Ceramic Dm (final judgement posted, New Champion announced!)
carpedavid
First Post
Eep! That was close. Thanks to BSF for providing some very tough competition.
Thanks to the judges once again for some insightful commentary. I believe that's the first time I've ever written a piece in that style, so it was a definite learning experience.
Mythago - it's interesting that you disliked the reference to the other Lovecraft stories. I wasn't sure if it needed those references to tie it into the mythos.
Comments reposted from the other thread:
I figured out very early on that I had a Lovecraftian tale on my hands, and, at that point, chose to use one of the formulae common to this type of story:
1. Academics set out to explore an exotic location.
2. Upon arriving in said location, they discover "things that should not be."
3. On the journey home, the narrator loses any ability to verify the discovery, which may take the form of (usually a combination of):
a. losing any physical evidence the group may have secured
b. losing all of his adventuring companions
c. suffering some sort of trauma
4. Once home, the narrator convinces himself that the events never took place.
5. The narrator then uncovers some form of evidence that proves the events were real.
I think I managed to successfully fulfill all but point number 4, which I believe is the reason Berandor felt that the ending wasn't as effective as it could be. After I posted the entry last night, I realized that I should have restructured the framing story to stress the narrator's doubts about the version of events at the beginning of the story. As it was, I really only made this point clear at the very end, so the tension of "Is it real? Is it not?" only lasted for a few lines.
Thanks to the judges once again for some insightful commentary. I believe that's the first time I've ever written a piece in that style, so it was a definite learning experience.
Mythago - it's interesting that you disliked the reference to the other Lovecraft stories. I wasn't sure if it needed those references to tie it into the mythos.
Comments reposted from the other thread:
I figured out very early on that I had a Lovecraftian tale on my hands, and, at that point, chose to use one of the formulae common to this type of story:
1. Academics set out to explore an exotic location.
2. Upon arriving in said location, they discover "things that should not be."
3. On the journey home, the narrator loses any ability to verify the discovery, which may take the form of (usually a combination of):
a. losing any physical evidence the group may have secured
b. losing all of his adventuring companions
c. suffering some sort of trauma
4. Once home, the narrator convinces himself that the events never took place.
5. The narrator then uncovers some form of evidence that proves the events were real.
I think I managed to successfully fulfill all but point number 4, which I believe is the reason Berandor felt that the ending wasn't as effective as it could be. After I posted the entry last night, I realized that I should have restructured the framing story to stress the narrator's doubts about the version of events at the beginning of the story. As it was, I really only made this point clear at the very end, so the tension of "Is it real? Is it not?" only lasted for a few lines.
BSF
Explorer
Congratulations Carpe David! Keep going and see if you can win this thing. I like to lose to the winner. 
It is also exciting to see a new competitor take this thing to the top.
I'm at work, and somewhat distracted. If my wife hadn't called to ask about something else and refreshed the screen just then, I wouldn't have seen the judgements for a while yet.
Barsoomcore - I'm working on grammar in general, I promise. When I get rushed, it is even worse.
You are right, doing something more with the kite would have been much more interesting. I will have to think on that one.
I actually tried to keep my description of Hel's apartment sparse intentionally. I just don't imagine Hel collecting much, or doing much. I think I need to really figure out how Hel fits into my pseudo-world before I try to revisit that.
The issues with the boat sinking and running aground made sense at the time. After I was done, they kept making less and less sense. I attribute it solely to panic in writing. Ack!
Alsih2o - The whole story feels cramped to me. You and your dastardly pictures threw me for a loop. I went through the whole hate/love thing with the story and the contest. In the end, I think this is a story I want to revisit and try to write better at some point.
Mythago - I really didn't want to come out and say that Lopt had to finish by Walpurgisnacht. I also wanted to drive home the parallels between Wodan's quest for the runes. Nine days and nights, etc. Loki is supposed to be trying to find himself again and I was dragging in all manner of references to tie back into assorted myth and legend. Since he slew Otter and collected the gold from the Rhine, I wanted his motivation to be subconscious. The otter skin and the thrill of the gold calling back to him, urging him forward to find himself again.
It sounds like I might have achieved some of that, but I really need to polish my methods. I really think I want to redo the story at some point, once I have worked out a lot of the kinks in my head. If anyone has any further commentary, or more detailed commentary, I would love to hear it. Either posting, PM, or email.
Thanks!
It is also exciting to see a new competitor take this thing to the top.I'm at work, and somewhat distracted. If my wife hadn't called to ask about something else and refreshed the screen just then, I wouldn't have seen the judgements for a while yet.
Barsoomcore - I'm working on grammar in general, I promise. When I get rushed, it is even worse.
You are right, doing something more with the kite would have been much more interesting. I will have to think on that one.
I actually tried to keep my description of Hel's apartment sparse intentionally. I just don't imagine Hel collecting much, or doing much. I think I need to really figure out how Hel fits into my pseudo-world before I try to revisit that.
The issues with the boat sinking and running aground made sense at the time. After I was done, they kept making less and less sense. I attribute it solely to panic in writing. Ack!
Alsih2o - The whole story feels cramped to me. You and your dastardly pictures threw me for a loop. I went through the whole hate/love thing with the story and the contest. In the end, I think this is a story I want to revisit and try to write better at some point.
Mythago - I really didn't want to come out and say that Lopt had to finish by Walpurgisnacht. I also wanted to drive home the parallels between Wodan's quest for the runes. Nine days and nights, etc. Loki is supposed to be trying to find himself again and I was dragging in all manner of references to tie back into assorted myth and legend. Since he slew Otter and collected the gold from the Rhine, I wanted his motivation to be subconscious. The otter skin and the thrill of the gold calling back to him, urging him forward to find himself again.
It sounds like I might have achieved some of that, but I really need to polish my methods. I really think I want to redo the story at some point, once I have worked out a lot of the kinks in my head. If anyone has any further commentary, or more detailed commentary, I would love to hear it. Either posting, PM, or email.
Thanks!
RangerWickett
Legend
So, when's the next one of these? I wanna call dibs.
Oh, and Barsoomcore, I don't know how I missed your site before. Sir, you sincerely need to advertise about those cards of yours. Funniest thing I've read in a while, though I do wish you had, like, a reading list or something, so I'd be able to get all the references.
Oh, and Barsoomcore, I don't know how I missed your site before. Sir, you sincerely need to advertise about those cards of yours. Funniest thing I've read in a while, though I do wish you had, like, a reading list or something, so I'd be able to get all the references.
Ao the Overkitty
First Post
Wow. Congrats carpedavid.
Which unlucky veteran will you squash next?
Which unlucky veteran will you squash next?
Macbeth
First Post
Mythago: Just out of curiosity, are you basing your comparison to "The League of Gibber Gentlemen" on the (not so good) movie or the (excelent) comic? The comic, in my opinion, actually manages to bring in all the characters without bashing the reader over the head with the fact that these are exisitng characters.
orchid blossom
Explorer
Congratulations, carpedavid!
As to whether I'll move on, I shall not speculate. But it seems funny to be called a veteran when I've only done this once before.
BardStephenFox said:
As to whether I'll move on, I shall not speculate. But it seems funny to be called a veteran when I've only done this once before.
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