or two problems with it. Most notably, the irreverence in which the protagonist addresses her Sensei. I was expecting a much more conservative interaction based on my limited experiences with friends involved with various martial arts forms. This is not to say that you can't have characters with an informal relationship between student and sensei. I only point it out because you should be aware that you are using language that may be loaded with assumptions by the reader. This can work to your advantage as you turn these assuptions over and upside down. It can also work to your disadvantage. Just be aware of it.
The other problem I have is that most of the events don't really take place. Or maybe they do? Using a mystical journey can kind of be a cop-out within Ceramic DM. It all depends on context.
In this case, the context is a spiritual journey of experience. So it can work.
You have an interesting concept here. It makes for a nice short story. But I want more detail. Why a ship? Why is sensei a rabbit? Why these specific elements? As a reader, I want more context so I understand why her journey is important.
But it is a good story that reads pretty smoothly.
Your picture use is competent. The ice dancer is well used. I like some of the imagery associated with it. The ship is the vehicle used for the journey. There is a nice metaphor here. But instead of travelling forward, you are merely climbing the mast. I am not sure if this is intentional, or the result of the picture. But following the metaphor, I realize that this journey just ascends and descends. It never really goes anywhere. I'm not sure that is what the intention was. The rest of the pictures don't carry much emotional weight or drive the story forward for me.
It is a good little story with some nice imagery. Dialog seems to work pretty well. I would have liked to have seen more story.
Spacemonkey - Untitled
Interesting little story here. It has a nice gumshoe/cyberpunk vibe. It doesn't quite make sense though. Why would a data construct need a stuffed rabbit? Why would a data construct be out in the open in cyberspace? Why is there an entire family sniffing that section of the net? You have some good foreshadowing for those that know the cyberpunk genre. Outside of that genre, the story might seem a little forced with the beginning being a red herring. I think you could probably clean this up in several places and have a much tighter story. But I still enjoyed the overall story.
Your picture use is hard to track. I'm not quite sure where curtain is used. The ship doesn't seem particularly relevant. It is a location, that's all it is. The rabbit is essentially a throwaway bit. Presumably Kay is represented by dignity? It isn't a bad usage, just not one that drives the story forward.
In short, this is a story with a lot of promise. But in the context of a Ceramic DM competition, you will probably get clobbered if your opponent has more effective picture use. Keep it in mind for the final round.
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