-
The VOIDRUNNER'S CODEX is LIVE! Explore new worlds, fight oppressive empires, fend off fearsome aliens, and wield deadly psionics with this comprehensive boxed set expansion for 5E and A5E!
Time for Ceramic DM? (judge-free commentary thread NO JUDGES ALLOWED AS OF NOW :) )
- Thread starter alsih2o
- Start date
carpedavid
First Post
Thanks, Berandor, and thanks again, Piratecat - you're a tremendous and gracious competitor, and victory is that much sweeter for having had you as an opponent.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
Yeah, bite m... err... why, yes! Exactly! 
On a serious note -- I've had a hint from the judges that it would be cool if we repost our commentary in the other thread after a story has been judged, and if we use the other thread for chatting/discussion except when a story is unjudged. That makes it more fun for them, too. I think they feel lonely. *grin*
On a serious note -- I've had a hint from the judges that it would be cool if we repost our commentary in the other thread after a story has been judged, and if we use the other thread for chatting/discussion except when a story is unjudged. That makes it more fun for them, too. I think they feel lonely. *grin*
BSF
Explorer
Ah, but I was kind of liking the little more free-for-all format of this thread. I think what we are missing is just some solid smacktalk. We certainly don't have Mythago's little duels in there. I'm not sure I have the audacity to attempt to mimic that. (Who am I kidding? Of course I have the audacity. But, if I am going to do it, I better have a mid-priced knock-off ready rather than a cheap knock-off.)
Speaking of audacity ...
*clunk* *bang* *screeech* "Heave" *slow thumping of somebody carrying something to the window* *aaargh* *seconds later the sound of a big crash*
Forget my earlier story thought. A different one came to me in the shower this morning. Oh my. I'm not sure I can pull that off. I'm not sure I can weave it all together into an interesting story. But, I might be able to. I just need to find one or two more hooks to hang it on. Perhaps another layer of meaning? I don't know. What I do know is that I really should be writing something I enjoy. Maybe this will be the ticket? I have a little over 48 hours left. I have work to deal with during that time. So, drop that down to 30-32 hours. Sleep would be good too. Hmm, mark off a few more hours here and there. Ack! It's going to be close. I need to bring this story to a boil instead of a simmer.
I think what we are missing is just some solid smacktalk. We certainly don't have Mythago's little duels in there. I'm not sure I have the audacity to attempt to mimic that. (Who am I kidding? Of course I have the audacity. But, if I am going to do it, I better have a mid-priced knock-off ready rather than a cheap knock-off.)Speaking of audacity ...
*clunk* *bang* *screeech* "Heave" *slow thumping of somebody carrying something to the window* *aaargh* *seconds later the sound of a big crash*
Forget my earlier story thought. A different one came to me in the shower this morning. Oh my. I'm not sure I can pull that off. I'm not sure I can weave it all together into an interesting story. But, I might be able to. I just need to find one or two more hooks to hang it on. Perhaps another layer of meaning? I don't know. What I do know is that I really should be writing something I enjoy. Maybe this will be the ticket? I have a little over 48 hours left. I have work to deal with during that time. So, drop that down to 30-32 hours. Sleep would be good too. Hmm, mark off a few more hours here and there. Ack! It's going to be close. I need to bring this story to a boil instead of a simmer.
Okay, now having read CarpeDavid's story, I have to say I go against the judges here. Which is not surprising as all 3 were borderline and I just fell on the other side of the border.
That said:
Neat use of the kids smoking. But I really wanted more. Who are those kids? What relation do they have to the doctor in RL?
I loved the list of things Kat hadn't done, but at the end I wondered who's memories we were seeing: AI-Kat or RL-Kat, or did RL-Kat's memories somehow get into AI-Kat? Very confused.
I think that's why I fell to PC's story. While both are EXCELLENT stories and make great use of pictures, I felt I understood what was going on in PC's story where as I felt wanted for CarpeDavid's Story.
Regardless, Congrats to CarpeDavid and I look forward to more of your stuff.
