Ceramic Dm (final judgement posted, New Champion announced!)

[barsoomcore]

How do you want it for the next story? Space after each line, or rather a long paragraph of talking?

Just make it consistent, please. Standard web usage is a blank line after each paragraph. Standard print usage is an indent at each paragraph. Either way is fine -- it was the inconsistency that confused me.

 

[mythago]

When I was in university I fought a one-man war against the post-modernists who kept insisting that the real value of fiction was that it formed a "game". I said then, and maintain still, that the notion of a game is at odds with the notion of artistic vision -- and that attempting to combine the two only weakens both.

You're both wrong, so, um, NYEAH!

 

[Macbeth]

When I was in university I fought a one-man war against the post-modernists who kept insisting that the real value of fiction was that it formed a "game". I said then, and maintain still, that the notion of a game is at odds with the notion of artistic vision -- and that attempting to combine the two only weakens both.

Keep your interactive out of my fiction!

I got so mad at post-modern critical theory that I started writing my essays in heroic couplets. Graduated, too.

Sorry that my story went so contrary to your feelings. I didn't eman for it to be an "author vs. reader" situation, I ment it to be a "what's going to happen next?" sitaution. A lot of good fiction comes from the reader wanting to know what happens next. If a reader trying to guess the ending is an antagonistic realtionship, then a good part of great fiction falls into that category.

If this is a big problem, I'm a little suprised I didn't get nailed for it in my first story. there too, we start with the narrator talking about his past, with the reader in the dark as to why he is where he is. I can understand not wanting to make an antagonistic realtionship with the reader, but I really don't think I did that. It wasn't intended to be a mystery, it was ment to be a look at the narrator, and why he is who he is.

But I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, overall I agree with you completely. As soon as I read Berandor's story, looked at the pics, and immediately saw HIS usage, I knew he had a better story, usually I'm stuc with me own meaning, but Berandor was good enough now I see his story.

 

[Berandor]

Thanks again, Macbeth

Anyway, I just want to make sure you don't think it's ridiculous if my story looks like this:

"I need you," she said. Sam took her hand in his, and looked her in the eye.

"I know," he answered, his voice trailing off.

"But?" Mary bit her lip. The flesh turned white from the pressure.

"Why do you think there's a but?"

"I don't know. There is a but, though, isn't there?"

"Yes."

"So?" she asked.

"But I don't love you."

---

Doesn't that seem a little... funny?

 

[barsoomcore]

Sorry that my story went so contrary to your feelings.

Oh, no, Macbeth, PLEASE don't think that. Sorry, I got off on a tangent about post-modern critical theory that had NOTHING to do with your story. My deepest apologies.

Honestly, the fact that you wrote a mystery isn't a big deal. I brought it up in my critique because I felt it pointed up the primary weakness of the story and might hopefully give you something to think about in future work.

Please understand that NOTHING in the post you quoted has ANYTHING to do with your story.

Believe me, if I thought you'd been writing post-modernist claptrap, you'd've heard about it long ago.

I'm very sorry you thought that, and I really really really want to emphasize that I wasn't talking about your story at all. At all. What I meant to say in my review was that it was a good story that fell short of real emotional involvement, and I think primarily because the story depends on the revelation of a mystery rather than the development of tension. Anything beyond that in my later posts is in no way shape or form reflective of or inspired by your story.

My apologies once again. I'm trying really hard in my critiques to make them USEFUL. To give writers feedback that they can make use of constructively in their following work, to give them things to think about and either discard because I'm obviously a moron, or try to put into practice next time. If I'm coming across as just picking on stuff because I don't like it, I don't feel like I'm doing my job. Please let me know if that's the case.

My basic criteria is, "If I were editor of Amazing Stories, and I had decided NOT to publish this, what would be my reasoning?" I try to zero in on what I think are the key problems in each story, and provide clear descriptions of each.


Berandor: that looks fine to me.

 

[BSF]

Berandor,
I understand why you think it looks odd, but I think it looks good overall.

 

[Berandor]

Alright, fine, I'm gonna do it better next time

 

[Zhaneel]

Berandor, I think it looks great... but then I'm weird.

Zhaneel

 

[mythago]

If this is a big problem, I'm a little suprised I didn't get nailed for it in my first story. there too, we start with the narrator talking about his past, with the reader in the dark as to why he is where he is.

It worked better in the first story in the second. I don't think it's a bad technique by definition (hell, I've done it), but unlike a linear narrative, it's easy when you're playing with information and timelines to overshoot and leave the reader completely confused.

 

[Sialia]

When I was in university I fought a one-man war against the post-modernists who kept insisting that the real value of fiction was that it formed a "game". I said then, and maintain still, that the notion of a game is at odds with the notion of artistic vision . . .

Which precludes generating art while assembling five deliberately uncooperative pictures in 72 hours in order to pander to three other people's preconceived notions of literary theory in order to compete for a chance to advance to the next round of a tournament?