Zhaneel
That said:
Neat use of the kids smoking. But I really wanted more. Who are those kids? What relation do they have to the doctor in RL?
I loved the list of things Kat hadn't done, but at the end I wondered who's memories we were seeing: AI-Kat or RL-Kat, or did RL-Kat's memories somehow get into AI-Kat? Very confused.
I think that's why I fell to PC's story. While both are EXCELLENT stories and make great use of pictures, I felt I understood what was going on in PC's story where as I felt wanted for CarpeDavid's Story.
Regardless, Congrats to CarpeDavid and I look forward to more of your stuff.
Zhaneel
orchid blossom
Explorer
carpedavid said:
Thanks very much. I had a lot of trouble coming up with a story idea that was about people rather than a series of pictures. I didn't want to write a romance; I tend to make them melodramatic and enworld isn't exactly the audience. In the end, I really just wanted the story to end with a feeling of healing, and I think I got that.
Berandor
lunatic
orchid blossom: that's what I felt, too. There was no twist, no espionage, no explosions - it was "just" a good story. Well-written, touching, with a nice ending. I thought the "FlashAhhh"-pic was a little thrown away, and I would have preferred to see the boat ending up on the rocks, not already being there, but that wasn't really a weak use to me. And the other two pics were used expertly, to me.
A very fine read, indeed
A very fine read, indeed
Berandor
Interesting story. I am left feeling a little confused. Basically, I got very early on that Robert was either a clone or a Robot. I'm a loss as to how he misunderstood his name tag and as to what his truly programming was supposed to accomplish. There were several miscellaneous things that jolted me out of the story [how can something be futuristic if we don’t know what the present is like?, it hard to be bossy while asking a question, rough transition from the Motel to the Apartments, can't ride/drive a motorcycle with someone in front of you & the laws around motorcycles, etc.].
The picture use was pretty good, in my opinion. I loved the eye and the car photos. The leaping photo was a pretty visual, but not something I thought was essential to the story. As for the black dot picture, given how tough it was I give you major props for having it be a recurring image.
Brief nit pick: Dialogue punctuation is as follows:
"What are you saying?" asked Rose.
The stuff inside gets the question mark, no comma, and the end of the sentence gets a period.
The ending was chilly, but at the same time I felt a little sudden. We didn't see Robot/Robert I go down and so the switch and being told [not shown] that the robot was down was a little odd.
The constant use of He early on grated, even though there was a good reason. I liked, however, that you didn't start using Robert until he knew what he looked like. Small smiles happened when you made reference to the writer's trick of the main character not knowing his identity. Another old hat trick, however, is the use of the mirror for description, just FYI.
All in all good story. Some room for improvement, but there always is for Ceramic DM.
Interesting story. I am left feeling a little confused. Basically, I got very early on that Robert was either a clone or a Robot. I'm a loss as to how he misunderstood his name tag and as to what his truly programming was supposed to accomplish. There were several miscellaneous things that jolted me out of the story [how can something be futuristic if we don’t know what the present is like?, it hard to be bossy while asking a question, rough transition from the Motel to the Apartments, can't ride/drive a motorcycle with someone in front of you & the laws around motorcycles, etc.].
The picture use was pretty good, in my opinion. I loved the eye and the car photos. The leaping photo was a pretty visual, but not something I thought was essential to the story. As for the black dot picture, given how tough it was I give you major props for having it be a recurring image.
Brief nit pick: Dialogue punctuation is as follows:
"What are you saying?" asked Rose.
The stuff inside gets the question mark, no comma, and the end of the sentence gets a period.
The ending was chilly, but at the same time I felt a little sudden. We didn't see Robot/Robert I go down and so the switch and being told [not shown] that the robot was down was a little odd.
The constant use of He early on grated, even though there was a good reason. I liked, however, that you didn't start using Robert until he knew what he looked like. Small smiles happened when you made reference to the writer's trick of the main character not knowing his identity. Another old hat trick, however, is the use of the mirror for description, just FYI.
All in all good story. Some room for improvement, but there always is for Ceramic DM.
Similar Threads
